DICTIONARY OF MUSICAL TERMINOLOGY
Adagio Fromaggio: To play in a slow and cheesy manner.
A la Regretto: Tempo assigned to a performance by the conductor AFTER is is panned by the local music critics.
Al Dente Con Tableau: In opera, chew the scenery.
Allegro Con Brillo: The fastest way to wash pots and pans.
An Dante: A musical composition that is infernally slow.
Antiphonal: Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall.
A Patella: Unaccompanied knee-slapping.
Appologgiatura: An ornament you regret after playing it.
Approximatura: A series of notes played by a performer and not intended by the composer, sepecially when disguised with an air of I meant to do that.
Bar Line: What musicians form after a concert.
Basso Continuo: The act of game fishing after the season has ended.
Basso Profundo: An opera about deep sea fishing.
Cacophany: Composition incorporating many people with chest colds.
Concerto Grosso: A really BAD performance.
Dill Piccolo: A wind instrument that plays only sour notes.
Fiddler Crabs: Grumpy string players.
Flute Flies: Gnat-like bugs that bother musicians playing out-of-doors.
Fog Horn: A brass instrument that plays when the conductors intentions are not clear.
Frugalhorn: A sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.
Gaul Blatter: A French horn player.
Grace Note: The I.O.U. you deposit in the church collection plate when youre out of cash.
Kvetchendo: Gradually getting ANNOYINGLY louder.
Opera Buffa: Musical stage production at a nudist camp.
Pastorale: Beverage to drink in the country when listening to Beethoven with a member of the clergy.
Pipe Smoker: An extremely virtuosic organist.
Pizzacato: The act of removing anchovies from an Italian dish with short, quick motions and tossing them to a nearby awaiting feline.
Placebo Domingo: Faux tenor.
Rights of Strings: Manifest of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Bowed Instruments.
Rubato: Cross between a rhubarb and a tomato.
Schmaltzando: A sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo orchestra.
Spritzicato: Plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine optional).
Tempo Tantrum: What a young orchestra is having when its not keeping time with the conductor.
Toiletto: The effect on the human voice of reverberation in small rooms with ceramic tiles.
Trouble Clef: Any clef one cant read, e.g., the alto clef for pianists.
Woodwind: A noise in the game of golf, made by a club missing the ball on a tee shot.
with thanks to M.D. Rosenberg
