When is it time?

[ScaredandUnsure (imported)]

So throughout my childhood... which actually wasn't that long ago being as how I'm 20. However, I was told that in time I would grow to know if I was or was not gay. So as I stated... I'm 20 and still having fantasies of guys having sex with me. So what if I don't want them?... What if I would prefer having fantasies of women... or for that matter my wife? ... How do I change, for lack of a better word, what gets me up?

Signed

ScaredandUnsure

[DeaconBlues (imported)]

I am no authority on this subject, I am 45 years old and know a little bit about my own sexuality, and how I came to know that I am bisexual.

This may seem a bit frivilous or capricious, but the way I see it, I am straight, gay, or bisexual largely because of my current environment. Put me alone on a desert island with Sharon Stone, and I am straight, but for Brad Pitt I would be gay, I am who I am. If I change my mind about something, that does not make me "capricious" in my view. Now if I was stranded on a desert island with Brad Pitt AND Sharon Stone, you can be sure I would be bisexual.... On the other hand, if I were stranded on the island with Newt Gengrich..... I am sure I would be asexual, and a murderer in short order.

If I had my choice of ONE person to spend a romantic vacation with, sometimes it would definately be a man, sometimes it would definately be a woman. I honestly do believe that most people are this way. We only delude ourselves when we say we are "straight" or "gay," because if ANY person were put in the right situation with the right person, they would be gay, straight, or anything else.

[genderless (imported)]

I am no authority on this subject, I am 45 years old and know a little bit about my own sexuality, and how I came to know that I am bisexual.

This may seem a bit frivilous or capricious, but the way I see it, I am straight, gay, or bisexual largely because of my current environment. Put me alone on a desert island with Sharon Stone, and I am straight, but for Brad Pitt I would be gay, I am who I am. If I change my mind about something, that does not make me "capricious" in my view. Now if I was stranded on a desert island with Brad Pitt AND Sharon Stone, you can be sure I would be bisexual.... On the other hand, if I were stranded on the island with Newt Gengrich..... I am sure I would be asexual, and a murderer in short order.

If I had my choice of ONE person to spend a romantic vacation with, sometimes it would definately be a man, sometimes it would definately be a woman. I honestly do believe that most people are this way. We only delude ourselves when we say we are "straight" or "gay," because if ANY person were put in the right situation with the right person, they would be gay, straight, or anything else.

There seems to be an awful amount of truth in what your saying.

I would probably kill Newt also. LOL

[ramses (imported)]

Aw, come on... Newt's not THAT bad! I don't like his right wing views on social issues as he is VERY conservative. Other than that he is a brilliant leader and policy maker. Look how much he got done when he took over the speaker with his Contract With America. More than Pelosi's done, that's for sure. I know HE is open minded enough that if he were stuck on an island with YOU, he wouldn't want to murder you because you are gay or bi. HE is more tolerent than that. Liberals only like tolerence if it's their views or lifestyle that's in question.

[ramses (imported)]

ScaredAndUnsure, it sounds like you are bisexual like many others. It took a while for me to accept that that's what i was and now I'm comfortable with it. I am married as well and often have fantasies involving guys. Sometimes after people accept what they are and what their true feelings are, they realize they may be lean further on the gay side of the spectrum than they previously realized. Sometimes it's just fantasizing about what you can't have. Since you sleep with your wife every night, you fantasize about what you don't have. One way to gague your true feelings may be to analyze how you feel about it right after you orgasm. If you feel like kissing and snuggling up to a man after you finish with your wife, it's probably something more than fantasy or fetish. If the ideas repulse you after you orgasm, then the feelings can probably be controlled by SSRI's or lowered T.

Good Luck

[genderless (imported)]

Aw, come on... Newt's not THAT bad! I don't like his right wing views on social issues as he is VERY conservative. Other than that he is a brilliant leader and policy maker. Look how much he got done when he took over the speaker with his Contract With America. More than Pelosi's done, that's for sure. I know HE is open minded enough that if he were stuck on an island with YOU, he wouldn't want to murder you because you are gay or bi. HE is more tolerent than that. Liberals only like tolerence if it's their views or lifestyle that's in question.

LOL Liberals only dislike conservatives forcing their beliefs on others in an unfair way.

I believe that is a green beret badge you're using for your avatar, were you a green beret? If so, I would just like to say thanks for your service in our armed forces.

[ramses (imported)]

LOL Liberals only dislike conservatives forcing their beliefs on others in an unfair way.

I believe that is a green beret badge you're using for your avatar, were you a green beret? If so, I would just like to say thanks for your service in our armed forces.

I wish I could say that I was. I didn't have what it takes to make the 3 in 100 that try. My L4-L5 disc wouldn't allow it. If everyone knew what those guys go through (other special operations included) they would be lookat at as heros in this country instead of Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton. BTW, it's ironic that you commented on my avatar right after I changed it!

[Francis (imported)]

To Scared and Unsure:

I just wanted to address the original topic of this thread. When is it time? I think it is different for every individual. In terms of sexuality don't rush at things in deciding what you are. You need to sort this out before making any further decisions re castration.

I think that there is a syndrome in the human psyche, that when your preferred partner gender is not available then the other gender will become attractive to you. You see this in prisons where straight men, who have no other option, often have sex with other men. They do it and enjoy it, sometrimes forming long term relationships even though they are straight by orientation. I believe that many (not all) of those who think they are bi-sexual are really gay people who through social pressures have been isolated from their preferred partner gender and therefore react by taking up an interest in the opposite sex and consequently fool themselves that they are generally straight. Given the difficulty of adjusting to being gay in many environments, I think this is a real syndrome and I have talked with a number of people who just didn't realise they were gay until later in life. This may be just evolution over time but I believe that it is more an environmental effect.

An example is my own case where although I felt I was gay when I was a young teenager, I so badly wanted to be part of the conventional scene I suppressed the gay feelings (with about 90% success), married, had an active and enjoyable sex life with my wife, produced children and was to all intents straight. That was some years ago now when I was living in communities that would not have tolerated any gay propensities whatsoever which reinforced waht I was doing. This all came at a price. I was never as affectionate as I should have been and the relationship was flawed by that. There was always a feeling of missing something but not clear exactly what. It wasn't until I became exposed to overt gay activities (San Francisco) that I realised where I was really at. Prior to that I thought I was just a kinky straight. Now I recognised that I was really a gay guy masquerading as a straight guy, but by then much too acclimatised and committed to make any change.

Now in today's more open world, my gay side has kicked back in, where I am now somewhat but discreetly active, and I now realise that my real orientation was always about 90% gay but have to say it is still somewhat confused at times.

My advise is to therefore take the time to look carefully at yourself, think through what you want to do, seek professional advice as appropriate (not sure where at and who from) and don't do anything irrevocable until you understand yourself much better. I think you mentioned a wife. I don't think that you can successfully overlap both the gay and straight sides without some pain and you will finally have to decide to function as one or the other. If children and family are important to you and your chief goal is fitting in with the majority of the community, your best option may be to just focus on that and make the most of it rather trying to deal with the tensions of playing both sides.

I can say that in my case I now realise that my way was not fair to a number of people in my life and if I had to do it over again, knowing what I know now and in today's more tolerant environment, I might have taken a different path. I think my interest in castration may be a consequence of these tensions in my life and I wondered if your interest is not being generated similarly. If so at your age you should not do anything precipitate and carefully think through your particular options.

For what it is worth. This will probably get me blasted by the people who do not fit into my hypothetical categories. I have exposed as much of myself as I am comfortable with there but would be happy to continue via messages if you want to talk more about it.

[JesusA (imported)]

Scared-and-Unsure,

First of all, you need to graduate from thinking of aspects of real life in polar pairs. Not only are real live people much more complex than just “gay” vs. “straight,” they are even vastly more complex than simple “male” or “female.”

About one baby in 2,000 is born with external plumbing so intermediate that the doctors can’t decide whether to write “M” or “F” on the birth certificate without extensive testing. The chromosomes that determine “sex” come in more than just the XX and XY combinations (XO, XXY, XYY, etc.). The internal plumbing can be extremely complex, and need not match the external. Then we get to the complexity of what’s inside the head.

There are enough different variations of each of the various components known that if they were all equally common, there would be no reason to suppose that any two humans who have ever lived were the same exact combination of sex and gender.

Your goal is to analyze yourself to determine who and what you are. You need not be like anyone else you know.

You need to become comfortable with who and what you are.

Much of sex and gender is fixed before birth or through experiences (including exposure to environmental chemicals) by a very early age. As much as you may want to, it almost impossible to successfully change any of the psychological parts.

In answer to your question, “

How do I change, for lack of a better word, what gets me up?

” you probably can’t change very much. You need to find a competent counselor who specializes in gender issues. If you are completely open and frank with such a counselor, it shouldn’t take very long for you to discover who you are and to become comfortable with that person. Once you are comfortable with yourself, you should find that most others will be comfortable with you as well.

According to your Public Profile, you’re not yet sure even about your identity gender – do you identify as “male” or “female.” You even put your possible sexual orientation as “lesbian.”

You’re still very young, and you have a great deal of thinking to do. The people here on the Eunuch Archive are willing to serve as a sounding board and to provide feedback as you try to work through some of your thoughts. A professional counselor would certainly help you by asking the right questions for you to answer.

Your initial post here is a first step. You need to take many more.

Jesus

[wolfpuck (imported)]

Ok, I may not be the expert on gays but my friend sean is (he's great to snuggle with too) here is a link that i think will help. it's not really a choice unless of course you are bi and can choose wich one you preffer that day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=traDM19Ag64