(again, it seems the only way I can post a long story is to create a new thread? I tried on my other thread, but I got 'frozen' again...)

So, to answer to Tugon on his kind and caring warnings, but also to give you all a story that for me started in my teens, watching a peculiar movie, here, piece by piece, I give you...

(part 1) :

<< ... You and your safety deserve a surgeon. Do not risk your life. >> - yeah, I figured that much already (at this point

When I was a teenager (I had all those girls/boys wanting me so bad it drove me to the brinks of insanity -being too handsome in this world can really be a curse) I went to see an 'art'-type movie which depicted the story of a couple with kids and their struggle with the repetitive unfaithfulness of mister husband. He couldn't resist the least little temptation, nor refuse any offer to feed his big stringcheese to others kittens out there in town...

His wife ended up finding out about his multiple mistresses, and decided to confront him... Dozen times he promised, promised, promised, again and over again that he would stop... but obviously, his demons were stronger than his good will. Toward the end of the movie, his guilt culminates, and to prove to his wife that he really means to stop it all...

(please see next post...)

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The scene shows him seating at a kitchen table, alone in that room, slicing a baguette for breakfast... He stops... looks intensely at the knife he's holding in his right hand... starts touching himself with his left hand, evidently to get a hard on... get it out... pour his near-boiling hot coffee on his erected penis... and he cuts it.

The pain is of course unbareable, and his raging screams wake up his wife and their youngest child who come rushing in, witnessing with horror what just took place in their kitchen... penis for breakfast!

Of course, it's a movie and they staged it very 'hyper-drama', but I don't think anyone would ever practice self-penectomy during an erection, that would be 'hyper-stupid'. However, that scene marked me forever...

First, and during many years after that, I tought it was extremely gross, gore and shocking... but I couldn't help but thinking that there was a reason why I saw this movie at the time... It was called 'La Derniere Femme' if I remember well, in english it would be 'The Last Woman'... I even think the role of the guy was played by JC Depardieu in one of his first amateur tentatives as an 'acteur debutant' (but I'm not 100% sure -I wouldn't cut my penis on it! )

(Please see next post...)

As a teenager, I was, like many discovering the wonders of a perfect body, completely becoming the slave of an addiction to orgasms (as well as some other 'drugs' by the way), and I was in a franzy of masturbation that I didn't seem to be able to stop. It was several times a day, every occasion I could.

The rare times when I stopped doing it for more than a few days, I interestingly realized that I always felt better, more at peace, more 'myself', more outgoing with others, kinder, more sociable... but when I was in the craze of it, my relationships with others wasn't very good at all... I was rather crabby-grumpy, and I didn't seem to get along too well with anyone...

It also felt like some good and positive part of me was leaving me everytime. And it was part of me again when I kept myself from indulging, when I restrained, when I 'abstained'... some kind of 'natural happiness' was coming over me...

(please see next post...)

I know, I know what you might think... but at that time, I was far from thinking it might have been God... and still today, I'm rather inclined to think that it might just have been chemical, like a brain-reaction type effect of some kind...

And it wasn't a question of 'guilt or no guilt', cause at that time, I really had little or zero notion of that concept (since I suffered as a kid, I always considered that society owed me big time, so I had absolutely no shame in doing whatever I wanted...)

In later years, I became more aware of my ways, and big changes happened quickly, almost over night, like by themselves, when I started to read the Bible and pray about it, eagerly asking God major questions that He seemed to answer inside me, and confirming in the Scriptures I was now devouring...

I think that this abominable scene I saw in that movie, was something I was supposed to witness and remember (symbolically, of course) for the day I would need to consider castration for myself, as the ultimate solution to my problem of addiction to orgasm that started so many years ago...

(please see next post...)

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Meanwhile I got married, have a wonderful son, and now that I just passed the threshold of the weird middle-age 40ties, I feel that I am now ready to accomplish what even the Christ says is right to do for whomever wants to find peace in the matter of indomitable fleshy dependencies and addictions.

So, God Bless you all !!!

(but you know, it's always kinda vain to say that, cause He won't do it unless you ask perso with eager insistence -in a way that He can see you really mean it... He likes authenticity, and He can't be played with... He's not your common 'homie' nor your everyday 'dude'... I'd say, He has a major case of 'self-awareness syndrome', but which for an heavenly father is actually a good thing! Otherwise how would we learn our place in this world if it wasn't by starting to show some respect to the One who gave us all an existence and the power to live?.. Some of you know very well what I mean, I'm sure of that! This degenerated fallen mankind, our miserable and confused sense of ethics, our conflicts of interests, lies, pretenses and deep loneliness, prove to us everyday that something is definitely going wrong... However, even though our multiple generations messed up this world pretty bad despite our bests intentions and cares, there is an 'exit' door from the matrix... it shows like those lighted signs with green letters in the darkness of theaters... and it has the shape of a Gospel... the shape of good news!)

Never been at a really bad or boring flick, and suddenly it feels like those 4 little green letters shining in the dark are calling you, saying: "You can come thru my door right now if you want to!" ...

Yeah... I think this simple little metaphore gives a pretty clear message of the single best thing we could ever do in our lifetime!



Alf.

(Gosh, I can't stop writing!...

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