I was thinking - what if I stopped taking hormones? What would happen?

Would it be a wise decision?

you would most likely crash. not like a car but mentally, right now your body is using the estrigin in lou of testosterone so you are ok but without either its going to be a bumpy ride. If your prone to depression you may be that state real quick. On the bright side, the doctors will be happy to treat you then.

River

Riverwind (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 22, 2005 6:01 pm you would most likely crash. not like a car but mentally, right now your body is using the estrigin in lou of testosterone so you are ok but without either its going to be a bumpy ride. If your prone to depression you may be that state real quick. On the bright side, the doctors will be happy to treat you then.

River

Only for the depression part of course, which may or may not include male hormones.

I'm seeing my PCP for SSRIs on Thursday, and once again I'll try to talk her into female hormones, but I'm not optimistic Maybe I can at least get a test of my T/E levels.

It's just so confusing wondering what I should do. Like someone was telling me earlier, nearly all estrogen-induced changes are reversible, even if surgery is necessary to do it, so I might as well keep taking estrogen and see what happens. The only thing I've heard is not reversible after an extended time is certain processes in the brain, although I don't understand why taking T would not re-masculinize them.

As of now small lumps are present behind my nipples, and this makes me happy. I just wish I could figure out who I am.

plix (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 22, 2005 8:44 pm As of now small lumps are present behind my nipples, and this makes me happy. I just wish I could figure out who I am.

I think in the last month you have figured out a lot, at least I hope so.

Hugs, River

Riverwind (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:18 am I think in the last month you have figured out a lot, at least I hope so.

Hugs, River

I have , but I still have such a long way to go.

plix (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 23, 2005 10:54 am I have , but I still have such a long way to go.

YUP! And so have all of us who find that we are never quite finished with the proces of growing up. On tough days, the best I've been able to do is get through life by taking baby steps; on other days, I've felt like I could soar above any obstacle. In reality, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep trudging along. A person can go far that way!

Recently my partner forwarded me an e-mail from one of his ex-professors at Rutgers University. His old teacher had written to him: "You know, it doesn't matter that we learn to fly high or well, it only matters that we fly."

Who are you? Where are you going? You're going to find that out on the journey! Just BE yourself on any given day! The process of discovery is one of the most exciting aspects of being alive. About a year ago, I asked a respected member of the EA the very same questions you have asked in your posts, and he told me pretty much what I am writing here. I let go of who I was trying to be and simply started being ME! My life has changed radically since then. I'm leaving my career of 30 years and moving to the East Coast to be with the person I love. Perfect world? HARDLY, I'm frightened beyond anything I've ever known. Yet I wouldn't trade this new life for the money, property and prestige of the old one.

What I see when I read your posts, Plix, is that you are in the process of growing wings, and my heart tells me you are going to fly.

Greg

Plix,

The most obvious thing is it would slow down the pace of transitioning. But on the plus side:

The site with the COGIATI test (transsexual.org?) mentions a trap to avoid: trading one narrowly-defined role for another. Ultimately, handling TG/dysphoria is a matter of somehow becoming comfortable with one's body, rearranging things as needed.

Speaking as a castrate with no plans for HRT, I'm enjoying the ride. Emotions are more intense. My mother said I was 'sensitive' as a child (sensitive in a good sense: sensitive to others feelings), and I feel like I'm REDISCOVERING WHO I WAS before T came on the scene. I identify with women now more than men. ('Those brutes!' ) Stories of sexual abuse tear at me like never before. Tears come, and that's okay since I've stepped out of my narrowly-defined male role (internally, at least). Some of the changes are downright amusing, like heightened concern about appearance. One day, I wanted to wear my wife's shorts just because the color looked so nice and would go well with my shirt.

Depression? Haven't seen any yet (but YMWV). Instead, the JOY OF LIFE has returned. My closest bout with depression was in the five months PRECEDING castration when I was trying to strangle the male equipment. It helps that nearly every effect of castration is welcome to me. Impotence? Bring it on! Hot flashes? A reminder of my new state ('It's REAL!') and I get to identify with the ladies. Possible breast development? A bit embarrassing in public, yet I'm hoping for some.

For what it's worth, here's the experience of a MtF who didn't use HRT for two years after castration: http://www.geocities.com/sherrylanina/Castration.html

(Sorry if any of my posts come off as 'all my problems are solved.' Some days are harder than others. Mr. Penis can disgust me some days. It's always been the 'other guy' who has problems and now I'm the one struggling. I envy those who can go about daily life without a thought about gender issues.)

Thanks for hanging out at EA.

P.S. -- Didn't see Skopztikov's post till finishing this one, but they dovetail nicely.

Skopztikov (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 23, 2005 7:07 pm What I see when I read your posts, Plix, is that you are in the process of growing wings, and my heart tells me you are going to fly.

Greg

I yearn for that flight. I really do.

After my surgery i didnt take any hormones but after about two monthes i didnt feel as good as i had befor the surgery when i was on depo provera. So i started taking 1.25 premarin and within minets i felt my old self again.I think we all need hormones i just chose not to have testosterone anymore and premarin works just right for me but i do know we are all diffrent.

plix (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 21, 2005 9:25 pm I was thinking - what if I stopped taking hormones? What would happen?

Would it be a wise decision?

I was off my horomones for a month once (not by choice) and I became violent, deperessed, angry, and suicidal. I found out later, that I had a friend around me pretty much 24/7 to make sure I wouldnt do anything stupid.

That being said...

I did not fare well at ALL!!! and I was still taking Spiro... so it wasn't a testosterone thing. Why do you want to do that, out of curiousity?