Devil’s Dictionary – Addendum

[JesusA (imported)]

Today I had lunch with a good friend. Mostly we talked about research and writing. He’s in his mid-80s and is working on three books currently and just had French and Portuguese translations of one my favorites published. A Japanese translation is coming out soon. The most fun, though was when he shared with me one of his on-going hobbies. He delights in creating additions to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. Below are a selection of his most recent creations.

Bet mitzvah – a lass coming of age in a casino

Boss – Lord of the Files

Chastity belt – a beaver dam

Corps of Engineers – You’re dammed if you do, and dammed if you don’t.

Dianetics – when your wallet loses weight

Gay couples – parallelobipeds

Hula – grass commercialization

Hypochondriac – an ill-iterate

Impotent – out of whack

Kama Sutra – a library of congress

Neo-cons – up-to-date criminals

Nymphomaniac – an eager beaver

Old druggie – crystal Methusalah

Politics – the art of the pissable

Public prayer – giving God his marching orders

Swami – a chakraholic

––––Forrest R. (Woody) Pitts

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

It's nice to hear from another Bierce fan. --FLO--

[JesusA (imported)]

Woody and I had lunch again today, an early celebration of his 85th birthday, which will be next Thursday. We talked a bit about a mutual friend, an academic who was productive until the day he died quietly in his sleep at age 97. Woody is hopeful that he’ll have time to finish at least some of the books and articles that he’s currently working on.

He gave me five pages of additional entries for his Little Devil’s Dictionary. He said that any and all are welcome to pass them on, so long as his name is attached. If he creates enough of them, he would like to see them published.

American Zen – the wabi-sabi hobby

Blog – a person’s own internal periscope

Budgeting – fiscal therapy

College fraternities – gangs for the street-averse

Eternity – unlimited minutes

Forgiveness – society’s prize for feigned humility

Hava Nagila – Auld Lang Zion

New Age – Old Hokum

Scampi – ornery bambini

Stomach ache – a twist off ate

Texas – the last refuge of scoundrels

[transward (imported)]

These are great, but they tend more towards puns and, with a couple of exceptions, don't quite have quite the savage bite that Bierce had.

Transward

[transward (imported)]

But then except for George Carlin nobody else can match Bierce's bite.

Transward