If the Government Sold Paint

[Studlover (imported)]

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?

Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up

to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.

Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.

Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?

Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you

will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue

painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!

Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.

Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!

Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell only a

certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the

price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12 paint.

Customer: The price went up as we were talking?

Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and

since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we

just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as

possible. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have enough.

Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use it,

there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

Customer: WHAT?

Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north

bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose

your remaining gallons of paint.

Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid

you for it!

Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every

drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don't

keep painting until after Saturday night!

Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.

Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a gallon" signs?

Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in half- gallons. One

$5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half- gallon to complete the

room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no

refunds, even on the empty cans.

Customer: To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!

Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom

and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you

won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us.

And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it

will be $300 a gallon.

Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!

Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you

started. A hallway is different.

Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one

direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.

Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your

next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now, sir.

Customer: You're insane!

Clerk: Thanks for painting with Your Government.

--

[n3rf (imported)]

And so true. Make Your own PAINT.N3RF

[DonnyMac (imported)]

The tax in home-made paint is $200/gallon.

Don

[Kangan (imported)]

When I read this story, I first thought of airline ticket prices. Then I remembered the manner in which air time is marketed by cellular telephone companies. I am also reminded of what I go through whenever I buy a new car....

And yes, you forgot the taxes and extra surcharges for things like paint brushes and rollers and drop cloths, etc.