Castration as self punishment

[Kangan (imported)]

I have given castration much thought over the past 3 decades. My reason for wanting it is twofold: 1. I want to eliminate an abnormal sex drive (paraphilia), and 2. I want to punish myself for some past actions that I am not proud of.

I went to a psychologist once for aversion therapy. He shows you photos of the problem that you want to control. If you respond positively to the visual cue, you get a mild but distasteful electric shock (on the arm). The idea is to substitute an adverse reaction to something that you formerly found pleasant or stimulating. An example would be learning to quit smoking. In my case it was a sexual problem.

While having the aversion session, the doctor allowed me to control the shocking device, but when I began giving myself extra jolts, he had to take it away from me. So you see I do have the desire to punish myself.

As for aversion therapy, I am not sure that it was useful, but I did manage to control my abnormal desires for many years afterwards, until I had a minor relapse. That is when I tried banding, but the pain forced me to quit before permanent damage occurred.

I still feel the need for punishment, and I am growing tired of fighting the abnormal urges that still recur from time to time.

I have read many posts regarding castration or nullification because of a self hate for those body parts. In my case it is not the parts that I hate, it is the testosterone produced abnormal desire that I hate.

I think the psychologist is still in business after all these years, and although I am now located 500-miles away, I am tempted to go have another session with him for the purpose of getting a letter of recommendation for surgery. This might make it easier for me to find a local surgeon.

Your comments are welcome.

[tugon (imported)]

I can certainly relate to not being proud of many of my behaviors. As a former sex addict I am a much better person not under the influence of testosterone. From puberty to castration my life was not my own. It was controlled by a hormone that kept me out of control most of the time.

Instead of aversion therapy I am sure you are aware of chemical castration if you want to reduce those desires. You do not mention if you want to remain sexual without "abnormal desires" and a more controlled sex drive? As a surgical eunuch without HRT I can still function sexually with my partner but I have no desire for anyone else. It is nice to have a monogamous relationship when as a sexual addict I thought committing to one man would feel like a trap.

You recognize the problem in yourself and the need to do something about it. Also think about what you would like to become from the options you have. As far as self punishment only you know what you have done in your life but you need to seek forgiveness if possible and learn to forgive yourself. Many of my behaviors were from being a victim as a child and you may have had a traumatic event that put you on your path. I wish you the best.

[stevesd (imported)]

I had Thearpy in the early 80's at BYU Provo, Utah about me being gay, I was shocked on my testicles, and lower torso. I was shown pictures of sexual poses of men and sex pictures, when I got an errection I was shocked. The cure did not last more than 6 sessions and I disenrolled in the Mormon Church's University. I moved to Denver, and found sex with men pleasurable and found to msyelf it was okay to be a gay man and accepted myself and did away with my Church up bringing.

Stevesd

[SplitDik (imported)]

I had a friend, also Mormon, also gay who went to probably the same aversion therapy as you did steved ... he was shown gay porn then shocked on his penis if he was aroused. Each week he'd be graded on his "gayness level". It sounded very traumatic and stupid.

Anyway, back to you Kagan: I come from similar motivation as you -- way overactive sex drive that made me do dumb, dangerous, and irresponsible things. I too got into a cycle of self-retaliation against my genitals, coupled with a strong desire to be free of the testosterone fueled desired.

My cure, which I recommend you exploring, was to be treated with the SSRI anti-depressant Celexa. If you research SSRI medications, you'll find that a very common side-effect is reduction of libido. That happened for me, and my desires and self-damage have been now controlled for about five years! I'd definitely suggest exploring that route if you have not already. You can get such a prescription from a psychiatrist if you're being treated for paraphilia (sexual obsession) or depression.

[madscientist1 (imported)]

I have given castration much thought over the past 3 decades. My reason for wanting it is twofold: 1. I want to eliminate an abnormal sex drive (paraphilia), and 2. I want to punish myself for some past actions that I am not proud of.

I went to a psychologist once for aversion therapy. He shows you photos of the problem that you want to control. If you respond positively to the visual cue, you get a mild but distasteful electric shock (on the arm). The idea is to substitute an adverse reaction to something that you formerly found pleasant or stimulating. An example would be learning to quit smoking. In my case it was a sexual problem.

While having the aversion session, the doctor allowed me to control the shocking device, but when I began giving myself extra jolts, he had to take it away from me. So you see I do have the desire to punish myself.

As for aversion therapy, I am not sure that it was useful, but I did manage to control my abnormal desires for many years afterwards, until I had a minor relapse. That is when I tried banding, but the pain forced me to quit before permanent damage occurred.

I still feel the need for punishment, and I am growing tired of fighting the abnormal urges that still recur from time to time.

I have read many posts regarding castration or nullification because of a self hate for those body parts. In my case it is not the parts that I hate, it is the testosterone produced abnormal desire that I hate.

I think the psychologist is still in business after all these years, and although I am now located 500-miles away, I am tempted to go have another session with him for the purpose of getting a letter of recommendation for surgery. This might make it easier for me to find a local surgeon.

Your comments are welcome.

You should try Depo-Provera. It worked for me.

[Kangan (imported)]

Thanks for all the advice and comments!

As for trying an anti-depressant, I don't feel depressed. It seems sort of counter productive to try a drug just because one of the side effects is a reduced libido. I looked into DepoProvera but there are some potentially nasty side effects.

I've already made the determination the the drug route is not for me. At my advanced age, I'd rather just be free of my balls and the testosterone that goes with them. I've got an enlarged prostate gland and castration would take care of that too.

Aversion therapy is now out of favor with the psychiatric community. I agree that it doesn't work long term. At the time, I was desperate for help and willing to try most anything. As for homosexuality - you cannot "cure" someone of it since it is not a disease.

Self forgiveness - I understand about that. Right now I'm more concerned about a peaceful existance without testosterone induced urges than trying to atone for mistakes made in the distant past.

As for self punishment, I do worry about the folks who are into genital mutilation and BDSM stuff. They are heading down a dangerous path to self destruction. There seems to be a potential element of self punishment present among some in the TG world also.

With so many variations among the users of this board as to the reasons for castration, I have been trying to bring up various psychological aspects of castration deliberately as a way to explore my own feelings about it and to evoke a response from others. I do wish we had a resident psychologist on here to give us real input and insight from a professional and unbiased viewpoint. (No Dr. Phil's please!)

By the way, we do need more posts on this board. What do you think?

[kristoff]

With so many variations among the users of this board as to the reasons for castration, I have been trying to bring up various psychological aspects of castration deliberately as a way to explore my own feelings about it and to evoke a response from others. I do wish we had a resident psychologist on here to give us real input and insight from a professional and unbiased viewpoint. (No Dr. Phil's please!)

your approach in exploring issues of relevance to yourself (and others as well) is quite appropriate and effective I think. Please keep it up (you know what I mean).

As for psychologists, there are several of us here, some who admit it, some who don't. I am recovering from the field, no longer practicing. I suspect opinions from such folks are no more valid or insightful here than any other member who has thoroughly studied the subject and thought about it. There are several here who are very well informed and insightful and who do post. One just has to pick the wheat from the chaff. As well, extensive searching in back posts often reveals many gems worthy of polishing.

[Kangan (imported)]

Thank you for the positive comments. I'll keep it up (pun) as long as I can!

I agree that sorting the wheat from the chaff (I hate cliches) is a concern on here. I'm strictly a realist when it comes to technical things, although I do have a fantasy life also. You can expect some more posts soon. I've been doing quite a bit of research on castration methods at my local farm supply store.

[bryan (imported)]

Kangan,

One of my main motivations for castration was Jesus' words, "If something causes you to sin, cut it off" (Matt 5:29-30). The context of the passage is adultery, so there's no mistaking what part of the body he was talking about.

Is castration in such situations self-punishment? It may seem like it to the outsider. However, Jesus was offering a solution, a way out of an overwhelming situation.

I liken it to driving: If one is a bad driver, at risk of causing serious accidents, then giving up the keys isn't self-punishment. It is simply wisdom in action.

Terri

P.S. -- Hope my post is wheat, not chaff.

Hope this couplet brings a laugh.

[plix (imported)]

Kangan,

One of my main motivations for castration was Jesus' words, "If something causes you to sin, cut it off" (Matt 5:29-30). The context of the passage is adultery, so there's no mistaking what part of the body he was talking about.

Is castration in such situations self-punishment? It may seem like it to the outsider. However, Jesus was offering a solution, a way out of an overwhelming situation.

I liken it to driving: If one is a bad driver, at risk of causing serious accidents, then giving up the keys isn't self-punishment. It is simply wisdom in action.

Terri

P.S. -- Hope my post is wheat, not chaff.

Hope this couplet brings a laugh.

Let's not forget that Jesus also said his words are spirit, meaning they have a meaning other than literal.