Bloody Hell!

[bobover3 (imported)]

It seems there's a vampire in Serbia, and people are stocking up on garlic and crosses.

http://theweek.com/article/index/237005 ... -the-loose

The Serbian village that's warning of a vampire on the loose

Ancient folklore is inspiring some all-too-real panic

By Lauren Hansen | November 28, 2012

Residents of the western Serbian village of Zarozje reportedly received a unique public health warning recently, when the town's mayor cautioned that a vampire was on the loose. That is not a joke, and the people of Zarozje are taking heed and stocking up on garlic bulbs and crosses. Here, a brief guide to this bizarre tale:

Who is this supposed vampire?

His name is Sava Savanovic. Local legend has it that long ago, he lived in an old water mill on the village's Rogacica River. He reportedly preyed on unsuspecting visitors who stopped by the mill in search of grain. The water mill was privately owned by a local family who, because of the vampire lore, was afraid to use it for fear of disturbing Savanovic. The structure eventually rotted and recently collapsed, leaving the vampire homeless and, according to locals, angry and in search of a new home and new blood.

And people actually believe this?

Yes. Zarozje Mayor Miodrag Vujetic is so convinced of the legend's merit that he released an official warning after the mill collapsed, suggesting that everyone stock up on garlic to be placed on their doors and windows and to ensure crosses are visible throughout the house. "People are worried, everybody knows the legend of this vampire," Vujetic says. "We are all frightened."

Where did this legend come from?

Vampire tales have circulated in Eastern Europe since the early 1700s. Serbia alone has a number of infamous vampires in addition to Savonovic. Many feature prominently in the country's literature and legends. Hundreds of years ago, these myths were likely created by people hoping to explain death, decomposition, and other morbid, puzzling phenomena before science could. According to UCLA historian Paul Barber, 18th century Eastern Europeans "simply filled the gaps in their knowledge about the process of decomposition with folktales that could explain" the curiosities they discovered when bodies were exhumed, like blood around the corpse's mouth, nose, or ears, which we now know is a natural occurrence. And for better or worse, many of these vampire myths persist today.

[transward (imported)]

I will point out a more mundane possible reason for the mayor's warning. With the world wide craze for vampires, the village may well be coveting the tourist riches that Transylvania is reaping for its association w/ Dracula. With a local vampire, the tourists are likely to beat a path to the village and spend a metric shitload of money. (Forks, Washington, a small town near the edge of nowhere, is doing a thriving tourist business from being the setting for the Twilight novels)

Transward

[Riverwind (imported)]

OH is this one of those follow the money things?

[foxytaur (imported)]

Come now. It can't be as bad as the twilight saga where vampires have diamond skin when exposed to Sunlight

Twilight the reader's digest chan cut

Twitlight" in a nutshell: Bloo hoo, I'm a maverick girl who's all alone because the other girls are bitches. Whoa! Spooky guy stopped a car with his bare hands! "Stay away from me, I'm (hand to forehead) not what I seem to be," says spooky boy. He's a vampire, but a totally non-threatening one, unless he gets aroused,in which case he says he'll rip my head off and fuck the stump, but I find that even more alluring. Oh noes! Some eeeeevil vampires want to kill Edward, so they're going to kidnap my mom... who abandoned me to travel the world with her new husband, so naturally I love her enough to sacrifice my life. Double oh noes! The evil vampire bit me! Here comes Edward to save the day, and to suck the poison out so I won't become a vampire. Now I want to take him to the Prom! Hey! Hey Edward! Can I be a vampire too? "I am a ninety-year old man(acually this isnt pedophilia, its hebephilia/ephebophilia), you're a sixteen year old little girl, yet somehow I feel you are my soul-mate, my peer, my equal... so, no, you can't join our club."

"New Moon" in a nutshell: "I love you so much that I'm never going to talk to you again, and I'm going to force my whole family to move with me to Italy," says Edward. "Bloo hoo hoo," says Bitchy Bella, "I'm so alone." "Hey let's be friends," says some douche named Jacob. "I'm in a gang, I'm a bad boy, and I'm gonna be a total cunttease by keeping things platonic." "You killed my husband in the first book!" says crazy-ass grief-stricken vampire. "Uh, no, that was Edward, and he broke up with me and left for Italy," says stupid Bella in a moment of clarity. "I'll save you!" says the new faggoty douche bag., "by stopping the car with my vampire powers stopping the psycho with my werewolf powers." "(wet)" says Bella's vagina. Meanwhile: "Oh no, that crazy-ass vampire killed Bella," says Edward, "time to finally earn my emo-kid diploma and kill myself." "Stop!" says Bella and Edward's sparklesister. Then the Italian vampire mafia shows up; "either you break up with the bitch, or make her a vampire, or she sleeps with the fishes, capische?" "Let's all go back to crappy white-trash America instead of living here in Rome," says the stupid bitch, and they all did.

"Eclipse" in a nutshell: Vampires and Werewolves are natural enemies, just like in World of Darkness the movie Underworld real life. Both Edward the vampy and Jacob the furry want to bone Bella (despite the fact that sex with either of them would MAIM or KILL her). Rivalry ensues. The fucked up psycho-bitch vamp from book two bites a shitload of NPCs to make n00b vampires to beat up Edward for killing her husband, and Bella for no good goddamn reason. Jacob's gang and Edward's family overcome their differences, their raid of level 80 monsters takes on Victoria's party of level 2 mooks in a battle so epic it didn't even get written on the book jacket. The one surviving noob vampire displays interest in the idea of becoming a "vegetarian vampire" herself, but as such a thing could provide an interesting character and an interesting exploration of her experience, she is summarily executed by a convenient plot device. At the end of the book Bella choo-choo-chooses Edward and they plan to get married.

"Breaking Spines Dawn" in a nutshell: In Mormon America, nobody has sex before marriage, but we're married now, so let's fuck until your vag is a messed up bloody pulp". Says Edward. "Hellz yeah! But that's not gonna happen if we're careful." says Bella. "Oh, sorry Bella, I kinda beat you bloody and bruised while we were having sex." "That's okay, momma told me it hurts the first time and I'm gonna bleed a little -- let's do it again, but this time could you keep from knocking me unconscious?" "It's okay baby, it ain't rape because we're married." "Oh shit, I'm pregnant. I told you to use a condom!" "That baby is half-vampire, it's gonna mess you up Bella." "No! Pro-life is a proper Mormon American value, I'm going to keep this baby even if I'm gonna die a horrible death during childbirth, and my kid's gonna look like a hellspawn" "Hi momma! I love you and poppa and since I'm a vampire I thought I'd grow to full size in just weeks, kick hard enough to break your ribs and spine -- and oh hell, your pussy isn't going to have time to dilate so is it okay if I just leave by tearing my way out through your abdomen?" "As your father, I have to say that's a bad idea -- let me use my vampire fangs to rip momma's vag a c-section large enough for you to get out." "Hi again, I'm Bella's ex-boyfriend Jacob, did you know that werewolves imprint on some girls just like baby ducks imprint on their momma? I just know that mewling placenta covered-infant daughter of yours is my one and only soul-mate and girlfriend. Have you met my cousin Pedowerebear?" "Edward, honey, I'm glad you finally made me a vampire after I asked you to in book one, and it means I didn't die, but couldn't you HAVE DONE IT BEFORE OUR BABY LAWN-MOWERED ME FROM THE INSIDE OUT?" "Eating people? Oh, of course not, I have vampire super powers that mean I don't get hungry around people, isn't that convenient and easy to write?" "Oi youse, we're da Vampire Mafia, didn't we tell you ta break up wit' her iffen ain't gonna make her a vampire?" "But she is." "Oh. Wait. That baby a' youse, ain't dat da chosen immortal one what will bring balance to da force?" "No, and all these vampire celebrities we've never seen before can swear that she isn't." "Oh, well, dat's awright den, youse kids have fun!" "Oh Edward, now we're both immortal vampires, I love you, you love me, and I can have married sex without looking like I belong in a women's shelter." "You guys, uh, need a babysitter?" "Fuck off, Jacob."

"Midnight Sun" in a nutshell: It's not out yet. The book is gonna be the same as new Moon, except from Edward's point of view. That means the author will force people to buy the same book with the same plot again. But it's okay, cause it's from a different character.

[bobover3 (imported)]

Never heard of Forks until now. Love it. Since I'm an old man, I may free the teen girl buried deep inside and go.

I've actually seen and rather enjoyed all the movies. If you go to the first showing, the theater is packed with packs of teen girls. I get a lot of funny looks. This time, the audience burst into cheers when Jacob took off his shirt. I laughed and had a good time.

[Paolo]

Good...God...no...!

[bobover3 (imported)]

It's true. I haven't perfected a giggle yet, and my bubble gum chewing technique is undeveloped, but when I sit among the girls and wonder whether True Love will triumph, it feels right.

[butterflyjack (imported)]

Hehehe, Bob...What a mayan....Jackie

[Paolo]

The only good thing about the Twilight movies is the CGI for the werewolves.

I found myself wanting to know more about the "little one" in the 2nd movie than I cared about the main characters.

[bobover3 (imported)]

Someone whose avatar combines Mickey Mouse and Darth Vader shouldn't complain. I'm still waiting to be swept away by my True Love. Becoming a vampire would be a nice bonus.