For reasons I can't fully explain now, going to a doctor and having them surgically removed wasn't an option. I'm kind of a militant do-it-yourselfer, so I figured, why not? I did a lot of research beforehand. The method I decided on was the burdizzo since it looked like the safest/easiest option, and does minimal damage to the scrotum. And since I'm not the most pain-tolerant person on earth I opted to use an anaesthetic, despite the added risk.
I was kind of surprised at how easy it was to buy the requisite stuff off of the internet. I got the burdizzo from eBay (~$30), a 50mL vial of 2% Xylocaine from BME's shop (~$30), 3mL monoJect syringes from a company that sells veterinary supplies(10 for $8), and 27-gauge hypodermic needles from Amazon (10 for $5).
I held on to this stuff for several months, mostly because I was kind of chicken. I didn't have any apprehension about losing the testicles, I just didn't want to stick a needle in them. That's understandable, right? Mostly I was worried about getting the anaesthetic in the right place, apparently you have to inject it around the spermatic cord, but avoid injecting it directly into an artery. That is not nearly as easy as it sounds. This diagram helped
//www.aafp.org/afp/990700ap/137_f2.gif It's for a vasectomy, but it gives you some idea what you're doing. Another important thing, when you inject any drug that you don't want to go into an artery it's important to "aspirate", pull the plunger back to make sure there's no blood coming out.So exactly one week ago today I set up shop in the garage to get it over with. Needless to say it didn't go well the first time. The anaesthetic didn't really hurt at all, but I couldn't manage to get it in the right place. Basically I just ended up with a big, extremely numb weal full of Xylocaine. Since it was just under the skin, it didn't go deep enough to numb the spermatic cords. I didn't want to inject more anaesthetic within such a short period (I promised myself I wouldn't use more than 3mL per side per try) so I decided to put everything away for the night and try the next day.
Things went better on Sunday. I was a little more confident so I managed to get the anaesthetic deeper. I had a hold of the spermatic cord with one hand and was injecting the Xylocaine with the other and I could feel the area around the cord expanding. Within about 10 minutes it was totally numb.
I couldn't feel anything, but I'm still a coward so I was still kind of worried about clamping it down. It's a lot harder than it sounds. The spermatic cord is slippery and wants to take off when you try to close the device. It was also kind of hard just getting the thing closed, it really takes a lot of force and that's kind of an awkward angle to do it from.
To make matters worse, the scrotum kept shrinking (it was rather cool that night and the anaesthetic seemed to make it worse) which didn't leave a lot of room for precision clamping.The first time I got it clamped (on the left side) I don't think I got anything, so I had to try again. I think I got it the second time. The right side went easier, I could definitely feel the spermatic cord right in the middle of the clamp. It's kind of amazing just how tight the jaws on these things close, when I took it off the skin underneath was paper-thin and I could actually see through it.
I put some ice on it and listened to some tunes for a few hours. After the anaesthetic wore off it still didn't hurt that much, just a bit of a burning sensation at the lower part of the scrotum and nothing an Advil couldn't take care of.
I wasn't sure exactly how I felt the next day. I still knew for sure that I wanted to get rid of them, so it was a combination of accomplishment and not so much loss, but permanence. I've never really been fond of irreversible happenings, but this was was worth it.
I've taken it pretty easy this week, no exercising or other strenuous activity. The scrotum stayed kind of hot and swollen constantly for the first couple of days, but gradually went back to sorta normal. One thing I wasn't prepared for is that they seem to be hanging lower than before, like the thing that holds them up isn't holding them up anymore. Anyway, I really hope this works because I don't want to have to do that again, but if I do it should be a lot easier next time.
. I'd still have balls and be too chicken to clamp one of those suckers down on my cord. Hope it worked. Please be mindfull of infection even this far out.