Little Yoli here! (Can I get a "Yayyyy!"?)

I'm not certain that this is the appropriate forum for this so if it's moved I'm OK with that.

Anywayyyyyy...

I try to spoil myself with a new motorized wheeled conveyance every other model year. I usually dedicate my annual bonuses to this and, so far, it's worked well. I always finance a portion of the price of the car, at most 25%, in order to keep an active and positive credit rating other than that resulting from my hobby of melting plastic at the mall.

For the past five years I've consistently owned three (plus the one BigGuy left here in our care.) vehicles; one a daily driver, one for roads less traveled, and the other something I can look cute in. In past, the "herd" has pretty much consisted if something like a Volvo S60 (turbo), Lexus (NOT the biggest one!) or Acura TL and something I can get dirty with...like a Jeep or smaller SUV, plus the totally ridiculous fun car. The daily driver is replaced every other year (unless a new example of one of the other two types is replaced,) the "Dirtmobile" every three to four years, and the "I'm gonna get killed (accident, carjacking, lightning strike,) in this thing, but I LOOK so good in it" vehicle (Honda 2000 Roadster at the moment, bought "pre-owned" but as new.) might be kept for anywhere from two to five years, depending on whim, mileage, common sense (or lack of), etc.

OK, so it's time to replace the daily driver...over 40,000 miles in only 26 months on that puppy. "Car is pristine, all service done on time. Driven only by a sweet girl who has a castration fascination. Comes with eunu...UNIQUE bling hanging from rear-view mirror!" Now THERE is a deal-maker!

I've spent considerable time studying cars. I read all the magazine reports and comparisons, I check reliability ratings, just about everything.

OK, so I made a choice, did some research on pricing, and wiggled into a dealership. This was a few weeks ago, BTW.

I now ask God above, do ALL car salesmen think ALL females are total fools?

So, as briefly as possible...by my standards

When I arrived at the dealer I did NOT wait to be ambushed. Instead, I ankled purposefully into the place, selected a FEMALE salesperson..yes, there are some, and told her EXACTLY what I wanted and EXACTLY what I'd pay for it. In addition I made it clear that I neither needed nor wanted "extra undercoating", etc, nor would I finance the car with them. I already had, in hand, a letter of credit from my bank and my checkbook. When I told her how little of the cost I would be financing she blinked.

"Don't you even want a test drive?" she mumbled. "Nope. A friend at work has the same one, except for color, and he swapped me that for a long weekend in exchange for my lil' roadster."

"Roadster???" she asked.

"Yesssss...roadster." I hissed.

"What will you be trading?" came the query.

"Nothing. The same retired couple that bought my two previous daily drivers have already tagged this one for themselves." I replied.

I could tell she wanted her mother, badly, right now!

So, she wrote it all up and did the "I must have this approved by the Sales Manager, be right back." thing. I just sat and smiled in anticipation of my next kill.

Sure enough, she comes back with this chubby doofus in tow. Believe it or not, the idiot begins "Little lady, we're close to a deal....". That's when "Little" Yoli stood and said "Take it or leave it. I can get the same car for MY price elsewhere. I'm ONLY buying it here because your service department has a good reputation."

Have you ever seen or imagined the expression on the face of a man who has just felt his balls shrivel to the size of raisins? Have you ever seen the expression on the face of a female car peddler who wishes she were somewhere else?

He stared at me in utter amazement, then began to laugh. He said, "Give this lady what she wants." Then, to me, "Ma'am, you are one special person!"

Heck, you guys here could have told him THAT!

Well, that should have been it, and by now I should be tooling around, nose in the air, Bluetooth babbling, in my new toy. Alas, that will be delayed a bit.

You see, the saleslady called me, all aglow, this morning, at the office. "It's here! All ready for you!" she almost shrieked, "Shall we send our courtesy car for you?"

I agreed, but told her to have the driver pick me up at home...agreed, time set.

Sooooo...Little Yoli gets chauffered to the dealership, sizing up the driver's potential for eunuchhood. L.Y. is greeted by both the saleslady AND the aforementioned doofus and is escorted to a shaded spot to meet her new car.

Saleslady: "Well, Miss -- -- ----, there it is!"

Yoli: "Well, Miss Flinch, there it is NOT!"

Doofus and saleslady, in unison, "WHAT???"

Yoli: "Wrong color."

Now, I ask you, how in heck does something like that happen? Well, we rechecked the original order I'd signed. The handwritten code was correct. So it had to have been an error in entering the order and that was not the saleslady's fault, but rather the fault of some mini-wage, mini-brain, teen in the back room...I guess.

When I left to reenter the limo, the poor lady was in tears. The doofus was off to find and mangle someone, anyone, on whom he might pin the blame.

Sigh...another three to four weeks.

This is not so bad, save for the following; The older couple were planning to leave on a long trip to see kids and grand-apes in a few days. In anticipation of that, I'd had the outgoing car detailed, serviced, and put on a new set of premium tires for them. That may sound extreme to you, but to know them is to love them. Well, they WILL depart on time, in their "new" Yolimobile, and Yoli will zip about in the Roadster, top down, AC on MAX, Bluetooth babbling, and Mozart blasting from the speakers...or maybe Wagner...better for top-down listening...or maybe the Jeep.

On the upside, if anyone here wants a new car that's priced for quick sale I know where you can make a deal, if you can stand a color resembling what I think Hyena poop might look like. I'll even autograph an 8x10 glossy of me, wearing only a smile and a head-to-toe coat of Valvoline (Vulvaline?) for you.

Have a lovely, simply lovely, day. And remember, UR BALLS ARE BELONG TO ME!

Yoli The Dragon Slayer

Yoli the goddess... Next time I buy a new vehicle, I'd like to hire you to do it for me!!! Here's my story--

Went in and purchased myself a nice '04 Cobra SVT with the chameleon paint job and leather.. Purchased a black '04 Plain Jane Mustang as a birthday gifty for my sister. Salesman was pretty nice, until I brought my sister in to sign the paperwork... She says "tell me about my new car, bob" and this punk ass ((insert vile and disgusting string of wicked obscenities here)) had the nerve to say "It's black, and pretty" So my sister says "Ok, Bob, then talk to me like I've got a penis." I on the other hand was suddenly in the mood to remove his. So he gave her a very brief rundown of the car. We finished the paperwork and took off.

When the phone survey lady for the dealership called me later to ask how my experience was, I gave her an earfull. Told her how inappropriate he was and how awful we felt.. Oh and I threw in there also that we had been considering purchasing a new one for our aunt as well as replacing our own daily drivers but because of Bob we would not be returning to their dealership.

She apologized profusely, and immediately got the head person from the dealership involved. They then offered to sell us the car at fleet pricing in an attempt to make up for Bob's blunder. Fine. So we get a brand new taurus for $16k rather than the $26k sticker. Rock on. So we want to give her a classy looking vehicle, told them we wanted black with black interior. Well, Bob didn't like that. Apparently that made more work for him, plus because of his big mouth they took away his commission for both mustangs and the new taurus. Yeah he was NOT a happy camper.

Showing us the cars he had on the lot, he kept telling us "I've got it in white! I've got it in blue! Here's one in Merlot! But Nooooooooo it's GOTTA BE BLACK!" Waving his hands about in the air like a damn fool. Then when we were considering getting a color other than black, we asked about one and he says "I guess I could read the sticker to you... " and proceeds to do so.

We left.

And guess what I told the survey lady when she called me again.

So guess what they did... Offered to sell us not only the taurus in question, but also the repacements for our daily drivers at fleet pricing. Turned them down. So they offered to add all the upgrades we wanted on the cars (rear spoiler, shift on the floor and all three had to be black with black interior) on them and find us another salesman.

Larry used to be a minister. I'm not sure how I feel about a minister turned used car salesman. Sounds a little fishy to me. But he was fabulous. Got us exactly what we wanted and didn't screw around. The whole thing is still rather upsetting!

Ok well I'm done with my long ass story, what was the point? oh yeah, car salesmen have a place reserved for them in hell, right under Satan's desk!

I don't drive (I get car sick) but I wish I had your balls Yoli. Salesmen see me coming, and I rarely get a good deal. Love both stories, btw.

Yoli, your the best. I always love hearing your little quests.

River

I did something not quite along these lines when I bought my last truck.

Usually, if it sounds too good to be true, it is.

Well, this was a 2004 and I was looking at it in 2006.

One of the mechanics on the service staff at the dealer had traded it off for a higher mileage car. It looked nice. I could see some paint touch up, and he claimed to have been 'raked' by a low tree limb. OK, no biggie.

Next came me crawling under it and trying to pull things out or break things. Nothing gave. "Why is the green truck rocking?" someone asked. Then I crawled out from under it. Jacked it up, proceeded to try and kick/tear the tires off. Slammed all the doors. Beat on the dash. Cranked up the stereo. Basically, I tried to beat it to death then took it for a drive.

Came back and told 'em I had to do a CarFax on it.

Mileage discrepancy!

You should have seen the owner's face.

Turned out it was a Canada exec vehicle, and the mileage was all over the place. When it came in, the math showed that someone drove it 4k miles in one day from reports. I grew suspicious. All the while, they're busy with my trade in, trying to figure out why I'd trade off a 2002 with so many new parts - all put on inside a month...I was honest. They were in a panic. They had 3 of these trucks, and about 6 of the Explorer/Bronco-look ones in addition to a host of other 4wd trucks no one wanted.

Well, I finally agreed to buy it, perplexing them over the mileage issue - I already knew what it was.

"It has like 30K miles on it! It's a deal."

"Yes it is, now let's to the discrepancy," I say.

Still, I'm going to buy it and get it for like $13k when book value reads $23.9k.

I signed for it, got the keys.

Then I told the shop manager to plug it into his computer and zap the electronic odometer back to miles and not kilometers.

Roughly, a Kilometer is half of a mile. .6 really.

Suddenly the truck, now mine, had 15K MILES on it and not ~30k KM.

The paperwork had all been switching back and forth and back and forth, and it turned out, someone had forgot to switch it back to miles for USA paperwork. A thorough check showed that indeed, 15k miles was the right number.

So if you went 1 mile, you would have ~2km showing. Suddenly the mileage was cut in half again.

I was quite happy.

They were stunned.

I drove off...

Those are some great stories. I love making car salesmen cry or throw up! You see, I pay cash. There goes all their fancy extra under-the-table kickbacks from the finance company right into the trash can.

Yeah they made me write a seperate check for each vehicle. The look on the manager's face when I told them I was going to write a check for the full amount on not just my cobra but all the vehicles.... Priceless.

My current car was purchased new but not locally. I tried to deal with the dealer and told him I would be getting my own financing. He came back with the offer and said they could finance it at a high interest rate at a time when rates were low. I told him I would think about it.

Next I drove to my bank and told them I wanted to buy a car for x number of dollars. They approved me at an interest rate 1/3 the rate the dealer offered. I drove to another city and bought the car. Then of course I had to drive it to the dealer who would not deal and wanted to rip me off on interest to show them the car. A customer was looking at the same car and asked if I liked it. I said yes and told them where to get a good loan and where to buy the car at a good cost. The salesman was glad to see me leave.

Yoli I will seek out your advice next time I make a purchase. Paolo good job recognizing it was in kilometers.

tugon (imported) wrote: Thu Jun 07, 2007 10:12 am My current car was purchased new but not locally. I tried to deal with the dealer and told him I would be getting my own financing. He came back with the offer and said they could finance it at a high interest rate at a time when rates were low. I told him I would think about it.

Next I drove to my bank and told them I wanted to buy a car for x number of dollars. They approved me at an interest rate 1/3 the rate the dealer offered. I drove to another city and bought the car. Then of course I had to drive it to the dealer who would not deal and wanted to rip me off on interest to show them the car. A customer was looking at the same car and asked if I liked it. I said yes and told them where to get a good loan and where to buy the car at a good cost. The salesman was glad to see me leave.

Yoli I will seek out your advice next time I make a purchase. Paolo good job recognizing it was in kilometers.

The financing is where they will screw you over. You see, the rate that they quote you is always higher than the rate they get from their lender. That way they get not only the finder's fee for the loan, but also the extra interest each time you make a payment!

I'll have to remember that Kilometers to Miles trick the next time I sell a vehicle. Ha! Ha! Just kidding....

The term 'undercoating' makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Ignore..