I'm just trying to understand. What might have caused my femdom castration fantasies?
Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 6:17 pm
I'm asking for thought, views, and insights. I hope what I say in this post doesn't upset or disturb or anger anyone, I don't want to do that. I'm trying to understand my femdom castration fantasies and fetishes, that's why I came to Eunuch Archive, to get some insights and to hopefully understand.
I started an earlier thread about what causes castration fantasies, but I really don't identify with most of the experiences others have shared as to what caused their castration fantasies.
I would really like to understand myself and what makes me the way I am. I think it would help me to deal with and come to terms, maybe even make peace with myself. The thing I really feel I need to do that with is my femdom castration fantasies and the fetishes that are a part of them. So here is my experience with this.
I have always had "feelings" and "tendencies" and they seeme to have come naturally from within me, they weren't something I was taught or told. I first became consciously aware of my castration fantasies and femdom fetishes sometime during puberty.
To make a long story short, my childhood and upbringing was completely normal, traditional, conventional, typical, average. There is nothing there that I can find that would cause my fantasies and fetishes.
My religious upbringing was Christian and I am still a Christian and I assume always will be, that's very important to me. Everything about my religious upbringing was very conventional, traditional, normal. But even as a small child down inside myself I always wanted to think of God as being female, as being Goddess.
Why? I have no idea why. But that's just what I was always comfortable with, in fact I am often uncomfortable viewing or thinking of God as male. I didn't talk about those feelings because even as a child I knew they were different and I knew that different or too different wasn't accepted a lot of times. Obviously, viewing God as only being female does effect and make different my view of some things in Christian theology and thinking.
I have always felt a special reverence toward women, girls, females. I guess because of viewing God as female. Growing up, I was taught to respect women and girls, but it wasn't drilled and drilled into me, it was given a normal amount of emphasis. I was of course taught to respect everyone.
But during puberty my fantasies and fetishes appeared and they developed during my adolesence, through my teenage years. It was also about this time that I began feeling uncomfortable having my arms bare or exposed and began wanting to always have my arms covered in long sleeves. I stopped wearing short sleeve shirts and began only wearing long sleeve shirts always with my sleeves down and my arms covered in long sleeves.
In my fantasies and my fetishes I see very much elements of dominance/submission, female domination/male submission, female superiority and supremace/male inferiority, elements like that.
There is something to me about a woman when she is wearing a long sleeve shirt and she has her sleeves rolled up above her elbows that somehow makes her seem more powerful, dominant, omnipotent, and Goddess-like. I feel more submissive toward a woman when she is wearing a long sleeve shirt and she has her sleeves rolled up above her elbows. I don't know what it is about that or why I feel that way about it, but I do. By the way, neither my mother or other significant women in my life when I was growing up routinely dressed that way, so I don't know where this came from.
To me, a male is a male. It is an integral part of who and what he is. A man's manhood his male being is an integral part of who and what he is, as if he is his manhood and male being.
A female is a female. It is an integral part of who and what she is. A woman's womanhood her female being is an integral part of who and what she is, as if she is her womanhood and female being.
To me, castration is the destruction and control over of the male being, the manhood, of the very essence and being of any male that is castrated whether the male being castrated is a man or a male animal. Castration performed by a woman is the complete destruction and control of the male being, the manhood, the very essence and being of the male she is castrating, and it doesn't matter if the male she is castrating is a man or a male animal. My castration performed by a woman would be the destruction and control of my male being of my manhood or my very essence and being by the woman performing the castration on me, the destruction and control of me and of my very essence and being by the woman castrating me. I have no idea why I have these feelings or where they came from or what caused them.
In my fantasies, as she performs the castration on me the woman who is performing the castration on me becomes God, and I worship her as The Goddess as she cuts my nuts out, worship of her that continues forever after the operation. After she castrates me she keeps me as her personal eunuch pet to personally serve her and worship her forever as Goddess.
It maybe should be noted that I have never had a wife or girlfriend. I have never engaged in any sexual contact with another person at all. I have never engaged in any kind of mock castration play with a woman or with women.
I have never allowed myself to have an intimate or sexual type relationship with a woman. I never allowed myself to get into a relationship with a woman is because I know I have these fantasies and fetishes, and that at some point in the relationship it would have to come up, and I didn't know how to bring it up or deal with that. I didn't think I could ever find a woman who could accept me having these fantasies and fetishes. So I never allowed a relationship to get started. Yes I have denied myself any such relationship and yes there are times it has made me feel lonely and alone. Yes it has made me feel like I was "different" and like I was some kind of "freak", and before I first came to Eunuch Archive I thought I was the only person in the world with castration fantasies. Just knowing there are others with castration fantasies has been a help to me.
I came here the first time as Hereunuch, and I came here hoping to understand, to understand what caused me to have these fantasies and fetishes and to understand what it is I'm really searching for through them. I think that when someone has fantasies and fetishes there is very often something they are searching for through those fantasies and fetishes.
As Hereunuch, I wrote quite a number of stories that are in The Story Archive. I don't know how good any of them are, but they are my femdom castration fantasies in detail.
I came here looking for answers, wanting to understand. I'm trying to understand what caused my femdom castration fantasies and fetishes and why I have them and also what it is I'm really searching for through them. And maybe nothing at all caused them, maybe I have these fantasies and fetishes simply because that's the way I am and that's that.
I asked for insights from men, other men who have femdom castration fantasies. I also wanted insights from women here especially women who are interested in the castration of a man, women who have fantasies where she herself castrates a man then keeps him to serve and worship her as her personal eunuch pet. I thought women, especially women with femdom castration fantasies, but I thought women would have insights into castration fantasies and fetishes that men don't have and that those insights would be helpful as well.
I would appreciate any thoughts, views, and insights anyone here might offer. Thank you.
I started an earlier thread about what causes castration fantasies, but I really don't identify with most of the experiences others have shared as to what caused their castration fantasies.
I would really like to understand myself and what makes me the way I am. I think it would help me to deal with and come to terms, maybe even make peace with myself. The thing I really feel I need to do that with is my femdom castration fantasies and the fetishes that are a part of them. So here is my experience with this.
I have always had "feelings" and "tendencies" and they seeme to have come naturally from within me, they weren't something I was taught or told. I first became consciously aware of my castration fantasies and femdom fetishes sometime during puberty.
To make a long story short, my childhood and upbringing was completely normal, traditional, conventional, typical, average. There is nothing there that I can find that would cause my fantasies and fetishes.
My religious upbringing was Christian and I am still a Christian and I assume always will be, that's very important to me. Everything about my religious upbringing was very conventional, traditional, normal. But even as a small child down inside myself I always wanted to think of God as being female, as being Goddess.
Why? I have no idea why. But that's just what I was always comfortable with, in fact I am often uncomfortable viewing or thinking of God as male. I didn't talk about those feelings because even as a child I knew they were different and I knew that different or too different wasn't accepted a lot of times. Obviously, viewing God as only being female does effect and make different my view of some things in Christian theology and thinking.
I have always felt a special reverence toward women, girls, females. I guess because of viewing God as female. Growing up, I was taught to respect women and girls, but it wasn't drilled and drilled into me, it was given a normal amount of emphasis. I was of course taught to respect everyone.
But during puberty my fantasies and fetishes appeared and they developed during my adolesence, through my teenage years. It was also about this time that I began feeling uncomfortable having my arms bare or exposed and began wanting to always have my arms covered in long sleeves. I stopped wearing short sleeve shirts and began only wearing long sleeve shirts always with my sleeves down and my arms covered in long sleeves.
In my fantasies and my fetishes I see very much elements of dominance/submission, female domination/male submission, female superiority and supremace/male inferiority, elements like that.
There is something to me about a woman when she is wearing a long sleeve shirt and she has her sleeves rolled up above her elbows that somehow makes her seem more powerful, dominant, omnipotent, and Goddess-like. I feel more submissive toward a woman when she is wearing a long sleeve shirt and she has her sleeves rolled up above her elbows. I don't know what it is about that or why I feel that way about it, but I do. By the way, neither my mother or other significant women in my life when I was growing up routinely dressed that way, so I don't know where this came from.
To me, a male is a male. It is an integral part of who and what he is. A man's manhood his male being is an integral part of who and what he is, as if he is his manhood and male being.
A female is a female. It is an integral part of who and what she is. A woman's womanhood her female being is an integral part of who and what she is, as if she is her womanhood and female being.
To me, castration is the destruction and control over of the male being, the manhood, of the very essence and being of any male that is castrated whether the male being castrated is a man or a male animal. Castration performed by a woman is the complete destruction and control of the male being, the manhood, the very essence and being of the male she is castrating, and it doesn't matter if the male she is castrating is a man or a male animal. My castration performed by a woman would be the destruction and control of my male being of my manhood or my very essence and being by the woman performing the castration on me, the destruction and control of me and of my very essence and being by the woman castrating me. I have no idea why I have these feelings or where they came from or what caused them.
In my fantasies, as she performs the castration on me the woman who is performing the castration on me becomes God, and I worship her as The Goddess as she cuts my nuts out, worship of her that continues forever after the operation. After she castrates me she keeps me as her personal eunuch pet to personally serve her and worship her forever as Goddess.
It maybe should be noted that I have never had a wife or girlfriend. I have never engaged in any sexual contact with another person at all. I have never engaged in any kind of mock castration play with a woman or with women.
I have never allowed myself to have an intimate or sexual type relationship with a woman. I never allowed myself to get into a relationship with a woman is because I know I have these fantasies and fetishes, and that at some point in the relationship it would have to come up, and I didn't know how to bring it up or deal with that. I didn't think I could ever find a woman who could accept me having these fantasies and fetishes. So I never allowed a relationship to get started. Yes I have denied myself any such relationship and yes there are times it has made me feel lonely and alone. Yes it has made me feel like I was "different" and like I was some kind of "freak", and before I first came to Eunuch Archive I thought I was the only person in the world with castration fantasies. Just knowing there are others with castration fantasies has been a help to me.
I came here the first time as Hereunuch, and I came here hoping to understand, to understand what caused me to have these fantasies and fetishes and to understand what it is I'm really searching for through them. I think that when someone has fantasies and fetishes there is very often something they are searching for through those fantasies and fetishes.
As Hereunuch, I wrote quite a number of stories that are in The Story Archive. I don't know how good any of them are, but they are my femdom castration fantasies in detail.
I came here looking for answers, wanting to understand. I'm trying to understand what caused my femdom castration fantasies and fetishes and why I have them and also what it is I'm really searching for through them. And maybe nothing at all caused them, maybe I have these fantasies and fetishes simply because that's the way I am and that's that.
I asked for insights from men, other men who have femdom castration fantasies. I also wanted insights from women here especially women who are interested in the castration of a man, women who have fantasies where she herself castrates a man then keeps him to serve and worship her as her personal eunuch pet. I thought women, especially women with femdom castration fantasies, but I thought women would have insights into castration fantasies and fetishes that men don't have and that those insights would be helpful as well.
I would appreciate any thoughts, views, and insights anyone here might offer. Thank you.
