Being British? (Dedicated to Our British Friends)

[Studlover (imported)]

Being British?

One of the British national daily newspapers is asking readers "What it

means to be British?"

Some of the emails were hilarious but this is one from a chap in

Switzerland...

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian

beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on

the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese

TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.

Oh and....Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an

ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the

back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy

cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a

DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the

counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive

and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then

have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to

talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating

rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of

screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the

fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations

were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling

accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of

the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit

cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening

bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control

Scalextric cars.

And finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

RULE BRITANNIA!!!!!

[kristoff]

And what makes the author begin to think that the Brits have any corner on all this... Could easily be Texas, as well.....

[Studlover (imported)]

And what makes the author begin to think that the Brits have any corner on all this... Could easily be Texas, as well.....

Because we DON'T pull crackers in Texas! We throw Cowships.

Scheesch...always *someone* to spoil a joke.

Studlover

[colin (imported)]

"

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive

and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

"

Most people leave their cars on the road, but it is true - my garage is absolutely full of junk so I couldn't put one in there, even if I had one!

LOL

[Sac_mec (imported)]

I agree with Kristoff, one could be writing or selecting such an unconnected list of tosh(rubbish) from any source about any country or state within a country.

Anecdotes about Christmas accidents aren't funny, in particular are they??

We can do without such a "dedication" right now, thank you very much.

Humour ought to be amusing - unlinked comment is not.

The Supermarket observation is true, but maybe you ought to realise that 99% of sick people go to a chemist or pharmacy (of which we have millions of individually run "shops"). Cigarette consumption is also about the lowest on the planet in the UK - so putting 2 supposed facts together is a misrepresentation as well as not being particularly amusing.

Would you like me spend a day using Google and 'received comment' to make jokes about Texas and the Deep South, or the USA as a whole?

We have had irrelevant comments in the past about our press.

If anyone is going to take the piss out of Britain now, we are more than capable but it is neither a good time to do it now and we'd rather 'get a life' than be so wasteful with our online time.

* Incidentally and just as a warning to fellow Europeans, be very careful about ordering Pizza. Italy and the Med. are the homes of beautiful Pizza's.

Forget the 'British' and US brands sold here. They are not funny or edible - usually.

** US TV programmes are thrust on us by all TV channels who are cash struck and unwilling to invest in original drama. They are cheap. They are not watched by choice,they are force fed us (and every nation across the globe) and we don't understand US TV humour either; just as you don't understand our own subtle variety.

[Studlover (imported)]

I agree with Kristoff, one could be writing or selecting such an unconnected list of tosh(rubbish) from any source about any country or state within a country.

Anecdotes about Christmas accidents aren't funny, in particular are they??

We can do without such a "dedication" right now, thank you very much.

Humour ought to be amusing - unlinked comment is not.

The Supermarket observation is true, but maybe you ought to realise that 99% of sick people go to a chemist or pharmacy (of which we have millions of individually run "shops"). Cigarette consumption is also about the lowest on the planet in the UK - so putting 2 supposed facts together is a misrepresentation as well as not being particularly amusing.

Would you like me spend a day using Google and 'received comment' to make jokes about Texas and the Deep South, or the USA as a whole?

We have had irrelevant comments in the past about our press.

If anyone is going to take the piss out of Britain now, we are more than capable but it is neither a good time to do it now and we'd rather 'get a life' than be so wasteful with our online time.

* Incidentally and just as a warning to fellow Europeans, be very careful about ordering Pizza. Italy and the Med. are the homes of beautiful Pizza's.

Forget the 'British' and US brands sold here. They are not funny or edible - usually.

** US TV programmes are thrust on us by all TV channels who are cash struck and unwilling to invest in original drama. They are cheap. They are not watched by choice,they are force fed us (and every nation across the globe) and we don't understand US TV humour either; just as you don't understand our own subtle variety.

OK, I won't post any more jokes. I've been through this before when I "picked on" Californians.

Studlover

[Sac_mec (imported)]

Thank you Studlover. I do appreciate that. My comments were directed chiefly at your choice of remarks and your thread title; you chose the wrong subject and the wrong day, OK. I appreciate and thank you again for your rebuttal.

[kristoff]

Thank you Studlover. I do appreciate that. My comments were directed chiefly at your choice of remarks and your thread title; you chose the wrong subject and the wrong day, OK. I appreciate and thank you again for your rebuttal.

having a bad day are we?

[Sac_mec (imported)]

Kristoff, I agree with your comments on #post 2.

You understand very well the source of my concern without further elaboration.

I rarely visit the "Jokes" section and as you know I am not a fan of it, but democracy dictated that it stayed. Fair does, but since when is it a source

of humour to list Christmas casualties? Is mockery fun?

[Riverwind (imported)]

Come on, this is the JOKE section and from the title indicates that its all for fun and a laugh.

Studlover, keep right on posting, I love them. In this time we all need to smile a little more.

River