Doggy Style

A happily married man, one night, asked his wife to have sex "doggy style."

"No!" she said, aghast.

Throughout their long relationship, he would periodically ask her to have sex "doggy style."

She always emphatically said "No!"

Finally, on the man's deathbed, he asked his wife why she refused his simple request to have sex on her hands and knees.

"Hands and knees?" she said, "I thought you meant in the front yard!"

A koala walks into a bar one night, slams his paw down on the table, and orders a drink. When he's done, slam goes his paw again for more. This goes on for about half an hour, and just when he was going to do it again, the barkeep told him if he was looking for a good time, there was some one in the back room who could help him, the koala decides why not and goes into the back room. There he meets a prostitute who is waiting for him. That night he has the best sex he has ever had. After the prostitute turns to the koala and says, "How about my money," the koala looked confused and the prostitute brought out a dictionary and it said.. .PROSTITUTE: Has sex for money.

So in response the koala turn to the definition for the koala and it says. KOALA: Eats bush and leaves.

Bad Dog!!

Bartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy with his head down who hasn't touched his drink for over a half an hour. He heads over to talk to him.

Bartender: "Hey pal, is something wrong?"

The Guy: "Yeah, I'm really depressed"

Bartender: "Why, what's the matter?"

The Guy: "I caught my wife in bed with my best friend"

Bartender: "Wow, that's horrible. What did you do?"

The Guy: "I kicked her out of the house, sent her packing, it's over"

Bartender: "That's pretty drastic, what did you do to your best friend?"

The Guy: "I sat him down, tied him up, looked him straight in the eye and said, Bad Dog! Bad Dog!!!!

The Bar

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50

Chicken Sandwich: $2.50

Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs ?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich

A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat.

The barman asks 'what can I get you?'

The man says 'I'll have a beer', the ostrich says 'I'll have a beer', the cat says 'I'll have a beer but I'm not paying'.

The bartender says 'That'll be £6.47'

The man puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out exactly the right amount of money

The next night they come in again.

The bartender asks 'what can I get you?'

The man says 'I'll have a beer', the ostrich says 'I'll have a beer', the cat says 'I'll have a beer but I'm not paying.'

The bartender says 'That'll be £6.47'

The man puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out exactly the right amount of money.

The third night they come in and the bartender asks 'What can I get you?'

The man says, again, 'I'll have a beer', the ostrich says 'I'll have a beer', the cat says 'I'll have a beer but I'm not paying'.

The bartender says 'That'll be £6.47'

The man puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out exactly the right amount of money.

This time the bartender says 'Tell me Sir, you come in every night, with the ostrich and the cat, you ask for the beers and you always pull out exactly the right amount of money, what's going on?'

The man says 'Well, it's a bit of a long story but a genie appeared to me and offered me three wishes...

The first wish was that I would never have to drink on my own.

The second wish was that I would always have exactly the right amount of money for the bar bill.

The third wish was for ...

A tall bird with a tight pussy!

For those of you in America, the punch line would be:

"The third wish was for ...

A tall chick with a tight pussy!"

Also, your would change the currency from £ to $

LOL. I like the Koala one. It and the dog one are the best.