SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL

[Studlover (imported)]

This is just another reason to love the south...enjoy

SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL

Women's Accessories:

NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara,

and a fifth of Captian Morgan/Crown. Money is not necessary that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Cheerleaders:

NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.

SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance,

gymnastic training.

Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on

campus and purchase tickets.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on

campus & put name on the waiting list.

Parking:

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for

game parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday

for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes

over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the people up north.

Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to Local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking

accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthew's' Band," who come

over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk

right in.

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes

the state's third largest city.

Concessions:

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on

it, filled ! less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for

Captian Morgan/Crown.

When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them

stand up.

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-par harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Captian Morgan/Crown.

Commentary

(Male):

NORTH: "Nice play."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary

(Female):

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers:

NORTH: Neutral and paid.

SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a

tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes

to the nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week's game.

[philorchites (imported)]

Well, it's obvious that whoever wrote this stuff never was in Ann Arbor on game day. Except for the cheer leaders, but frankly as far as I am concerned, the Michigan Wolverines are the sexiest thing on two legs when they are on the field. Huge shoulders, tiny waists, buns to die for, great arms, legs of steel, absolutely perfect uniforms. And 112,000 people (among them a lot of hot stud college guys a little out of their heads on beer) cheering them on in the Big House. Go Blue!!!

In fact, I have no doubt that there are guys who would give up their balls to have season tickets on the 40 yard line. Any offers out there?

[Dave (imported)]

Add my thoughts to that. Western PA is a hotbed of football and NO high school ro college game would receive the "northern" treatment described above.