Mating and Low Testosterone

[Beau Geste (imported)]

My impression has been, that one thing which both the general population and many Archive members believe about the lack of testosterone, is that it reduces the potential for an individual to find a mate, or, at least, to maintain a long term relationship with someone of the opposite sex (or, of the same sex for those who are gay.) I think this is something which could be considered as a general topic, independent of whether the person has had an orchiectomy, has chosen to use testosterone-reducing drugs, or has developed a physical condition which causes reduction in testosterone. I think, in fact, that it is correct to comment that most of what is discussed on the Archive's message boards, is really about lack of hormone production, rather than lack of organs per se.

Considering that most of the factors which influence the durability of a relationship, and also the closeness of one, don't directly involve sex or even sexuality, I have to question whether hormone levels actually determine someone's prospects for forming a long term bond with someone. It has long been realized that, for married couples, sex becomes a secondary influence in their lives after a relatively short period--sometimes as short as five years. Some of the research into the frequency of sexual relations indicates that most couples married over ten years have sexual intercourse fewer than half a dozen times a month. And, of course, regular sexual intercourse ceases for a lot of couples, because the man becomes impotent.

So, it would seem to me that, if someone with low testosterone levels is unable to find a compatible and willing mate, the person simply may not be approaching the matter from the right perspective. There are apparently a lot of women who find eunuchs interesting, and who, presumably, would also have an interest in males who simply have low testosterone levels. I think some members have also commented that some gay men consider it desirable for their partners to be eunuchs. I'm not sure whether most of the individuals who have an interest in eunuchs, would require that the eunuch be potent in order to maintain their interest, but there must surely be some who realize, and accept, that many individuals with low testosterone can't get erections.

Of course, the fact that low levels of the hormone, lessens or eliminates the sex urge, might be considered to have reduced or extinguished someone's desire to find a mate. But, again, there is much more than sex in most truly close relationships, and it seems that a lack of desire for sexual intercourse, shouldn't be considered a reason to forego mating.

In fact, some members, like sag111 and mrt, seem to have maintained their marriages without disruption after testosterone reduction--though, of course, mrt feels that HRT has much improved his situation. A few other members seem to have formed long-term partnerships after orchiectomy or after their testosterone production was reduced.

So, my question is, do those members who have had testosterone reduction, feel that the reduction in the hormone has turned out to be a significant barrier to forming and maintaining relationships, or has it been, as I suspect, something which turns out to be somewhat less important than a lot of people would think? Certainly, there are a lot of women who would reject a possible mate because he has low testosterone--but women reject men for a lot of reasons. And, of course, the same must be true for gay males with low hormone levels.

[Kangan (imported)]

Ask me again after I've had about a year of low sex drive. I've only had sex with my wife once in 6-weeks since clamping myself. She is getting a bit horny and frustrated with no intercourse, but I don't really think about sex like I used to, although I am still functional. After 42-years of marriage, I don't think that she will leave me or anything like that, but time will tell.

Relationships are mostly about compatibility and not about sex, anyway.

I've had many good friends over the years (male and female) and I didn't need to have sex with them in order to like them (although I did have sex with a few of them ).

[mrt (imported)]

Sex is not "everything" but it is important if you enjoy it. Now... The thing I've learned (And this is JUST me) is that without a lot of Testosterone I could be "talked into" sex. And when I reached orgasm it was "nice." But nothing to write home about. When I got on a healthy level of homones I saw how it made me "driven" to have sex.

Before HRT I would drive by a pretty girl and 9 times out of 10 I would react with things like "Who does she think she is? Does her mother know she dresses up like that?" and other not appreciative thoughts. After HRT I would look at the same women and think "Wow! She is amazing..."

Sexual relief became important to me and when I was fortunate enough to reach climax it was like WOW in much larger letters. I was "wired" to appreciate sex and to experience it in a very powerfull way. If I could be like Mr Spock (On Star Trek) I suppose I could look at the two me's and say "The one wired for sex is wasting his time being turned on and humping his wife regularly. Why not just do it once every 7 years." Well I look at it like this. I could also just eat Oatmeal everyday. However I can appreciate the taste of a steak with mushrooms and onions.

I think some people have valid reasons to want to shut off their sex drives. If they are obsessed with it to the point of insanity or are turned on by little kids or prone to rape. I'm less sure about the men who want to match their wife's lack of interest. I think a healthy sex life with a spouse is one of the best gifts from God.

I can't comment on the men who don't suffer the other side effects of low T that I experienced. I don't know how some can suffer deadly depression and others feel free and happy. I also think as men we often tend to view women as being "barely interested in sex" because they are wired with mostly Estrogen and we are wired with Testosterone. I'm here to report that women who I've spoken to DO crave sex. Maybe not in the same driven way that a man is but they are not un-interested.

Lastly - my hormone issues were making a hell of my marriage. My wife stuck through me while I got it fixed but I would not have been surprised if she had told me to go to hell. And some of that was about sex (And or the lack of it) but a lot was the hormonal depression I was having along with a host of other symptoms. Yes, a lot of men become impotent. But this is NOT a normal part of aging. I know this is not the Impotent.org but any guy who has erection problems should seek out a good doctor and find out why. Its often the sign of serious health issues. And a good marriage often as not is FILLED with sex. And not just once or twice a week. Age and length of commitment does not equal lack of interest. Sex can be wonderful at any age I think and I hope more of us here on the Archive can talk about that. In the historical sense Eunuchs were (some anyway) still capable of being sexualy active and this without any HRT. Since we live in an age where HRT is relativly simple? Why not explore that at least as much as we do the Eunuch Calm etc?

My impression has been, that one thing which both the general population and many Archive members believe about the lack of testosterone, is that it reduces the potential for an individual to find a mate, or, at least, to maintain a long term relationship with someone of the opposite sex (or, of the same sex for those who are gay.) I think this is something which could be considered as a general topic, independent of whether the person has had an orchiectomy, has chosen to use testosterone-reducing drugs, or has developed a physical condition which causes reduction in testosterone. I think, in fact, that it is correct to comment that most of what is discussed on the Archive's message boards, is really about lack of hormone production, rather than lack of organs per se.

Considering that most of the factors which influence the durability of a relationship, and also the closeness of one, don't directly involve sex or even sexuality, I have to question whether hormone levels actually determine someone's prospects for forming a long term bond with someone. It has long been realized that, for married couples, sex becomes a secondary influence in their lives after a relatively short period--sometimes as short as five years. Some of the research into the frequency of sexual relations indicates that most couples married over ten years have sexual intercourse fewer than half a dozen times a month. And, of course, regular sexual intercourse ceases for a lot of couples, because the man becomes impotent.

So, it would seem to me that, if someone with low testosterone levels is unable to find a compatible and willing mate, the person simply may not be approaching the matter from the right perspective. There are apparently a lot of women who find eunuchs interesting, and who, presumably, would also have an interest in males who simply have low testosterone levels. I think some members have also commented that some gay men consider it desirable for their partners to be eunuchs. I'm not sure whether most of the individuals who have an interest in eunuchs, would require that the eunuch be potent in order to maintain their interest, but there must surely be some who realize, and accept, that many individuals with low testosterone can't get erections.

Of course, the fact that low levels of the hormone, lessens or eliminates the sex urge, might be considered to have reduced or extinguished someone's desire to find a mate. But, again, there is much more than sex in most truly close relationships, and it seems that a lack of desire for sexual intercourse, shouldn't be considered a reason to forego mating.

In fact, some members, like sag111 and mrt, seem to have maintained their marriages without disruption after testosterone reduction--though, of course, mrt feels that HRT has much improved his situation. A few other members seem to have formed long-term partnerships after orchiectomy or after their testosterone production was reduced.

So, my question is, do those members who have had testosterone reduction, feel that the reduction in the hormone has turned out to be a significant barrier to forming and maintaining relationships, or has it been, as I suspect, something which turns out to be somewhat less important than a lot of people would think? Certainly, there are a lot of women who would reject a possible mate because he has low testosterone--but women reject men for a lot of reasons. And, of course, the same must be true for gay males with low hormone levels.

[Monax (imported)]

At me very low testosterone. HRT I do not use. And what sense becomes the eunuch, and then to try to return that what back not to return? We with the wife in general have refused sex and it does not prevent to live to us is high-grade. For last half of year we have lifted profitableness of our business in 10 times!!

[mrt (imported)]

MrT:

You were probably right, including your last sentence: "

Since we live in an age where HRT is relativly simple? Why not explore that at least as much as we do the Eunuch Calm etc?

"

I think that lots of men begin the dance of life pursuing women who are taught to play hard to get. Those girls become wives, and wives become old wives who go through menopause. Their ovaries and sex drives dry up, and the men are meant to feel there's something wrong with them because they're still trying to talk the women into a little sex in the master bedroom on occasion. That is demeaning to good men. No wonder we're looking to dampen our own sex drives.

Yes! I think this state of affairs is dreadful. My wife is at that age and many of our friends have the same (mostly unspoken) issue. The thing about "trophy" wives is not age (I think) so much as having a "willing" sexual partner who is not suffering hormonal depression, anger, mood changes, anxiety, inability to think etc.

I look at my wife's parents who clearly are both "menopausal" Happy? Not from what I see. Misery loves company at best.

And why accept this (Other then not having insurance coverage)? Menopause is ok when the typical lifespan was 30 or 40 years. But we live a lot longer and I think its just insane to not look into HRT for quality of life issues for our female friends. I can't tell you how many women I've spoken to in detail who say they want to "tough out" menopause like Granny. Never mind THEY are miserable and they make their men just as miserable.

My opinion is that the synthetic junk they are trying to sell women is garbage. And a good reason to fear HRT. But more companies are coming out with Human Identical hormones similar to our Androgel / Testim etc.

I think this is a great topic to discuss.

[sduyck_2000 (imported)]

the first 20 years my wife complained about having sex too often and when we would fight she would cut me off for a month or more.

Then I got castrated

No more urge...no interest at all...so relaxed and comfortable with myself.I just completely forgot about it till the wife started complaining she never got sex anymore.

I can still get erections and have sex.

She just has to work at getting that part of me interested.My mind has no control over that part of me anymore.It is strictly physical.

When we fight now which is rare anymore I just get the silent treatment which is fine with me.

[mrt (imported)]

This is a topic near and dear to my heart as we have bounced around a bit with my hormone issues and now hers. I think the problem we face is an attempt to find a middle ground in sex with out wives or just doing away with our desire so we don't spend all our time being angry and frustraited.

The same of course happens with women. I know of one very "vital" woman who contracted cancer and had to have the female version of a bilateral orchiectomy. She is misearable, asexual and of course this made her husband feel just awful. The worst part is that she is not even allowed to think of HRT for another couple of years.

I think having a good sex life is worth the trouble. I'm no fan of doctors poking and probing me or injections but I'm willing to bend over and get <shudder> DREs, and self inject Testosterone because one of the benifits is a healthy sex drive. And in my case I also get rid of depression like symptoms, anxiety attacks, mental fog and all the other bagage.

I read Dr Spectors "Handbook for Castration" and I think that Dr Spector (and some members of the Archive) view Testosterone in a very negative light. More like a mind control drug or a poison? I honestly see it as very different. I think its more like the "fuel" for being human. And not just "male" either. Women don't need as much Testosterone to feel right but it "powers" them as well. And btw I've learned that men need Estrogen as well. One of the guys on my Hypogonadism support group had high E2 and tried to turn it down with female cancer drugs. It worked. His E2 was almost zero and he felt goofed up and found that without estrogen he was unable to orgasm. This made him half crazed until he figured it out.

I've read a book called "Juicy" about a baseball wives life with a Steroid abuser husband and clearly too much Testosterone is a very bad thing and the symptoms are as bad as the ones I had with out enough.

Geeze I ramble a lot?!