Aw gimme a break (GI JOE edition)

[Dave (imported)]

A few years ago, the powers that be in Moviedom created GI JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA

It was on a 11pm last night and since I have to stay up and drink a pitcher of water for my health, I left it on.

I could have beat my head off the wall until it was bloody and enjoyed that more than the movie. I turned it off for MURDER SHE WROTE repeats. Wooden, hackneyed dialog, stupid plots, endless chases and impossible situations.

I don't think it pleased 10 year olds looking for big explosions.

Now comes the word that there is a sequel... My mind goes blank in fear at the possibilities of AWFULNESS simply waiting to be shown on the movie screen. Since most of the original actors ran away in shame, guess who is joining the effort to "beef up" GI JOE: REVENGE or something like that title?

The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) and Bruce Willis (as titular father of the JOES)...

Gee, Golly, Whizzies, I be that Dwayne will end up in a tight muscle shirt, Willis will be gruff and rough and fight harder than any 57 year old I've ever seen, and some actress will show her tits, and lots of bangs, booms, slashings, and tons of cheesy dialog will fill the theater.

I wonder if they will post a health warning about this movie?

And that, as I've said before, is Dave Craps On a Movie!

[Cainanite (imported)]

What shocks me, is that the original movie, "Rise of Cobra", somehow did well enough to even deserve a sequel.

"Rise of Cobra" (which sounds suspiciously like the title of a badly translated East Indian Porno.) was a terrible movie. It was god awful. The Rotten Tomatoes website rated the movie at 34%. That is pretty bad.

According to Movie Insider figures, that flick cost $170,000,000 to make. It only brought in $150,000,000 domestic. That is usually considered an epic failure.

The reason this movie is getting a sequel, is it made another $150,000,000 worldwide. Bringing the total this movie made to $300M.

That sounds like it almost doubled its money, but from that you need to subtract marketing, distribution, promotional fees, and everything else the studio does to sell the movie. In the end, the investors probably made $1.10 for every $1.00 they spent on it.

It is that 10 cent profit investors made that spurred a sequel. The movie made just enough to justify its existence. This is how Hollywood works. Sequels don't get made for movies of merit, they get made for movies that make a profit, even if that profit is minuscule.

I'm still shocked we have yet to see a movie from James Cameron entitled "Titanic II: Rose's Revenge". I can assure you some studio executive suggested it in all seriousness.

I guess what really amazes me, is that good movies can get made at all in the climate Hollywood fosters.

[Dave (imported)]

Now this is better dialog than any I found in the GI JOE movie:

Humans of Earth, I come in peace. You need not fear me, I mean you no harm. However, it is important to note that most of you will not survive the next 24 hours. The few of you that do survive will be enslaved and experimented upon. You should, in no way, take any of this personally. It's just business. So to recap, I come in peace, I mean you no harm, and you all will die. Gallaxhar out.

[gareth19 (imported)]

Now this is better dialog than any I found in the GI JOE movie:

Humans of Earth, I come in peace. You need not fear me, I mean you no harm. However, it is important to note that most of you will not survive the next 24 hours. The few of you that do survive will be enslaved and experimented upon. You should, in no way, take any of this personally. It's just business. So to recap, I come in peace, I mean you no harm, and you all will die. Gallaxhar out.

I heard a very similar message from the Republican presidential candidates. Do you think they have the same writers?

[Riverwind (imported)]

I would not be surprised, to be honest I don't watch much tv or movies, unless they are old classics of course there were some dogs back then too, the difference is you cant find them.

As for Republicans they seem to recycle their "whats wrong with the world" every couple years, even when they are in office.

River

[george2u2 (imported)]

Republicans and the Etch a sketch?

I'm a little different with my viewing. Netflix and Hulu let me see what I want, and when I want it, for far less than cable or satelite. It's even better than Tevo with it's limited memory, and it's avaiable everywhere, phone, laptop and big screen entertainment room with ruko box.

It's all changing so fast, records, tapes, cassettes, cartridges, Beta, VHS, Floppy discs, DVD's, SD chips, and now they want me to use cloud storage?

[Dave (imported)]

Now this is better dialog than any I found in the GI JOE movie:

Humans of Earth, I come in peace. You need not fear me, I mean you no harm. However, it is important to note that most of you will not survive the next 24 hours. The few of you that do survive will be enslaved and experimented upon. You should, in no way, take any of this personally. It's just business. So to recap, I come in peace, I mean you no harm, and you all will die. Gallaxhar out.

I really must ask this question?

Do you guys know what movie that quote is taken from?

And before I reveal the name of hte movie, let me ask this: DON'T you know me well enough to realize that quote is SO sarcastic and SO insulting the GI JOE movie and its really, really, really, really bad writing?

This was supposed to be funny, so either I am really missing something or you guys are way too political.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

Once in a while some people on forums take it all so seriously that it is impossible to make a point using sarcasm, it is a sort of built in hazard of the internet. --FLO--

[Cainanite (imported)]

I really must ask this question?

Do you guys know what movie that quote is taken from?

And before I reveal the name of hte movie, let me ask this: DON'T you know me well enough to realize that quote is SO sarcastic and SO insulting the GI JOE movie and its really, really, really, really bad writing?

This was supposed to be funny, so either I am really missing something or you guys are way too political.

The movie was Dreamworks' Monsters Versus Aliens. That movie is hilarious and I have it on Blu-ray.

To be fair to all the political comments, the movie did make pretty heavy fun of politicians and the military. But,yes. It does seem some people missed the joke.

[Dave (imported)]

It's one of my favorite kiddie movies.

And yes, it does really make fun of politicians and certain generals.