Dog's Questions
Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 8:13 pm
TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever,
smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is
it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar,
the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the Chrysler Beagle"?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human
hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beeper s, scent ID's,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have
to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I
must remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after
they throw it up.
2.. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just
because I like the way they smell.
3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box,
although they are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's
laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
Mom's driver's license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on
the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable
way of saying "hello".
11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under
the coffee table.
12.. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering
the house - not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
crotch when we have company.
16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and
he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
And, finally, my last question...
Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
Don
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever,
smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is
it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar,
the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the Chrysler Beagle"?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human
hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beeper s, scent ID's,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have
to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I
must remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after
they throw it up.
2.. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just
because I like the way they smell.
3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box,
although they are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's
laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
Mom's driver's license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on
the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable
way of saying "hello".
11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under
the coffee table.
12.. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering
the house - not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
crotch when we have company.
16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and
he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
And, finally, my last question...
Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
Don
