greetings. i am a 34 year old guy interested in castration as a means to lessen desire in my life (most notably sexual desire, but all other manifestations as well)... which i suppose is called the "eunuch calm". but i am concerned about the post-op depression that i have read about, as i have struggled with clinical depression for 10 years or so.

depression has many different forms, feelings, and causes. my depression is fairly independent of my internal or external life situation: it doesnt matter if things seem okay to me inside my head or if things seem to be going terribly, nor does it matter if i am in happy or sad situations with work, people, etc. my depression seems to only depend on my serotonin level, which forces me to take an antidepressant. its like diabetes, in that if i take the medicine i am totally normal, but if i dont i am super messed up.

so, clearly my depression has a very strong chemical component, which gets me worried about how testosterone will factor in. i understand the basic correlation between low testosterone and depression and thus the risk of depression after castration.

but could you kind people please share with me any comments on depression (or lack of) post-castration? specific details would be great, such as the forms, feelings, and causes of depression in your life. and if there are any people out there that were suffering from clinical depression pre-castration, i would be interested in how your post-op depression is.

here are more specifics on my depression, just to make my depression´s particular aspects clear... when i am taking my medication (first paxil, then zoloft, now celexa-lexapro), i am simply normal: neither depressed nor euphoric. just normal. i can be depressed if the situation merits it (death, disappointment, etc), but usually i am just on an even keel and feeling fairly happy. however, when i am not on medication (it stops working or i decide i can live without it) i very quickly become incredibly depressed. all things take on a joyless quality, and that precipitates the logical thought of suicide (which i dont really think i could act on, for various reasons). so, thats it: joylessness. everything is a chore and nothing is fun. even normally super-fun things. thus, there is no motivation in my life, but i cant say that it really lends me any additional calm.

well, so, i would also love to hear about aspects of ¨lack of ambition, desire, motivation¨ that can happen after surgery. to some extent these qualities sound appealing, but if they are too extreme that would seem very similar to depression. so, to what extent do you think that post-op depression is simply an unfortunate exaggeration of the eunuch calm?

thanks!

jmp

ps. i have tried long courses of androcur, which was interesting, but didnt really address any of these issues because i think i was taking too low of a dose for it to really simulate surgery.

Welcome! I will share my experience with depression both pre and post operative. As an intact male I suffered from depression. My depression was a combination of clinical depression, such as you described, and depression from events in my life. I also took different anti depressants but never liked the effects. I always felt they kept my emotions in a narrow range of feelings. I could not be appropriately sad or very happy once I reached theraputic levels so for me I was better off without the mecications. I will say my depression does not sound like it was as severe as yours. Of course all this was when I still had my testicles. I have mentioned in other posts that I was struggling with my identity and had a sense of wrongness about myself that was a major contributor to my depression. This knowledge came from hindsight after my castration.

After my surgery there was a period of adaption. I knew my role at least in my own mind had changed and I had to discover how I fit into the world as I am now. I always remember not feeling male but never with any desire to be female. So as I now know I entered the normal gender for me as eunuch. There are other changes going on at the same time that everyone seems to agree upon such as hot flashes, reduction in drive, loss of body hair and others. To get to your question I was not depressed the way some have been due to the fact that I think I felt normal for the first time in my life. I think the most difficult emotion was lonliness because I was going through this alone. For me it was kind of a wild ride. Waiting to see what might change next. The reduction in sex drive was replaced by the need for true affection. It seems like everything that was lost for me was replaced by something better. So instead of depression I was feeling happier.

Keep in mind I did not only do it for a reduction in sex drive but because I was not comfortable as a man. I also spent many years thinking about this and then many years finding someone who would perform the surgery. This was not a quick fix that I thought hey lets do it. Please read phillip1 postings on becoming a eunuch. He has struggled with depression. I find myself incredibly lucky that not only did the procedure by a non medical person went well but the life change is exactly what I needed. I hope you have a friend or two that you can confide in if you decide this is right for you. There are also many of us that post and can give support.

My run in with deperssion was caused by low testosterone. Oct 03 till May 04 life really sucked. Work factors, family factors, everything was comming in around me. My Dr wanted to put me on zoloft, but while researching it I discovered that low testosterone caused similar symptoms. I got tested and mine was low.

I work best when my levels are at or slightly above "normal" levels.

Have you had your levels tested? maybe the androcur did not have much effect because you already had low testosterone.

I do 100 mg/weekly IM injection.

One thing being on testosterone allowed me to do was to address my body issues and get myself castrated. I was castrated June 18th 05, actually got to cut the cords myself.

I am very happy with both my new look and my testosterone level. And note testosterone is not ONLY about sex and sex drive.

Also check your estrogen levels, E2 in particular that can have a major effect on mood.

Bob