I realise that I have left odd posts here and there. I apologise if I've detracted from other people's threads. As a new-comer to sites like this I may have made some gaffs.

I'm 55 years old and rather short at 5ft 5. I married once, which was a disaster and no children. I'm an only child and both parents have died. So I have no responsiblites except to myself. I still have my own hair but hate bodily hair, balls and my penis.

I came across this site while exploring Penectomy on Google and thought "this is for me".

When I was 16, looking out of my bedroom window, the wind blew a passing girl's skirt into the air showing her stockings etc. That night I borrowed my mother's stockings, put them on and "erupted."

I have been hooked ever since. I acquired female clothes from various sources and went out cross-dressed especially to the cinema. After my marriage I started to wear my wife's clothes which was easy when she was out or in hospital with depression and I was about her size. Later she found photos of me in her clothes and divorced me. For the past 20 years I've been alone except with the odd lover or so. But at my height, what choice do you have as a man?

I have tried many things - inserting Premarin tablets up my penis with a Canastan tube.

For the past 4/5 years I have applied Estraderm patches and taken Premarin tablets which did nothing for the first year or so until one morning I woke to see tiny breast buds popping through and felt like a young girl seeing hers for the first time.

Since then my breasts have grown to an A cup and I love them, especially the feel of my upper arm muscles against them.

The Estraderm reduced my libido, and my penis and testicles.

About 4 years ago my prostate came the size of a jumbo and I had radical surgery in Greece which stopped all ejaculation except for the odd drip, literally!!

Now I can squeeze my testicles with no pain but they won't go away.

This week I learnt about banding on this site, and read carefully most of the sites. I've tried it and am comfortable with it ie no pain or discomfort except for my first try when I had the testes on either side of the rubber band.

Tonight I have gone from White to red to purple, and now blackish. And still no pain. Why?

There is no pain because the nerves are "dead". This does NOT mean that anything else in there is in the same state! The change of color means that you have impaired the circulation in the scrotum. Again, this does not mean that the other inhabitants of your crotch have been affected in any way that you would find to your liking. You are in danger of inducing gangrene in your scrotum and may have already done so. This is not a good thing. If the bands are still on you may want to seek medical advice. I can assure you they have seen stranger cases than you. If you have removed the bands watch for dry, necrotic (dead looking) areas of your scrotum. If it has a bad odor or you see redness spreading (especially reddish streaks) from the immediate area RUSH to an emergency room or urgent care clinic. Do not hesitate. Be careful. --FLO--

Thanks Uncle Flo. I took the band off to go to sleep (Im UK time). The left testicle which was always a little lower than the right is now in a verticle line below the other and is somewhat mis-shapen ie almost in two and the cord doesn't seem to be there. No pain or discolouration (or smell!)

Stalikas, I've sent you a private message but may havescrewed it up. Sorry

The left testicle is still vertically below the right but seems to have moved round 180 degrees with the small part on the other side! No pain at all. Left is now smaller than the right and still I can't feel a cord left, just a thin one perhaps. In fact the left testicle seems to be floating. No redness at all. Is perhaps necrosis being absorbed? Could it be linked with my prostatectomy in Greece since I have never had an erection until some nights ago and nothing at all since. Does this make me an almost eunuch? I hope so. Banded again tonight despite warnings. Just purple right now.

Again banded tonight, but double. Scrotum purplish-black and shining. Left testicle seems smaller tonight so I used an injection needle, sterilized with sterile water in it and pierced the scrotum - a little painful and into the left testiicle - no pain as it slipped into the middle. Removed it and mopped up the trickle of blood.

Please, be careful. Watch for signs of necrosis, infection or excessive inflamation. You are at a critical point. You may not notice the harm because you are so focused on what you are doing. Be ready to accept the embarassment of seeking medical help if you need to. --FLO--

I went to the doctor's this morning. He was not sympathetic but referred me to a psychiatrist as I had also cut my penis last week after banding it. I chickened out when it started to bleed. I put a dressing on it and it's healing OK with a scar . I'm still hoping for castration. The idea on one thread of doing it in the hospital car park has it's attractions but I'd probably come back to find the car clamped.

helen col (imported) wrote: Tue Jun 26, 2007 3:30 am I went to the doctor's this morning. He was not sympathetic but referred me to a psychiatrist as I had also cut my penis last week after banding it. I chickened out when it started to bleed. I put a dressing on it and it's healing OK with a scar . I'm still hoping for castration. The idea on one thread of doing it in the hospital car park has it's attractions but I'd probably come back to find the car clamped.

Autopenectomy seems like a no-win situation. :/ I don't see how someone could pull that off themselves with no professional medical help.. ?

I tried castrating myself in a hospital parking lot last June. It was a truly idiotic attempt. I used just a rubber band and was going to use a utility knife/box-cutter. I started to saw but the skin seemed much rougher and harder to cut that I imagined. I guess I wasn't pressing hard enough because I didn't even leave a mark. lol.. I'm glad I didn't though, I probably would have bled to death; going into shock and all that.

If you're going to do it near a hospital might as well do it IN the hospital, like in the bathroom. I read a report of a guy successfully doing it that way before, in an ER bathroom.

(Wow. I accidentally turned my computer off while typing this message and Firefox totally saved it for me.)

helen col (imported) wrote: Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:00 pm Again banded tonight, but double. Scrotum purplish-black and shining. Left testicle seems smaller tonight so I used an injection needle, sterilized with sterile water in it and pierced the scrotum - a little painful and into the left testiicle - no pain as it slipped into the middle. Removed it and mopped up the trickle of blood.

Please be careful. This is not the best way to go if you are wanting castration or penetectomy. You need professional help and advice ASAP. You will end up in the tabloid press or on the autopsy table in the local morgue if you persist in cutting yourself.