caultron (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm
This has been an interesting and unique story. Thanks for continuing to develop it.
Thanks!
I had more trouble with the mental age of the main characters. Sometimes they behave like 6-year olds (i.e. playing in a toy corner), sometimes they behave like 12-14 year-olds, and sometimes in between. This happens frequently in juvenile stories but more strongly in yours.
I agree. Age Discrepency is one of my own criticisms as well... TT (Traveling Tradesgirl) has been the most difficult writing I've ever done. This was really the first time I've ever written a "minor" type story (my previous "minor" story, "Four Girls and a Boy", was based entirely on true events (actual real memories) and mostly on previous journal/diary entries, so it was much easier).
In some places (especially in the earliest chapters), keeping TT age-appropriate was really easy because it was all based on either true events that happened to me when I was that age, or fantasies I had when I was that age. But outside these memories, where I had to "fill in the blanks" with other material and add things to make this into a good story, it sometimes became difficult to say what I wanted to say and still keep the characters young-sounding.
The only possible excuse could be that the Elemetary School I went to for the first few years of my school-life was a small Private School for "gifted" kids. Most of the students there were highly intellegent, and some were very talkative and mature for thier age. I did not include any reference to this in the story... But, even taking this into consideration, there is still too much Age Discrepency at times!
I have gained a lot of experience in writing TT, though. I think if I ever write any more "minor" type stories in the future, I will be a lot better at keeping things age-appropriate.
caultron (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm
The main character’s indecision between liking a weenie or a coochie, between dressing and acting like a boy or girl, and between hiding or revealing his secret is very well done. This is the key element that keeps the story interesting.
I'm happy to hear that. This is one of the main themes I was trying to create!
When I was young, I thought about this a lot: If I really did get "girl parts" down there, would I want to keep it that way or get my "boy parts" back? Would I have to dress like a girl and act like a girl while I had (or if I kept) my "girl parts"? What if I got stuck with "girl parts" and could never get my "boy parts" back again? What if someone found out I had "girl parts"? I tried to write all of this into the story.
caultron (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm
I presume there are more details regarding Wendy and her mother, and possibly regarding the rest of her family. Are they witches? Do the toolsets work for anyone, or just for girls, or just for certain girls? Why did they leave town after Wendy’s tenth transformation?
Yes more details, reasons, and explanations are coming. I will be bringing this story to a close in the next part (or two parts if part 9 gets too long). All will be explained.
Witches? Well sort-of, but not really. The toolsets would work for anyone (although making them work only for girls, or only for those 4 or 5 girls, is a very intriguing idea!). The main reason they left town after the tenth transformation was simply because #1 - there were only 10 boys in Wendy's class, and more importantly #2 - knowlege of what happened was starting to come out and Wendy's mom got scarred/nervous, she didn't want to deal with the publicity and questions.
caultron (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm
Did any toolsets get left behind, or are any others available? (I hope so.)
Right now, Wendy and co. have all 5 of them. So there are no others available for the characters. But, there are a few other toolsets in the world which will become available later.
caultron (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm
Is it possible that either Chris’s parents or the main character’s parents were out of town so the dads could get cochies?
Now that is a really neat idea!!
At this point in the story, the only men who have been changed with the toolsets are Wendy's Dad and the Janitor.
caultron (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm
I was disappointed in chapter 28 that the boy’s restroom had been reopened still with urinals. I was hoping that before Wendy “fixed” all the boys in her class, her mother had “fixed” the school administration, and that the school would end up with two girl’s rooms and none for boys. Annie, Judy, Shelly, or other assistants could have transformed – or might be transforming – all the boys in all the other classes. (Some prep school, eh?)
Wasn't the direction I wanted to take with this story. Had to have some boys left to keep the Main Characters boy-or-girl stuggle alive and add tension to it. Constant reminders of what he's lost (and/or what he now has).
That is an interesting idea, though. Perhaps a future story will take that direction. Maybe Wendy could get taken to the office, and the Principal could be a child molester or something (all to glad to drop his pants and let Wendy have at it). Wendy leaves with another one added to her peculiar collection, and the school gets a new female leader...
caultron (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm
I wonder if Wendy used any sort of mind control to get the boys to let her use her toolkit. I also wonder if some of the things girls made the coochie-boys chant were actually mind-control spells.
The main idea I was trying to convey was just the girls having fun at the boy's expense, and a little bit of brainwashing (trying to get the boys to believe something they disagree with, by making them chant it a few times and placing it in sort of a ritual context). The Main Character felt something rise up because it struck a chord deep within his being, something that was already there (he always liked the way coochies looked, envied them ever since the first time he saw a girl naked, and deep down he kind of always wanted to be a girl).
caultron (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm
I hope the main character and his/her mother don’t turn the story into one of forced feminization. There are billions of those already, all pretty much the same.
Not going to be Forced Fem / Femdom. The closest Traveling Tradesgirl gets to that, is the main character's mother gently suggesting a few different times that the main character try wearing nightshirts, panties, girls clothing, ect, just one time... Nothing more. No forcing, it is always entirely the main character's decision.
His mother did always want a girl during her pregnancy... But she is not the type of woman who would ever force her kid (or her husband or anyone else) into doing anything against thier will. Even when something she once wanted so badly is now within reach if she would just push a little -- she just isn't that type of person and will not push. Mainly she has the well-being of others in mind, above her own wants and needs.
caultron (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm
More interesting, I think, is to think of a world populated with girls and coochie boys only. I suppose the ten percent (or whatever) who are lesbians would find partners, but what about everybody else? Who would a former straight male find attractive? Who would a straight woman find attractive? Would they see coochie-men as men or as dykes?
Another very intriguing idea.
I think if I were to take this route, I would do something like "The Highlander" where everytime a male gets turned into a coochie-boy, all the remaining males become a little more virile and gain more sexual stamina. Soon some very horny girls figure this out, and seek to make as many coochie-boys as possible, so they can each have thier own super-studs (who can fuck them silly, and actually outlast them in bed).
caultron (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm
What happens to adult men after being converted? Does most of their body hair fall out? Does their skin soften? Do they grow breasts? Does their voice change? Do they get shorter and thinner? If they’re bald or balding, does it grow back? And in each case, over what time period?
Yes to all of that, except they wouldn't grow shorter and wouldn't get thinner as a result of their transformation (although traditional methods of weight loss would make them thinner).
Basically for adult males it would be sort of a slow "second puberty". They slowly over a period of 2 to 5 years (depending on how "manly" they were before), develop feminine characteristics. It also has an effect on their mind as thier body slowly switches from producing normal male hormones to female hormones. After about 3/4th the way through thier "second puberty" they start to have periods and pretty much from then on are fully a woman (capable of getting pregnant and all).
For boys (below age of puberty) it is pretty quick. Within 6 months to a year, they are fully feminized -- the same as girl thier age would be. Subtle changes occur, especially in thier faces, which make them look like girls. Mentally, after only a few months after transformation, being a girl "down there" begins to feel normal, right, proper. This is due to the influence of female hormones (which are stronger than normal for the first few months) on the brain. It requires an increasing amount of willpower for the boy to keep thinking of himself as a boy. Within a year, the thought of having boy-parts "down there" starts to feel strange and not-right and only the more strongminded and willfull boys will be able to continue to assert thier boyness. All others remember that they were a boy once, but its just a memory almost like a dream, and is no longer reality to them (They are a girl now. Or, some will still continue to maintain that they are "coochie-boys"). Puberty happens as it normally would with girls.
During puberty would be somewhere between these two -- the more "man" they are the longer the body and mind transformation would take (genital transformation is always done within a minute or two).
The quickest transformation would be if a boy were "tooled" near the beginning of puberty. It would only take a few weeks to a few months for him to fully feminize, because the genitals are already putting out lots of hormones and the transformation will cause them to put out even more (He would feminize very quickly, and be really really horny the whole time, even more than teenagers normally are).
If there were a magic toolset that could turn girls into boys (or women into men), the same would be true, but vice-versa of course.
caultron (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm
Anyway, great story! Please keep it up!
caultron
Thanks again for the comments. Part 9 is on its way, but I'm only about 20% done with it. It will, unfortunately, be a little while before I get it done. I have a very busy/time-consuming schedule and it is often difficult to find the time to write. I don't have anywhere near as much free time as I used too.
