This could very well revolutionize the way we percieve ourselves. We may all be here for exactly the same reason (even those of us who have suffered terrible childhood abuse!)

Most here have a strong desire to be castrated; some have difficulty explainy why exactly. This week I believe I found an answer! And it's absolutely wonderful! And may well include everyone! Please have a read, carefully and be honest with yourself. I hope you can find truth and peace in this explanation. And I hope to be able to prove this theory for you after.

What if we are eunuchs in male bodies? If you've taken the COGIATI Test (http://transsexual.org/cgi-bin/cgitest.exe?) , (and been honest with yourself), you'll probably be classified as a '3', which is androgenous. This test focuses on your social interaction, NOT sexual characteristics (So EVEN UNCUT MALES among us may be diagnosed as "genderless"), (eunuch in the mind, just as already said!).

We pick and choose female and male characteristics and desire - we have not strongly indentified with either catagory. Maybe the difficulty to identify our gender catagory lies in terrible childhood abuse? No strong role models in the home? Arguments in which your father was always made to look weak? For the triggering source, we may all have our own personal reasons.

But for all of us, as you developed into adolescence, you realise (even subconciously) that societies view of your gender may prevent you from doing those things which are perhaps not considered so masculine (maybe you enjoyed home economics (but need to keep it quiet from your school friends), maybe you are homosexual (but are afriad how loved one's will react), or didn't mind playing dolls with your neighbour, (but were afriad what others might think). There are many little clues to look for in your childhood. (I'll give examples from my life in a moment)

Of course, excessive masturbation and interest in sex forces this issue in your face and fuels the anger towards the offending parts of your body. You didn't want to be driven by hormones! You may even dislike body hair; as it is a direct symbol of manhood.

It should come as no surprise then, when most of us here begin self-harming between 11-14 just when the effects of puberty are shown and felt. And the desparate realization that we are not what we are meant to be. It also explains why a lot will self-harm during masturbation sessions.

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The proof : became crystal clear thinking of my childhood. I (like many here) remember myself as perfectly masculine. And not at all girlish. But when I Really thought hard I realised this is a distorted eunuch-esque way of seeing things.

Think carefully; do you ever remember a time in your life when a parent, teacher or perhaps a friend told you something was really meant for girls, but you thought nothing of it, because you just enjoyed the activity or object for what it was?

Here are some examples from my life (and maybe quite specific to my life!), but maybe will help you remember things in your own.

Remember, just because you enjoyed that is not alltogether masculine - it doesn't mean you're feminine! But it's an example of a trait that you'd love society to give you the freedom to enjoy openly. A Eunuch-esque mind is not so pre-occupied with the dividing line between male and female, simply enjoys things for what they are!

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* Ever prefer to play Netball (which girls were made to play) instead of Football (which the boys played) at elementary school? But just preferred the game, because it was gentler and you were better at it?

* Did you ever shop for new glasses, only to be told by mother that the pair you wanted was 'meant for girls', but you just liked the design?

* Ever enjoy Home Economics at school, but kept it quiet because your friends might tease you for it?

* Ever collect Wish-nik trolls with colourful hair you could re-arrange (they bring luck too!) but thought nothing of it?

* Ever have trouble using urinals, and would rather sit down (because it's less gender-specific and makes you feel comfortable)

* Were you ever happy to play around at a girl-friends house with her dolls or pet hamster, but thought nothing of it, because it was kinda neat.

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Anyway, very interested to hear people's feeling on this one. Disagree, or Agree I don't mind. I know this is true for me, and just curious to see if it fits anyone else!

ur right came in as [ 3 ] dang no fem symbols limpy

My results where 3, but I dont think this is a suitable test for a Eunuch discussion bourd, not all of us dress up as women, which is a subject that pops up allot in that tes, there is never a "I would never dress up as a woman!!" option.

Actually, I scored a -45/3, androgynous.

I think the test could be slightly altered, however, for more "eunuch-esque" responses and perhaps have to have its calculations altered as well -but probably only slightly.

I think Fraj may be onto something too.

I could just have well have written that post, with almost NO exceptions or grammar differences.

I totally agree Waka; this test was never meant for us. The fact that it so accurately places all of us on the radar is a testimony to it's accuracy. Like Paolo said, it would be facinating to modify it to detect 'skoptic syndrome' or Eunuch-esque behaviour, (or whatever they call it now!) early. '_g' private messaged me to say he scored '3' also.

If this idea is correct, most people here will.

And that's why I think this is the tip of something enourmous!

Finally, there is a definite group to which we belong; we are detectable on the radar of 'official' gender dysphorias, and of mainstream psychology. And perhaps our rightful place in encyclopedias! But most of all it could help us show the psychological community that this is a genunine sexuality, and possible to diagnose a disorder like ours early (say, at 12, 13 or 14) rather than later in life.

~Rog.

Um, I scored a -365. Actually a lot of my interest in castration has been alleviated due to an increased understanding of things that have been going on in my life. I was diagnosised with bipolar type II. Maybe after some review I'll post "The Book". It may provide some insight to at least a few people on here. Right now it is being reviewed.

I'm relieved that I figured out what was going on before my obsession turned into a reality. For me it would have been disasterous and I was heading in that direction all too quickly.

Thats still only 1 level below androgenous. So it was close; and perhaps this sends a clear signal : not to get cut, unless you're certain. It sounds like (applying the first part of the theory) whatever the 'triggering factors' for your difficulty in identifying who you are, are becoming more settled.

Trust me, if you can, you will be much happier as a male. For some of us, re-conecting with our 'ideal' identity may not be so feasible. I know what I am, I cannot go back and I absolutely love my body!

The problem with the test is that it assumes that you have trans gender issues or you wouldn't be taking the test. There are too many questions that wouldn't apply otherwise. I would like to see a similar test that just measured sexuality on a feminine -- masculine scale, leaving out all the cross dressing questions.

The only time I ever cross dressed was when I was chosen as a cheerleader for a girl's football game in high school. All the cheerleaders were boys and we all wore lipstick and bras. I wore my mother's black bra which showed up nicely under my white t-shirt.

By the way, I scored classification 2, -175

I don't think I have ever had any gender issues. I really like my masculinity. I did have some major issues accepting being gay, but once that was over with life was much better.

What I have had problems with is blaming a lot of blaming crap on my sex drive. I have known for years that my sex drive oscillates from normal to out of control. With this increased sex drive came intense feels of frustration, irritation, and agitation. After it passed I seemed to crash. I tended to become depressed and swore that it would never happen again. The out of control feeling was more than just my sex drive, but it is what I focused and blamed things on.

I do agree that a lot of people may be stuck in the in between world of male and female. And would prefer not to be driven by their sex drive or to bring it under control.

There is a core issue that everyone dances around. Exactly what are good indicators that someone will be more happy and okay becoming an eunuch? I don't know, but maybe with the survey and some of the research being done by Krister and others we can better answer that question.

I wish you the best of luck in finding your way through a new found life. I hope none of this comes off bad. I've been really down, frustrated, and irritated for the last couple of days for absolutely no reason. And tonight I have been tearing up randomly.

Fraj, I think you have some interesting ideas here; obviously wanting to be a eunuch involves some level of displeasure or pain or even anger with our "male" gender and physical attributes.

I know I didn't have very good male role models growing up (an older brother who ditched me for his friends and a father who worked all the time). Also, i was born with an undescended testicle -- so I "knew" from the age of 3 years old that I would never be a "normal" male (I'm not saying this is true, this is just how I felt emotionally then and for years afterwords).

Shutting down my sexuality now feels like "revenge" for all the pain having to grow up "male" caused me. If you think some women hate men, just imagine how many of us MEN hate what being a man is and requires. I do think lesbians and eunuchs often have an overlap -- a rejection of overt male sexuality and a desire to interact on a deeper much more emotional level. In most males, testosterone kills the emotional level, or at least supresses is greatly in relation to the physical level. An example of that is the numerous gay men who are merely looking for a "hole to fuck" and who turn the entire experience of sex into an anonymous purely physical exchange, devoid of emotional interplay or bonding. The goal is to "pump and dump" and quickly move on to the next attractive and willing receptical.

So yes, I think the Fraj's comments get to the heart of the psychic wounds which cause many of us to explore alternatives. And I know that along with the dissapearance of my sexuality, castration has freed me from some deep psychic pain and trauma of growing up and living as a male.