Rather rude, but...

[StefanIsMe (imported)]

Okay, I'm not a witty guy, but I thought I'd post this just because of the reaction it got at work.

Somehow, we got on the subject of some of those brainless starlets in Hollywood trying to raise kids, and we started conjecturing on what would happen if Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton decided to be roomies and raise a kid. Here's how that part of the conversation went:

Friend: "Okay, LiLo and Hilton are caring for you, a baby. What's your first years of life like?

Me: "I'd spend my childhood stuffed in clutch-purses, peering out while being fed designer milk and dog biscuits."

Friend: "You'd probably be dressed pretty cool, though, at least, and you could get your way just by hiding the Zanax pills and Courvoisier."

Me: "I'd probably be okay until they put me on the Baby-Shaker machine and used my leg as a dildo."

My co-workers seemed to show equal quantities of shock and hilarity. This is why I shouldn't be allowed in public after my 3rd double-latte.