Since Paolo has rewritten and posted my nightmare to the Archive, I think I ought to take credit or blame for starting its creation.

Larry (http://www.eunuch.org/Alpha/L/ea_155848larry_re.htm) is based closely on a nightmare that Paolo himself induced in me.

A bit of background is in order. Over the past couple of years Paolo has become a very close friend. We share a great many interests (mostly outside of the Archive) and I, on my side, thoroughly enjoy every opportunity to talk with him.

This past Thanksgiving, my wife and daughter invited a large set of strays to our house for dinner. It was a motley and varied crew including such individuals as the Saudi student who declared that since Thanksgiving was the quintessential American holiday he was going to behave like an American in celebration. He spent the rest of the evening concentrating on the ham and the wine. There was also the devout vegetarian who declared that domestic turkeys are dumb enough that they ought to be considered vegetables. He then proceeded to do so. I described all of this, and more to Paolo and sent him some photos of the occasion.

Paolo reciprocated (or retaliated) by sending me a description and a single photo from his family Thanksgiving. The photo was a portrait of one of the guests, a young boy who is an inmate at a local “facility” where he was being warehoused because he was both considered too old for adoption and has severe ADHD. One of Paolo’s relatives works at the institution and was able to spring him just for the day. (Paolo was the one to have to drive him “home” after dinner.) The photo was of a very attractive young orphan whom Paolo also described as bright, energetic and creative.

Paolo has described to me many times - in writing, in person, and on the telephone – the routine and petty brutalities that are part of daily life for inmates of the institution.

As Paolo knows (as do a few others on the Archive), I enjoy spending time working with a former student who now teaches in Watts. Last year I spent time with her kindergarten class. This year, with the same kids, in her first grade. There is one boy, whose photo I’ve sent to Paolo, that I would like to bundle up and bring home. He’s extremely bright, articulate, and needs lots of love. Whenever I’m in the classroom, he needs to be holding my hand, sitting tight against my side, or in my lap. His teacher reports abuse at home (a foster home), just not severe enough to bring the over-loaded county welfare office into it. In addition to being intelligent, articulate, inquisitive, and very loving, he is also one of the best-looking children I’ve ever seen. He’s another piece of “Larry”. (For those whose minds work that way, especially based on the story text, the closest I’ve ever seen him to nude was wearing long pants and short-sleeves, at school, on a hot Los Angeles day.)

Paolo’s photo and description stimulated a nightmare that kept me awake for three nights in a row. I finally decided that the only way to get rid of it was to write it out and send it to someone else. Paolo, of course, was the recipient.

Paolo did ask my permission to post his revised version. I agreed, but decided not to read it – I was trying to forget the nightmare. The writing of it and exposing it to the light of day seemed to destroy its power over me.

After a few days with no hint of the nightmare returning, I ventured on to the Story Board to see what Paolo had changed. Below is a lightly edited version of my letter to him about it (with the real name of the boy and his “residence” removed):

Since my nightmare hasn’t returned at all since sending it to you, I finally opened your version of it on the Archive to see how you had changed it. I liked all the adjustments that you have made in the body of the story. They turned it from a quick sketch into a real story. But, I hated the additions that you’d made at the very end. They violated what had made the story a nightmare for me.

As a nightmare, it is based much more closely on the photo you sent me and on “The Facility” where the boy is warehoused. “Larry” is the young, bright, physically attractive throw-away child. The slave broker is the collective staff at the institution. They have bought into the system. They can be wonderful, kind, loving people outside the institution, but inside they have become inured to the routine pain and suffering that they oversee. It’s not them; it’s the system. But, they have become a part of it.

I experienced the slave broker in the tradition of ante-bellum slave owners in the American South – truly believing that they loved their slaves while devising fiendish punishments for their slightest infractions. He’s a nightmare for me because he has bought into the perverted system so much that he doesn’t see the horror that he helps perpetuate.

He sees his role as helping to “find homes for” unwanted children. He helps to remove a violent youth from the community. In the revised version he also helps to dispose of a teenage rapist. He’s a loving husband, father, grandfather, involved in community service, and committing unspeakable evil every day.

I’ve rewritten the story slightly (and extended the length greatly) to emphasize what I had perceived as central to it. I added a couple of new castration events in the middle, mostly to justify the expanded ending. (And it IS posted on the Eunuch Archive where castration events are required for stories.) Most of the changes come in a multi-page addition inserted just before the final paragraphs of the original, which are only slightly modified from my original.

In the revision I’ve emphasized, even more, a couple of aspects that were an integral part of the nightmare. The boy is every parent’s ideal child – bright, articulate, curious, polite, loving, good-looking. It’s all there. The slave broker clearly feels strongly attracted to him. He thinks about how much he has always wanted a son or grandson. He recognizes that the little boy in front of him is as close to perfect as he is ever likely to see.

Yet, he’s so caught up in an evil system that the only way he can think of helping Larry is to castrate him and to keep him as a slave. That’s the nightmare.

Since I committed this nightmare to written form, Larry hasn’t been back to wake me in the middle of the night. However, I do still worry about what evil I (both me as an individual and I as a member of the larger society) might be committing, absolutely blind to what it is.

Whew! That’s a lot of philosophy for the Eunuch Archive. I’m confident that the Archive and its members are not part of the problem. With the tolerance, respect, and caring attitudes that I see here, we’re more likely to be part of any long-term solution.

Jesus,

We have little control over our dreams.

It is not unusual for a dream to elicit fear, loathing and terror in us. Guilt is not something that a dream should cause, however, because we have no contol either over the dream or it's contents.

NO kidding, prayer has banished my bad dreams from my dreamland. I am not a devout person, heaven knows, but it worked anyway. It is the only thing that prayer helped me with, but it DID do that much for me.

I still dream sometimes on rare occasions, but now my dreams do not elicit strong emotion in me. I have a feeling that I am not remembering all of my dreams now. But concerning those that I do happen to remember, somehow, I am not alarmed with my dreams any more and the night fright is gone. I seem to be comfortable with my sub-consciousness now.

I know, this is strange, but it is true.

I hope this helps.

A-1

Oddly enough, "Larry" generated more email to me than any other thing I've ever written for the Archive. In a way, I'm confused. Most of the writers wondered if it were intended to be a horror story.

I think it is.

On another sidenote, the ending that was re-edited and taken out was very popular in that it gave the finality that Larry had no choice in what further horrors could be perpetuated upon his person. Jesus and I talked about this, in that he hated the ending. The readers disagreed and loved it. By 'loved it', I mean that they appreciated the darkness of the story.

The sad part is just how accurate that Jesus' feelings are. Here in the tale is a man who has everything he has ever wanted dropped right into his lap, but he can't see it.

Powerful, to say the least.

Paolo,

Both endings are powerful, but I think that the possible reason why most readers preferred the first is that the boy, whose wishes are totally ingored, is un-reconciled to his fate and is left without any hope. However, it does not expose the 'blindness' of the slave dealer to what he has on offer is not shown so explicitly and this might be why Jesus prefers the second one.

In the second ending, Larry appears to become partially reconciled to being castrated because he has been shown that his future may have compensations - this I found a little difficult to accept as likely. The inability of the Slave Dealer to see outside of the narrow confines of his attitude is much more clearly drawn. Incidentally, when writing this post, it did occur to me that I might be viewing the story with a very narrow point of view - after all, it is undoubtedly true that young men in China did have themselves castrated in the expectation of a 'better' life within the Forbidden City and depending upon the amount of despair and degradation in 'The Projects' it might be that an intelligent child could consider that life outside of that environment, even as a castrated slave, could be better that what he could expect if he stayed.

Thanks to both you an Jesus for a very thought provoking story.

LOL

I want to thank those Archive members who have taken the time to comment on my nightmare. So few of us ever seem to make the effort, and I know how much it’s appreciated to have any feedback.

A-1 has given some valuable insight into nightmares. I have mostly very pleasant dreams and only very rarely have nightmares. A recurrent nightmare, such as “Larry” hadn’t happened for several years. Writing it out and discussing it with Paolo was enough to destroy its power over me. I still react in horror to the ideas it expressed, but I don’t wake up in the middle of the night with them.

Colin raises a point that I hadn’t considered at all. Had Larry begun to accept the idea that he was to be castrated? I certainly didn’t have that feeling during the nightmare, and it wasn’t my intention to indicate that as I wrote it out. I’ve spent enough time with children to know how easily they “forget” or repress any unpleasant thoughts. Larry has just spent the night in what he must have perceived as a “palace”. He’d slept in a warm, soft bed. He’d had two excellent meals. He was wearing new, clean clothes. As Dr. Scott entered, he was sitting on the lap of a grandfatherly man who was giving him his full attention. Something that may have never happened before in his life. Many wonderful things had just happened to him, and he had pushed the horror that was to come completely out of consciousness. He screams as it comes rushing back to him.

This story may have generated so many e-mails to Paolo partly because it is a nightmare. It invokes horror and a strong reaction in the reader. I first became acquainted with Paolo through my reaction to one of HIS nightmares that he posted to the Archive in written form. I still react strongly to its message years later. It’s a long read – nearly book length and posted in 12 parts – but For Your Own Good may be the most powerful story ever posted here. With 12 parts, I decided not to post the links here, but you can easily look it up under the TITLE index on the Story Board. It was an early Paolo effort and was posted under the name ^Paolox3_, rather than simply under Paolo. If posted today, I imagine that it would generate a great many letters and comments.

I would like to write a version of this story, but from a different perspective. In my version, the kid would be handed over to the state, who then decides what to do with him. They can either place him in a foster home (unlikely since they would be required to pay for his upkeep), put him up for adoption, or sell him to a slave dealer. Having had some dealing with child protective agencies, I would like to focus on them. This is your story (Paolo and Jesus), though, so I would first like to get your permission to write it.

Slammr,

Paolo and I had a nice phone conversation this evening. We agree that you are one of our favorite authors (either on or off the Archive) and we'd both be very interested to see what you would do with the story. We're looking forward to seeing your take.

JesusA (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 06, 2004 8:41 pm Slammr,

Paolo and I had a nice phone conversation this evening. We agree that you are one of our favorite authors (either on or off the Archive) and we'd both be very interested to see what you would do with the story. We're looking forward to seeing your take.

Hoping that you would say "yes," I've already started it. It should be finished tomorrow-the next day at the latest. Although it has a different focus, I think I've captured the same theme. Anyway, I hope I have. I'll email you what I have so far.

Slammr’s story The Agency ( http://www.eunuch.org/Alpha/A/ea_205639the_agen.htm) is a horrific tale set in the same world as the nightmare that resulted in

JesusA (imported) wrote: Sun Dec 05, 2004 9:24 am Larry (http://www.eunuch.org/Alpha/L/ea_155848larry_re.htm).

It’s set only a few years into a future that develops logically from some current trends that we can already see around us.

Slammr’s story is excellent, as is everything he does. In this case, though, the narrator of the story is unredeemingly evil. In my nightmare, the most horrifying part for me, the aspect that wo

JesusA (imported) wrote: Sun Dec 05, 2004 9:24 am ke me in the middle of the night,

was that the narrator was a kind, gentle, grandfatherly sort who committed horrifyingly evil actions daily. He was utterly blind to that evil.

Like most of Slammr’s stories, this one really centers on the child, rather than on the adult narrator. Slammr IS a kind, gentle grandfather. When I was last in his hometown on business, we had a pleasant dinner together and talked far more about our respective grandchildren than about anything else. His concern for children’s welfare shines through everything he writes, even though he expresses that concern by focussing on horrific acts that adults commit against children.

I read the story while my two year-old grandson was taking his nap right next to my desk. The story is chilling and profoundly disturbing. Highly recommended!

Larry, and subsequently The Agency, which admittedly I found so distasteful that I only skimmed through it, dismay me because they, and a plethora of other EA stories dealing with the enslavement and sexual exploitation of children, appear in a venue whose main appeal is obviously erotic, so I can't help seeing them as intended to have erotic appeal rather than as serious social commentary.