im not sure what is going on in my body. i am now on this medication and feel very different. after one night on the patch my nipples hurt and today three days latter they are inflamed and sore.

i have some issues at this point with seeing what plays out on the medication. a part of me wants to rip the patch off, another part wants to keep it on and play out the reactions.

im scared.

i dont want breasts, but i do.

i want to be a girl, i dont.

i hate these feelings, and one thing is for sure. becoming a eunuch has created a great conflict inside me over what i am. i could see myself as a female, but im not sure that i am really strong enough to take that route in life. i am a castrated male, i have been neutered. i am a amputated caracas.

i dont want to be on pills or patches, for the rest of my life. i hate it.

i feel upset over really little things, moody, sleepy.

nothing else i can express with words right now. i am a body of lead. dead.

homptydumpty (imported) wrote: Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:15 pm im not sure what is going on in my body. i am now on this medication and feel very different. after one night on the patch my nipples hurt and today three days latter they are inflamed and sore.

i have some issues at this point with seeing what plays out on the medication. a part of me wants to rip the patch off, another part wants to keep it on and play out the reactions.

im scared.

i dont want breasts, but i do.

i want to be a girl, i dont.

i hate these feelings, and one thing is for sure. becoming a eunuch has created a great conflict inside me over what i am. i could see myself as a female, but im not sure that i am really strong enough to take that route in life. i am a castrated male, i have been neutered. i am a amputated caracas.

i dont want to be on pills or patches, for the rest of my life. i hate it.

i feel upset over really little things, moody, sleepy.

nothing else i can express with words right now. i am a body of lead. dead.

I would strongly suggest you see a gender issues counselor, and I would also strongly suggest, that if you are going to take medicines, consider being screened for serious depression. Castration can often precipitate depression, as can not effectively managing transgender issues.

kristoff,

i see where you may think that counseling would be a good thing. however i can tell you now that it is not. i hate talking to an over educated, over paid, under license individual about real life. it has never helped and never will.

i could better spend my time talkin to friends.

i am not depressed, i am frustrated.

homptydumpty (imported) wrote: Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:40 pm however i can tell you now that it is not. i hate talking to an over educated, over paid, under license individual about real life.

I'm guessing you've had some really crappy mental health professional people's. I've been quite lucky with those people - I've consistently had some really great ones that have helped me a lot.

it really is a wonder, just how i got tha shity end of the stick, aint it.

Doesn't mean you can't gouge somebodies eyes out with the other end of the stick. Just try not to let it slip.

homptydumpty (imported) wrote: Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:15 pm i could see myself as a female, but im not sure that i am really strong enough to take that route in life.

I feel the same way. It's not easy to know what to do. Just remember you always have people who care about you

Huggggs

Jema

homptydumpty (imported) wrote: Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:15 pm im not sure what is going on in my body. i am now on this medication and feel very different. after one night on the patch my nipples hurt and today three days latter they are inflamed and sore.

i have some issues at this point with seeing what plays out on the medication. a part of me wants to rip the patch off, another part wants to keep it on and play out the reactions.

im scared.

i dont want breasts, but i do.

i want to be a girl, i dont.

i hate these feelings, and one thing is for sure. becoming a eunuch has created a great conflict inside me over what i am. i could see myself as a female, but im not sure that i am really strong enough to take that route in life. i am a castrated male, i have been neutered. i am a amputated caracas.

i dont want to be on pills or patches, for the rest of my life. i hate it.

i feel upset over really little things, moody, sleepy.

nothing else i can express with words right now. i am a body of lead. dead.

My MD said my "symptoms" matched those of mental depression and match your feelings. She got me on the right balance of hormones and I'm not "depressed" anymore! In fact life for me went from being sucking the "S" word to 1000x better.

Before I went on HRT I think I would have felt as you do. I don't want to be on pills or patches or gels etc for the rest of my life. Then I started getting HRT that worked for me and made my life better and I asked how long will I be on this? When I was told FOR LIFE I was very pleased.

homptydumpty (imported) wrote: Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:15 pm im not sure what is going on in my body. i am now on this medication and feel very different. after one night on the patch my nipples hurt and today three days latter they are inflamed and sore.

i have some issues at this point with seeing what plays out on the medication. a part of me wants to rip the patch off, another part wants to keep it on and play out the reactions.

im scared.

i dont want breasts, but i do.

i want to be a girl, i dont.

Hang in there. It is the only way that you will find out if it is right for you. I would like to find a way to get my doctor to castrate me (including penectomy) and put me on female hormones. How did you arrange it?

i feel better today, last night and yesterday had been a bit tough. i had a beer right before i sat down to type, im sure you all understand.

to speak the truth, i feel like i am caught in a web and see no escape. i love life really i do, its so damb hard though to make it work sometimes.

Having issues with my health is what brought me to hormone use. feelings of retardation seem to be a side effect of the patch. Also there is an increased ability to just sleep, where as up until a few days ago, about 5 hours of sleep was all my body would allow. like mentioned last night, my breasts immediately began hurting, and rock like lumps have developed under the nipples. On the leaflet that came along with the meds there is a list of side effects to report if experienced, and the breast lumping and tenderness is one.

all and all, nothing too bad has come of the use, however, as every one knows, i hate thinking about the lack of options. Rather what i mean is i dislike the use of medications. I keep telling myself that my body has the ability to regulate itself, there for i should just let it be.

is this wrong?

one thing that i would like every desiring wana be eunuch to know, is that life is no more easy post castration. Choosing to live a life of unnatural deprivation from sex hormones is very different from what one would expect. Mind altering changes acure as your body slowly depletes itself of much needed hormones. to put it into a comparison for you to understand, a car can run without fresh/clean oil, but its really very hard to keep it going.

somethings have changed over the past 8 months that i never would have imagen would. and otherthings have stayed just the same as they where before.

z