Personal Advice Requested

[jane_says (imported)]

What would you do?

My six-year-old daughter, whom I'll call E, will be starting the first grade this year. Her best friend, whom I'll call D, was in her class last year. We've had birthday parties, lunches at restaurants, picnics, etc. with D's family. I graduated from high school with D's father, but wasn't close with him because we had different groups of friends. I always thought I recognized D's mom but couldn't quite place her. She is two years older than D's father and me.

Last week my parents took my brats on vacation with them. As is my habit every couple of months, I pored over our state's sex offender registry. Much to my shock and revulsion, I find not D's father, but MOTHER. (Yeah, I know, it's all the same, but there are so few women listed that I was dumbfounded). Her offense took place in 1993, and she began registering with the state in 1997, which leads me to believe that she pulled approximately four years. According to the site she will have to reregister next month.

Now, I like to feel I'm a pretty good judge of character, but the fact that I can sometimes be incredibly wrong is evidenced by my checking of the website in the first place. This woman seems, on the face of things, to be an almost stereotypical housemarm type - smiley, churchy, chubby, friendly, completely non-threatening. However, the website only lists violent sex offenders or sex offenses against children. D is a polite, sweet girl, and I have to wonder how a violent sex offender could have raised such a child. The father seems to be more of a fun parent - he's always the one taking her places, playing games and reading books. But still, the mother has always been very kind to D and both of my kids every time we've gotten together. One day when E and D were talking on the phone, E told me that D began crying suddenly and had to hang up quickly because "her mommy is mean". Once when we took the kids rollerskating, D's mom seemed almost obsessive in watching over the kids (my kids knew how to skate already and were teaching D), and now I wonder if maybe she was watching a little *too* closely.

Her offense is listed as aggravated sexual battery. Can anyone shed any light on what that might mean? I have Googled the crap out of her name, but can't find anything, probably because she would have had a different last name then. How can I go about finding out exactly what she did? What should I do here?

[Chibiabos (imported)]

Have you tried public records? You can request the criminal record of someone there SFAIK.

[jane_says (imported)]

Yes, I have. I know what she is convicted of. Since it's a sex offense, victims' names are sealed. I would like to know how to go about getting court records, etc. I have searched local newspaper archives and news to no avail.

[Leona Lee (imported)]

Hey Jane,that's scary.Have you just tried the police dept. or probation dept.The only prob. is,the word may get back.What a drag,keep us informed.If you know anyone that in law enforcement,maybe they can help.I have lot's of friends and customer's I've met through the year's.You can alway's take one to the side for some non-proffessional advice.All the Best,Leona

[A-1 (imported)]

Jane,

This may take time.

Find out where she was convicted. Find out the date of the conviction. Go to the Library at the city of the conviction and have the librarian set you up with micro-filmed newspapers and a viewer. Get the papers from 3 months before the conviction to one month after the conviction.

Start reading until you find the story. It will be there. If you need to know more, pick out names of people who were intimately involved with the investigation of the case and seek them out for a conversation. Do not tell them what you want to talk about until you are face-to-face with them.

Good luck and stick to it and you will find out much more than you want to know, I guarran DAM tee it.

A-1

[jane_says (imported)]

Thanks for all the suggestions and help. I have been trying to find out if she will know if anyone requested this information. Do they keep a record of that?

[Paolo]

My advice, for what it's worth:

Confront her head-on about it, and don't be shy.

After all, YOUR child is being exposed to this person, correct?

One good way to do this is at a crowded dinner party by asking loudly, "SO, just how many little kids did you murder to get put in the ol' slammer?"

One of my friend's brothers served time for "lewd acts with a child", and when I found out about it, since I spent a LOT of time with his family and was very close to the sister and her young son, I did just that.

Beating around the proverbial bush will get you nowhere on this one. Beating around the person in question will.

Oh, and if she's bigger than you are, take a weapon with you.

[jane_says (imported)]

I knew there was a reason I try to read all your posts, Paolo.

So far my daughter hasn't been exposed to her outside my or my husband's supervision. With this new information coming to light, it has about a snowball's chance of happening now. We're not really the dinner party type, and they don't appear to be either. She is the last person I would have imagined to have done anything like this. I am kind of worried about getting all accusatory with her and finding out that she wa involved with a sixteen year old boy when she was eighteen and his parents had her prosecuted for statutory rape. Of course, that would have been her offense, though, and not aggravated sexual battery. More than anything I am afraid of my daughter not being able to play with her friend anymore. They absolutely love each other. They talk on the phone a couple of times a day since school is out for the summer. D seems to be a really sweet, kind, polite kid, and E is quite shy. Their kindergarten teacher commented repeatedly about how they had been really good for each other this past school year and had helped each other to be brave, and lose some of their shyness. In short, I really want them to be able to remain best buddies. Before they hang up the phone they say "I love you" to each other.

What I may do is go to D's father's workplace and talk to him about it. I've known him longer and feel a little more comfortable talking to him about it. I think he had/has a little crush on me so maybe he'd be willing to talk about it. He's always willing to track me down when he sees me in his work anyway - maybe he'd spill.

She's quite a bit bigger than me - her profile on the sex offender website says she's 5'2" and about 220. I'm an inch shorter and quite considerably smaller, but that doesn't worry me. I am a Badass Ninja Rockstar Princess, you see.

[sag111 (imported)]

well Jane do watch your kides we thought we were but a smooth talking uncle had other plans on my daughter so as you watch thoes who you know may be a problem just remember the ones you dont expect can do the most dammage. So as you raise your children be aware of everyone and never take chances if you expect anything is not right.

Your friend SAG111

[_g (imported)]

Yes, I have. I know what she is convicted of. Since it's a sex offense, victims' names are sealed. I would like to know how to go about getting court records, etc. I have searched local newspaper archives and news to no avail.

All the information you need or want is public record. Your best bet is becoming friends with the county clerks. If the crime was local (within the state) they should be able to find out the information. Just remember it could of been a foster care charge which may of been unjust. You do need to talk to her and get the stright information. I've seen a teenager railroaded by the system by lies from a messed up foster child.

Many prosacutors do not care about justice, just winning even it they know the person is not guilty!

_g