But, don't blame me - I have A.A.A.D.D.

A.A.A.D.D.

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests itself:

I decided to wash my car. As I start towards the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I put my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the waste bin under the table and notice that the bin is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first. But, then I think since I will be close to the letterbox when I take out the rubbish, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my cheque book off the table and see that there is only one cheque left. The new book is in the desk in my study, so I go to the desk and find the can from which I had been drinking. I’m going to look for my cheques, but before that I need to move the can out of the way so that I do not knock it over.

I see that the drink is getting warm, so I decide I should put it into the fridge to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen I notice a pot of flowers which needs to be watered.

I put the can down on the counter and discover the reading glasses, for which I have been searching all morning.

So that I do not loose them again, I decide I ought to put them on my desk, but that the flowers had best be watered before that.

Putting the glasses back on the counter, I go to fill a watering can and spot the TV remote. Someone had left it on the kitchen table.

Realising that when we come to watch TV tonight, I will not remember where the remote is, I decide that I had better put it back into the den where it belongs, but only after I have watered the plants.

I splash some water onto the flowers, but most gets spilled onto the floor. So, I lay the remote down on the table beside them whilst I go to get some paper towels to wipe up the water.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn’t washed, the bills aren’t paid, there is a can of warm drink sitting on the counter, the flowers still need to be watered, there is still only one cheque in the book, I can’t fnd the remote or my glasses and I can’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I am really baffled because I know I’ve been busy all day and am really tired.

I know that this is a problem, I will get some help for it, but first I will just check my email.

Don’t laugh – if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!

Colin,

This sounds a lot like one of my days except that there is no way that I can ever either remember or even reconstruct all those details of how I got things so mixed up. Your post brings to mind Mark Twain's observation: "Have a place for everything and keep it somewhere else. This is not advice, it's custom."

And fatigue is an even greater problem for me. If I manage to get two or three things done right in one day I reward myself with a nap because I have learned that, at that stage, I can in 20 or 30 seconds create problems that will take me two or three days to solve.

For several years now I have been using the "call it" trick to locate my misplaced cellular (UK usage: mobile) telephone. I use another telephone to call the missing cell phone and then listen for its ring tone. Because of my severe high-frequency hearing loss this method works only when I am close to the ringing cell phone and its battery is well charged. Once I used this method by calling the missing phone six times (once from each end of each floor of the house) without hearing it at all. When my wife came home I told her what I had done. She went to the garage, called my phone, and heard it ringing in the front seat of my car.

Another time I called my phone three times and was frustrated by the fact that I heard it every time but no matter where I went or how I turned it was always the same distance and heading from me. Finally I realized that it must be moving with me so I stuck my hands into my trouser pockets, and guess what?

Ah, the rewards of "so long life."

When I visited Australia I bought a placard (Copyright Laughter Australia) whose contents I paraphrase and embellish below.

Benefits of Growing Older

1. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first because of the hostage-takers' fear of murder charges.

2. Charges of sexual harassment are unlikely to stick.

3. Kidnapers have little interest in you.

4. Your secrets are safe with your friends because their memories are no better than yours.

5. Your arthritis is a better weather forecaster than any meteorologist.

6. Your ears, nose and face are hairier than your head.

7. You can live without sex but not without hearing aids or eyeglasses.

8. Neither your hearing nor your eyesight allows you to be disturbed by the news.

9. Your brain cells are down to a manageable level.

10. No rational person can reasonably expect you to understand tax, liquor or copyright law.

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