Hi

I am 61 and married. My wife lost her libido/sex drive/desire many years ago. I love her and besides the no sex thing everything is wonderful with us. That is until we retired and got an RV to travel in. I find that living that close to her I get horny for her and want her sexually. She of course gets mad and the trip is, if not ruined at least harmed and there is tension between us. I wouldn’t travel for a couple of years because of this. She missed it and I missed it but not the tension.

On say a 3 or 4 week trip could I inject myself with Depo Provera before we leave and then every week or two and stop after the trip? Would this decrease my sex drive/desire?

How quick does it start to work? What kind of dose to maintain a low to no desire? I am impotent now due to age and being on Proscar for my prostate. I just don’t want to resent her for her no touching policy and enjoy the trip.

When we are home she has her own bedroom and there is enough distance to enjoy life with out sex but in a camper, that close I just want her like when we were kids. I love her and there is no way I would leave her or dishonor her by cheating even if I could.

Thanks for any help.



Chris

Hi

chrisandjudy (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 19, 2006 12:42 am I am 61 and married. My wife lost her libido/sex drive/desire many years ago. I love her and besides the no sex thing everything is wonderful with us. That is until we retired and got an RV to travel in. I find that living that close to her I get horny for her and want her sexually. She of course gets mad and the trip is, if not ruined at least harmed and there is tension between us. I wouldn’t travel for a couple of years because of this. She missed it and I missed it but not the tension.

On say a 3 or 4 week trip could I inject myself with Depo Provera before we leave and then every week or two and stop after the trip? Would this decrease my sex drive/desire?

How quick does it start to work? What kind of dose to maintain a low to no desire? I am impotent now due to age and being on Proscar for my prostate. I just don’t want to resent her for her no touching policy and enjoy the trip.

When we are home she has her own bedroom and there is enough distance to enjoy life with out sex but in a camper, that close I just want her like when we were kids. I love her and there is no way I would leave her or dishonor her by cheating even if I could.

Thanks for any help.

Chris

Chris,

Seek counselling for the both of you. If she will not go, then you go alone. Find a Family Therapist preferrably connected with a teaching medical facility that practices multi-disciplinary medical practice.

At least one and probably both of you have significant psychological issues, if not serious medical issues. She could have tumors in her body that are causing her to lack a sex drive, and they could be serious. Whatever the case, your relationship is dysfunctional despite how you attempt to paint it. Do not screw yourself up with hormones and take them without medical supervision for the reasons that you state.

A-1

Chris,

It does sound like A-1 is right on the money. Even without hormones, if you love someone you will enjoy their touch and being close to them. So, from what you've written I'm not sure taking Depo-Provera will alter much (except you may find yourself more prone to occasional and sudden mood swings/tiredness and other undesirables (which I'm sure won't help matters!)

What I'm a little confused by is that you say "

chrisandjudy (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 19, 2006 12:42 am I find that living that close to her I get horny for her and want her sexually.

", then further down... "

chrisandjudy (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 19, 2006 12:42 am I am impotent now due to age and being on Proscar for my prostate.

"

There are some very effective medications if it is simply the 'performing' that is a problem, but it sounds like there is much more going on, on a personal level. So I think counselling and therapy is the way to go. And whatever you decide, it's probably quite important to let your other half know how you feel, before doing anything sudden (especially undergoing chemical castration!).

Hope all goes well!

~Rog

Chris,

Both A-1 and thefraj have excellent advice for you. A large number of people show up on the Eunuch Archive seeking advice about how best to be castrated - for a wide variety of reasons. The good and knowledgable people here provide a reality check to their desires and give excellent lay advice. Most go away happy and satisfied - and still intact - having discovered that castration is neither what they need nor what they want.

In every case, people are well advised to do the minimum necessary to achieve the goals they desire. You are not the first person to arrive here in your 60s or 70s, happily married to the same woman for 30 or more years, now suffering from a great incompatibility in libido brought on by the wife's health.

The first, and most important advice, must be for both you and your wife to be thoroughly checked out by a health professional, an M.D. The doctor needs to know about the mis-matched libidos and the problems that it is causing in your relationship.

Should the doctor be unable to help, the second step would be counselling. The largest sex organ on the human body is the skin, the most important is the one between the ears. A good counselor may well be able to work with you so that you can find ways to share satisfying activities. In most cases, this would be sufficient and you would both be happy with the results.

Only after the two of you, together, have tried both of these steps, and they have failed, should you approach your doctor to take the drastic third step - requesting a temporary chemical solution to reduce your libido to better match hers. At your age, any of the chemical castration drugs can have serious side effects (though no more so than surgical castration, which would be permanent).

If, and ONLY IF, both you and your wife are pleased with the results and if, and only if, the side effects of the chemical castration are ones that you can live with for the rest of your life, should you even contemplate surgical castration for a permanent solution.

There are members of the Archive who have gone through all of these steps. I have talked with two of them and with their wives. Both couples are very happy with the results. In both cases, their eventual surgical castration was fully covered by their health insurance, performed in good hospitals, and by thoroughly qualified surgeons.

Most, who have arrived with the same problem and questions as you have, have found their solutions at an earlier stage in the process.

Don't rush. Take each step carefully and deliberately. You and your wife have shared a long and happy relationship that needs to be maintained, and enhanced if possible. At 61, you probably have many years ahead of you to enjoy. If the full process to explore your options takes a year or more, it's only a short piece of the much longer relationship.

It's extremely unlikely that you'll ever need to get beyond step two.

Hi

chrisandjudy (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 19, 2006 12:42 am I am 61 and married. My wife lost her libido/sex drive/desire many years ago. .......

When we are home she has her own bedroom and there is enough distance to enjoy life with out sex but in a camper, that close I just want her like when we were kids. I love her and there is no way I would leave her or dishonor her by cheating even if I could.

Thanks for any help.

Chris

Your first mistake was going to separate bedrooms. You should have continued sleeping together nude (while cuddling each other) in the same bed. You would then have adjusted to getting some satisfaction satisfaction from the body contact. The frustration from the lack of sex would have been intense at first but it would have lessened (but not gone away) over time.

Thank you, Thank you everybody. Of course we have been to the doctor. He says she is fine but has a low libido. Her blood work was fine He said she could try low dose Testrostone. She says she is fine the way she is and does not want to change. Tried the T for a few months but no change.

She does not want me to touch her below the waist or on her chest. Does not like that and it makes her mad, also does not like to talk about it, known as "The Talk".

We went to counselling together and after 3 months I was asked if I could not have sex would I divorse her. I told the truth and said no but I won't like it. The doctor said well it is my problem and I have to find a way to deal with it.

So, Yes we have been to the doctors, yes we have been to counselling. She will not let me touch her and says she can't sleep with someone in the same bed. No it was not always that way, she changed but will not admit that.

As you know you can not change anyone but yourself. I want to kill my libido for a 3 or 4 week camping trip. I don't have a castration fanicy or desire to cut them off. I just want three weeks without sexual thoughts everytime we brush against each other in the camper.

I said I am impodent and I am fine with being that way unless she want to have some kind of sexual contact then I would want the viagra or what ever to over come the impotance.

Sorry for the spelling.

Chris

chrisandjudy (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 19, 2006 5:00 pm Thank you, Thank you everybody. Of course we have been to the doctor. He says she is fine but has a low libido. Her blood work was fine He said she could try low dose Testrostone. She says she is fine the way she is and does not want to change. Tried the T for a few months but no change.

She does not want me to touch her below the waist or on her chest. Does not like that and it makes her mad, also does not like to talk about it, known as "The Talk".

We went to counselling together and after 3 months I was asked if I could not have sex would I divorse her. I told the truth and said no but I won't like it. The doctor said well it is my problem and I have to find a way to deal with it.

So, Yes we have been to the doctors, yes we have been to counselling. She will not let me touch her and says she can't sleep with someone in the same bed. No it was not always that way, she changed but will not admit that.

As you know you can not change anyone but yourself. I want to kill my libido for a 3 or 4 week camping trip. I don't have a castration fanicy or desire to cut them off. I just want three weeks without sexual thoughts everytime we brush against each other in the camper.

I said I am impodent and I am fine with being that way unless she want to have some kind of sexual contact then I would want the viagra or what ever to over come the impotance.

Sorry for the spelling.

Chris

Chris, you have had trouble not getting enough sex throughout your entire relationship, haven't you?

Now that she has cut you off completely, you should not be too surprised.

Chris, I am going to be BRUTALLY honest with you. Either your wife has some deep-seated emotional problems about sex or nobody ever taught you how to go about giving her a decent orgasm.

It is surely one or the other.

A-1

A1

Thank you for being BRUTALLY honest with me. However I have to point out a thing or two you may have over looked.

I will answer the second part of your post first;

"

A-1 (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 20, 2006 9:33 pm or nobody ever taught you how to go about giving her a decent orgasm

"

I am going to say I consider myself caring lover and considerate of her feeling and pleasure. But I am also aware that we all think of ourselves that way, same as we all believe we are all better than average drivers. However we all can’t be but lets look at some facts.

I submit to you that a man who stays with the same woman all these years and the last 15 plus years without sexual intercourse and with out cheating on her is deeply in love with that woman or in love with taking care of her. Either way that is not the kind of man who would be uncaring for his partner and her pleasure sexually.

And the first part;

"

A-1 (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 20, 2006 9:33 pm Either your wife has some deep-seated emotional problems about sex

…"

Perhaps you are right, or perhaps she is asexual and only was a participant in the early days of our marriage out of “duty”. But no matter what, as I said in my second post you can not change another person (who doesn’t want to change and resists it) You can only change yourself. That is why I came to the Chemical Castration Board and asked about me. I didn’t go to some “How do I save this marriage” board or “How to change your partner” board. I think you answered the question no one asked. But thank you for your time and thoughts.

Chris

Hi Chris

I feel I am able to give you a qualifed reply, as my circumstances were identical to yours, and only someone who has experieced what you are going through can understand your trauma. The times we were sleeping together was so frustrating. I would lay awake hoping that she would wake up and and have a play with me, which very rarely happend. Things got so bad I was arranging to be surgically castrated when my wife insisted that I try chemical castration.

I have been on Androcur for three months now and the changes have been tremendous. We can now cuddle for ages without me wanting sex, though I still like her to hold my limp penis and none functioning balls. This she does quite readily, proberbly Knowing it is not going to lead to anything else. I will keep on the Androcur for a few more months and then I will have to decide whether to be castrated, or go back to way things were ( Which I even hate to think about ) Well I hope my little imput helps you cope in the future

Allen

Thank you Allen for you thoughtful reply. I am looking for the same thing on the up comming vaction and in the back of my mind was how it was going to feel without the stess of sex on my mind. After the vaction we can begin thinking about the decision you are facing now.

Thanks for the input.

Chris