During my mid to late teenage years I realized that I have femdom castration fantasies in which I'm forced to undergo surgical castration performed by a woman who then forces me to serve and worship her as her very own personal eunuch slave. I also have several fetishes that go along with these fantasies.

I had no idea where these femdom castration fantasies and fetishes came from or what they were all about, and I still really don't know today. There are things about them that I may never really know or understand about them.

I did know it was something most people would not consider to be normal, so I felt I couldn't talk about them, I had to keep it hidden inside. I thought I was the only one in the world who had these fantasies and fetishes, and if they weren't normal, that meant there was something wrong with me. The teenage and early adult years are difficult enough to deal with, but having something hwere you think you're the only one and that there's something wrong with you makes that time more difficult. Over the years I came to think of my femdom castration fantasies and fetishes as a burden, a cross I had to carry through life.

Then several years ago I found The Eunuch Archive. I don't know how I first found this place, but what I found first was the stories, then I found the Message Board. I didn't join for a long time, I just visited from time to time reading some of the stories and posts on the message board. Finally I joined.

Right away after first coming here I realized that I was not the only person who has femdom castration fantasies and fetishes. I realized that a lot of men have femdom castration fantasies. I even learned there are some women who have femdom castration fantasies where she herself castrates a man then forces him to serve and worship her as her very own personal eunuch slave.

Realizing that I was not the only one, that I was not alone, that femdom castration fantasies are fairly common was a very big help to me. And if femdom castration fantasies are fairly common, that means there isn't something wrong with me just because I have femdom castration fantasies and fetishes. That was a very big help to me as well.

Yes, most people would consider castration fantasies to be not normal, and there are aspects and fetishes with mine that seem different from most other's who have them. But knowing that femdom castration fantasies are fairly common, and that just my having femdom castration fantasies does not itself mean there's something wrong with me, that was very important to me and helped me a lot. I felt a burden lifted from me by knowing that.

Eunuch Archive also gave me some outlet to express my femdom castration fantasies and fetishes. I was here before as Hereunuch, and as Hereunuch I wrote a number of stories that are here in the Story Archive. I know I sometimes tend to get carried away with some of my posts and threads, I guess that's just part of the way I am.

Through my stories and through my posts and threads on the Message Board, I hope I have given back something of value in return, at least I have and continue trying to do that.

I also found here a community of people who care, and that's important when you have something that most people probably wouldn't understand like castration fantasies.

I just wanted to take a moment to share my story with you and to again say thanks.

While I don't share fantasies quite the same as your own, I can relate to what you're saying about this site. I've had penectomy fantasies and dreams since I was a boy. I don't really want to lose my penis, but the thrill of the thought of it has always been a real rush for me. I thought for many years that I must be crazy - What normal straight guy would even allow the thought of losing his penis cross his mind, let alone be aroused by it? After finding this place, I realized I wasn't alone, and I've learned that the interest in the subject has a pretty wide range, from the fantasy to the true desire. I figure, for every guy that actually posts here, there are probably hundreds, if not thousands, more that have the same thoughts.

First off, aren't computers and the internet a wonderous thing!!

For a great many years beginning when I was just past 24 years old, I begain thinking of what it would be like to be born without or even maybe be involved in an accident where the genitals would have to be removed.I'd heard of and read about these kinds of things happening to other men and how tramatizing it was for them, etc. As the years progressed, and all that life tends to throw up in one's face,I started out with a growing passion and a deep down wish that someday,I'd be placed into a situation where as I'd be given no choice but to loose the jewels and associated plumbing. I begain thinking that I was cracking up thinking things like that and that was tramatizing in itself for me. Of course, I could never inquire or communicate anything on this subject with the people I know of around me and that have known me all my life. All these years I've been in the dark about these things until I happened to run upon the Archives by accident one evening while web-surfing. I've read a great many of the stories and questions and answers on here and have found a wealth of valuable information that has helped me a great deal. I know I've asked some questions that seemed really ridiculous to some, but, have always gotten well thought out and good advice in response and appreciate and wouldn't trade it off for anything. This board, it's members and their stories and advice have helped give me the understanding that I'm not alone in my thoughts and feelings about castration and or nullification. Before finding this site, I only assumed it would only be possible through some tramatic type accident,cancer, or on those lines. Now I know that there are a great many men out there that also have the same thoughts and desires as I do and it has been great finding this out. I don't have any fantasies or kinky fetishes, etc, about this subject. My thoughts are of a real nature pure and simple. I've existed through some very bad experiences involving sex and to express it bluntly, It has totally turned me off. I've refrained from sex with anyone, including my present wife for over eight years now and have absolutely no desire for it in any way or form. I ran across all the information here on the board about castration, etc and decided that this was probably the way to go for me, so, I have engaged into chemical castration mow for about ten months and have had a wonderful time of it. I decided a few months back,when the effects started to really take effect, to have the Orchiectomy done as soon as I can this comming year. At this point in time, I would love to be able to have a full nullo done, but, it will have to wait a few more years. At this point in time, I only have use of the penis for urinal duties and I've had to set down to do that anyway, so, I feel it is a useless piece of anatomy that needs to go. I admit I do fantisize about being totally smooth down there in the crotch and how great it'd be, but, It's a fantasy that will come to be for me when I'm by myself and won't have to explain or answer to anyone else.

The Eunuch Archive has shown me and made me realize that this all can happen for me and that I don't have to feel insane to feel this way.