On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how???.....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????....)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could Just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???.....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my Gosh...was there a lot of this happening somewhere? Eunuchs? Eunuchs anyone?)
Those are so funny! So true too.