Horror Movie Safety Tips

[Studlover (imported)]

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if

it's really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they

should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in

the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so

be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

6. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to

any other house of the dead as well.

7. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for

short-circuits; just get out.

8. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

9. If you find a town, which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason

for it. Don't stop and look around.

10. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know

what you're doing.

11. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior

such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,

and so on, kill them immediately.

12. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed

here: Sunnydale, Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, and Nilbog, anywhere

in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town

in Maine.

13. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the

nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is

strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot

yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

14. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns,

hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane

torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased

companions.

15. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to

move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous

inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible

fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.

16. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old

house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not

a candle.

17. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.

18. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out

that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

Studlover

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

19. If you're alone on a moonless night and you see a tall hockey player walking towards you, DON'T run up to him saying, "are you Wayne Gretzky?"

[Sara (imported)]

Oh my gosh! That was a hoot! Good tips and I think you might of just made me a little parinoid now.....I swear...I'm not superstious....much anyways....lol

[Studlover (imported)]

Oh my gosh! That was a hoot! Good tips and I think you might of just made me a little parinoid now.....I swear...I'm not superstious....much anyways....lol

I'm not superstitious, but if something comes out of the TV, I would think twice.

Studlover

[A-1 (imported)]

20.

Stay away from clowns who look at you funny.



A-1

[colin (imported)]

20.

Stay away from clowns who look at you funny.

Do you mean the ones with weird makeup and baggy pants that you see in the circus or those you see outside it?

[A-1 (imported)]

Do you mean the ones with weird makeup and baggy pants that you see in the circus or those you see outside it?

No, I mean the likes of John Wayne Gacy. (http://www.prairieghosts.com/gacy.html)

A-1

[Riverwind (imported)]

19. If you're alone on a moonless night and you see a tall hockey player walking towards you, DON'T run up to him saying, "are you Wayne Gretzky?"

I only know one hockey player, Gretzky Scores, was he named after this other guy?

River

[Blaise (imported)]

No, I mean the likes of John Wayne Gacy. (http://www.prairieghosts.com/gacy.html)

A-1

See, this is good advice.