My new therapist called today and said she had an opening for me if I could come in. I did and here's a report on my first session.

I typed out a two page letter briefly going over my sexual history and my long term love affair with women’s clothing. I explained that because of my recent battle with chemotherapy that I experienced life without testosterone. That I very much wanted to get back there again. I felt so in touch with myself.

I explained that I was put on “T” because I was doing a lot of crying and felt weak. In hind sight, I liked crying, it made me feel better and I was weak because I’d just had the second of two major surgeries in two years, not to mention being poisoned by chemotherapy drugs. I told her that, I stopped taking it and wanted to start taking a testosterone inhibitor. (after stopping the “T” I’ve lost the ability to have an erection but I still have the need for sex. Talk about being between a rock and a (un)hard place.)

I then spent the next 30 minutes or so telling her about my sex life from childhood and that I wasn’t mistreated by my parents though I have had a colorful sex life, very much on the oversexed side.

At the end of the session she said my wanting to be chemically castrated seemed to be a reasonable idea to solve my over sex problem and she felt I’d looked into it well, but, that I should talk to my GP about the drugs. I.e.; she was very cool about it. As in good.

She wants me to come back though, to talk more about my negative thoughts about my pasted sex life. I was somewhat uncomfortable about telling her what an awful slut I’ve been all my life. Anyhow, I’m going back at least one more time even though I didn’t get much out of it.

Love Gary

Well, one thing I can say about therapists is they have heard just about everything, and your past probably pales in comparison to some of their other clients. Anyways the good ones are there just to help you sort things out, not to judge you

I didn't think I would like talking to a therapist but I actually really did like it. Unfortunately I didn't qualify for the sliding scale. So i guess I'll have to wait a bit ;p

Please pardon my ignorance, what sliding scale and why does anyone have to qualify?

Charis (imported) wrote: Sat Jan 26, 2008 8:38 am Please pardon my ignorance, what sliding scale and why does anyone have to qualify?

Some therapists charge based on your ability to pay. The less you make the less they charge.

Gary,

I've had some slutiness in my past, too. This happened in the first few years after I came out as gay. Whenever it occurred makes no difference, though.

I totally agree with Jema, a very wise person. There's nothing you can tell this therapist that she hasn't heard before. She's also been trained in all of these issues. She understands the human condition.

You've been brave in so thoroughly discussing your sexual history for the first time with a therapist. I don't think there are many folks who can do that. Congratulations.

Finally, after years of therapy you've so easily skipped over , I'm now able to immediately tell a new therapist everything important about my life and sexual history without hesitation or embarrassment.

Good luck,

-todd

Hello all, I’ve had a very bad day and now that I’ve stopped crying, I need to rant a little. So you won’t hurt my feelings if you don’t read on.

This morning I woke up with a raging erection. I was just mortified, I haven’t had one of those dam things in over a month. I thought I was finally done with them. I can’t express how I hate my male genitals. Not a very good start to the day.

This afternoon I had an appointment with my shrink. I got dressed in my most androgynous outfit. Women’s black pants, lavender unisex top, my little knee high nylons and cute women’s black pumps with white stitching . Put on a little make up. All in all felt really nice.

Then off to my shrink. First, my shrink is about a 1000 years old. She’s been doing Transgender counseling for about twenty years. You would think in that time she would of run into someone like me. Someone who only wants not to be a male. Someone who doesn’t want to go all the way to female.

But, no I’m the first. This wasn’t my big problem of the day, though it should have been, No my problem was that she just can’t deal with the fact I want to be a feminine eunuch, so she spent 45 minutes telling me I need to live like a woman for 12 months and learn to speak like a woman (which for a fee she well teach me) and if I come regularly she is sure she could recommend that I have sex reassignment surgery.

I re-explained that I didn’t want to be a female, just not a male. Then she really hurt me. She said “doctors don’t like to make people into freaks”. I was so taken aback that I didn’t say anything.

She then went on to say most normal people want “some kind of sex life“. She said “you seem to want only companionship with your wife and no sex with anyone” that‘s very unusual. By this time I had recovered and sat straight up and pulled my shoulders back thrusting my small flat breast out and said “my wife is not my companion, she’s the love of my life and even though we have not had sex in 10 or 15 years we still are intimate and very loving with each other“. And, as for sex, I’ve had enough sex (with men mostly) for four lifetimes and don’t need anymore thank you.

We had scheduled a two hour session but at this point I terminated the session, paid her off and left. I kept it together on the hour plus drive home with the help of (not on my diet) sweet roll, then once home scratch one box of tissues.

I’ve recovered and I’m ok now, but I need to find a new shrink. So someone tell me the logic in no problem get my penis and testicles cut of and replaced with a vagina but I’m a fucking freak if I only go half way.

A somewhat depressed

Pauline

Pauline,

Your therapist is definitely NOT the one you need. There are better ones out there. You do, though, need to drop off copies of the four articles that Richard and I wrote about voluntary eunuchs. We try to make the point that there is a very valid gender space that is neither male nor female. There are a number of important professionals in sex research who would make the same point.

Let me know what I might be able to do to help.

J. (PhD)

Pauline,

I am so sorry you shared yourself with the wrong person. Health professionals can get into a rut. She was probably so use to helping M to F that she did not understand that M to E was enough for you. Of course there is no excuse for her being insulting. Sounds like she is operating on automatic pilot.

The articles that Jesus can send you will not only help you present your case to a therapist but also help educate a therapist. Probably not the one you went to today.

I am sorry you were so hurt today. Being a eunuch was the correct choice for me and a viable choice for many. You will find someone who can help and you have the concern and care of the members here. Things will get better.

Hugs,

tugon

She said “doctors don’t like to make people into freaks”.

...because then there would be TOO MANY DOCTORS!

gpb3aol (imported) wrote: Fri Mar 07, 2008 9:36 pm She said “doctors don’t like to make people into freaks”.

It's amazing how a doctor should lose all right to practice with a single word.