I guess kinda confused

[dryst911 (imported)]

Hi, I know that this is an issue that has been brought up before, but I am trying to figure out if this is the right thing for me, so thanks for taking the time to read this. I am just about to turn 26 and have been toying around with the concept that I am transsexual for quite a while.

At about the age of 10 I started to both identify with and fantisize about transsexuals and have had a long standing desire to become a woman, but at the same time I am both worried about how that will affect my life, or if I might just be making a huge error.

If anyone has any advice, I guess what I am wondering about is whether making a test trial(ie. trying hormones for a while will have any profound effect - especially an irreversible one) and also maybe what might be an ah-ha type moment for knowing whether it might be the thing that I have been missing.

Also, I guess to let you know a little about me, I am a retail mgr who works with 99% women and have had a long standing deliberation about this. The reason why I include my work info is that I wonder if the desire to be included has anything to do with it even though I fear that any change would actually be to my detriment rather then to my benefit with this organization. No one that I know knows anything about this desire as I have always kept this very much on the DL and bottling it up for so long has started to get on my nerves. While very drunk about a month ago I kinda lead onto it and basically broke down in front of my best friend, who I think might suspect something, but again I am afraid to talk to anyone about it.

Sooo....Any advice or questions to help me put my head on straight would be greatly appreciated.

[jemagirl (imported)]

Hi dryst911,

I kept my secrets for years, and I have recently discovered it's much easy to talk with some one about my feeling that to hide them. I don't know what resources you have in your area but I really suggest finding some one to hear you out. This place is also good for that.

Jema

[Transformer54 (imported)]

Hi dryst911, Yes like jemagirl has said you really need to contact someone close to home; ie: a "shrink" that deals in TS/TG issues. Keeping it bottled up inside is neither good or fair to you or anyone you choose to be around or with. I myself had done the same thing of keeping it inside, not a pretty picture. The sooner that you take the steps the better off you will feel. "A trail run I don't believe will accomplish anything. You'll be given a few psych tests and that would determine a baseline for the doctor, and a you should join a support group through your doctor. I went at this in 1993, pushed a little harder than I probably should have (I think that I turned out well) but I waited to long in life to finish with the reconstructive surgery. In other words, your young enough and have a full life time ahead; SO GO FOR IT HONEY!! Don't be afraid to ask!! I'm sure jema, and I and others here will gladly answer to best of ability anything you have. I'm also in the "Chat" room as Trans54

[mrt (imported)]

I've had to talk to a "shrink" about different issues (But also embaressing) and I was very surprised at how well it went and how relaxed the situation was. They of course are trained to help folks who need direction.

MOST important. Hormones are serious stuff. They can cause serious problems if your levels get mixed up and of course you won't see the changes you desire unless your balanced right. Do talk to a doctor about it and do it within the medical profession. Your good health is of primary importance.

Good luck!

[Hairless (imported)]

If you have a job that provides health insurance, they might pay for you to see a therapist to find out better where you stand. I saw 3 of them and they were all nice people. You need to find one that deals with the issues you are having. Here is a web address I found that might help you find someone in your area: http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm Don't try to do things on your own. Like MRT said, hormones are very powerful. You want to be sure of what you want before you go to far. You might find it's not right for you after you've developed breasts. Then you either have to live with it or have them surgically removed.

[tomsaltsman (imported)]

We talk nowadays as if non-hetero men who are preoccupied with the creation of feminine beauty are something new. Yet when I read about the custodian of the Babylonian king's harem, the eunuch Hegai in the 2nd chapter of Esther, I realize that non-heterosexual men who love to make women beautiful are at least as old as Iraqi civilization. So I sometimes wonder if many who feel they are women who are "trapped inside a man's body" may indeed be truly eunuchs who have not seperated their natural calling from their natural preoccupation.

Certainly, it is easier to for such eunuchs to concentrate on their own personal feminine beauty than to exercise the type of complete control over hundreds of women that the eunuch Hegai welded in the king's palace. Yet imagine! Because Esther followed this astute eunuch's accessory advice (Esther 2:15) on top of spending one year in cosmetic preparation by him, the king chose Esther above hundreds of other contestants! The eunuch Hegai really knew his stuff and should be the patron saint of all drag queens, transexuals, and anyone who specializes in the art of feminine beauty.

I'm certainly not a professional, but you asked for advice, dryst911, and I am only to happy to shoot my big mouth off and point out things I think don't get much press.

[jemagirl (imported)]

So I sometimes wonder if many who feel they are women who are "trapped inside a man's body" may indeed be truly eunuchs who have not seperated their natural calling from their natural preoccupation.

You raise some interesting ideas, but I feel my experience being transgender mtf, is very different from what I am hearing from folks who identify as eunuch. I think there are some overlaps here and there, and so we find ourselves in the same forum discussing common ground, but being a eunuch would not be any more of a good fit in my case than being male.

I also find I don't quite fit completely in the female role. For years and years I discounted my own feelings of being transgender because of the "woman trapped in a man's body" paradigm which was so prevalent when I grew up. I am very happy now that I see people are opening up to the reality of more than two genders.