ALL,
The question was asked about being a straight married eunuch. I will share my story in brief. First, I always like to define terms. There are men who, while castrated, by taking testosterone can perform more or less as an intact man. My working definition of a eunuch is a man who cannot perform sexually as a man and, in my case, has no desire to do so. Using that definition, I have been a eunuch now for about 25 years and am also presently happily married. For me, it is really what I have always wanted all my life. My present wife, Betsy, is my third wife.
One of the reasons my first wife and I broke up was that I had little interest in performing and suggested she seek other lovers. That is a bad situation in my view and in the early 70s we divorced. I went through a brief period of promiscuity, but when I met my second wife I fell very much in love and she was the only one. At first we did make love more or less like any other couple, but in the latter 70s, my doctor suggested I go on blood pressure medicine. The blood pressure, by the way, has never been a problem since. Still and all it affected my ability to perform. Patty, my second wife finally told me one night that she had never enjoyed penetration and she actually liked me having erectile difficulties. After some more discussions, I went back to the doctor prescribing my blood pressure medicine and essentially explained the situation. At this point, I went on a calcium and beta blocker as well as 0.625 mg Premarin.
My relationship with Patsy went into a golden ten years. Patsy and I made love frequently the way two lesbians would make love. In fact, she strongly preferred that I wear femme attire more and more of the time. To her, it was the best of all worlds: on the outside we would appear as a normal couple. In our private life, we interacted mostly like two women. When her sexual interests started to decline in the early 90s it should have been a red flag. I just assumed we were getting older. In reality, she had developed cancer and later died of colon cancer. It was a real blow to my life. I really loved her.
In the singles scene following, I quickly found out that the eunuch is not what most women are looking for. At this point the Internet was starting to become alive and I pursued that alternative. On the Net, you meet someone, exchange some email, eventually meet in person etc. I could explain that I was a eunuch and still looking for someone to love and live with. Surprisingly enough I found that there are many women out there looking for that kind of a relationship. Not the majority, but many nonetheless. Eventually I found my present wife on the Net in the mid 90s.
We have been married now for a bit less than eight years. She knew from the start via email before we met that I could not perform. Never a problem. We have a wonderful relationship. She as well has no problem with me dressing around the house. I do not pass in a hot second as a woman in public, but I can recognize and accept that fact.
So being a eunuch should not stop a man from finding a relationship. It takes some looking, but women are definitely out there who like eunuchs. One should not have a low opinion of them self for being a eunuch.
The Straight Married Eunuch
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Glenda J (imported)
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sag111 (imported)
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Re: The Straight Married Eunuch
All i can say is you have such a wonderful story and it is good to let others know that just because we or they are eunuches should not stop them from finding happness .I have been chemicaley castrated now for two years and just the 17th of June had surgery .My wife and i are very happy now as we are getting along better then we ever did befor .Thanks again Glenda j for your beautiful post.
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Glenda J (imported)
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Re: The Straight Married Eunuch
ALL,
The purpose of this article is simple: How does a eunuch find a relationship? I tag it along with my first article on this when I outlined how I met my present wife. This paper is primarily addressed to the straight eunuch looking for a woman. Most of the general principles apply, however, whether one seeks a same or opposite sex relationship. Again, when I use the term "eunuch" I am using it to mean a man who cannot perform in the normal male manner and has no desire to do so.
I want to get back to a point I made in that previous post and amplify it. The mainstream woman is looking for a man who can perform in the traditional manner. They are not looking for a eunuch. However, MANY women want eunuchs!! That is exactly what they are looking for
Many women do not desire penis vaginal intercourse. For a variety of reasons it does not bring pleasure. There is also the point that many women lean towards being a lesbian. Even though our society has become more tolerant of gays and lesbians, it still represents a social stigma in many quarters. Any openly gay person is marked in the office, the church, and virtually any social circumstance. On the other hand a woman can have an ongoing relationship with a eunuch and to the outside world it is an ordinary relationship Within the relationship, it has many characteristics of a woman-woman relationship. So there are some real practical factors to consider. Again, many women are around who will find a relationship with a eunuch to be ideal. It takes effort to find one, but not an inordinate effort.
The first step in my view is to thoroughly come to grips with yourself. Some eunuchs have conflicts as to what they come to know as their true nature as opposed to what they might feel they should be. Self acceptance and being well grounded is essential in any case to find a good relationship. Going hand and hand with this is exactly what your desires are in the sexual arena. If you desire a relationship with no sex at all, that is different from wanting a relationship that involves sex, but not sexual intercourse. In my case, I can become sexually aroused, but it takes a lot of foreplay not dissimilar to the way women get turned on.
It takes effort to find a good relationship. One must get out and meet people and sell themselves to others. The Internet can be of great help and in fact is how I met my present wife. It is not a cure all and in any case is a tool that takes effort to use efficiently.
In any relationship there are certain matters that must be considered. Four in my view are essential. A basic compatibility on lifestyle, common interests, basic philosophy of life or religion, and financial compatibility. What does she like to do and what do you like to do? You need after the initial blush of those first few dates to look at things like money. Money is one of the biggest sources of contention in a relationship. Who pays for what etc. Another is religion. One thing I like about my church is the way we accept those of a wide variety of belief systems. Generally a woman of the "Bible believing" conservative system of belief will not accept a eunuch nearly as much as one of a more liberal religion. Something one does need to explore. People in groups such as the Secular Humanists, the liberal end of many Christian or Jewish groups, Unitarians and many into "New Thought" are much more likely to be looking for something "out of the mainstream." What you are looking for are groups that have a significant representation of lesbians and that they are completely accepted within that group.
Singles groups I generally do not recommend as they tend to draw people who are excessively lonely or otherwise have problems they are working through. If, for example, one decides to join a church, my suggestion is to simply become active in the church as a whole and if they have a singles group to relegate it to second priority. The single women will find out about you in any case. If one is interested in the theater, a small playhouse group could well be in order. I think you see what I am getting at.
Another point worth mentioning is becoming quite familiar with the ways lesbians make love. There are many good books on this subject and you will find several in any lesbian book store or a store that carries a good line of love making books in general. One thing that will sell you in great style is when a woman finds out that you can make love as well as any lady she may have experienced. Main point in this arena is focusing on HER needs. Something many ordinary men totally overlook.
When you do meet someone, there is that initial phase of getting to know each other. On the Net, there will be that first flurry of emails. I should add that email is a wonderful way to initially cover some needed ground, but it does not substitute for meeting in person. The initial meeting, by the way, should be in a well lit public place and both of you should have your own cars. If things dont work out, it is simply time to part and hopefully as friends.
Once a person appears to be promising, the matter of your eunuch status needs to be brought up. You will usually have some idea fairly soon (and some of this is gut instinct) whether this woman is interested in conventional intercourse. Clearly if the woman has not had intercourse for some time is one good indication right in itself. When the subject is broached, it may well be the extinguishing of the flame. It always hurts a bit no matter how well grounded and self confident one may be. It is good, however, that neither of you have invested much in the relationship and each of you can go your way. Getting seriously into the relationship only to find out much later that something as basic as sexual preferences have not been considered can lead to some real hard feelings.
I said that many men do not think of the womans needs, but rather focus on the matter them coming off. A eunuch has a wonderful opportunity to be much different. After the relationship has reached a certain point you need to discuss just what turns her on and you on. She may be into some fantasies of her own. Or there may be certain parts of her body that are secondary erogenous zones that you can exploit. Certain articles of clothing may be appropriate. The thing to keep in mind is that the ultimate purpose of conventional intercourse is to place the male sperm into the womans body. The main and ultimate purpose of eunuch sex is pleasure. This is a very exciting time as you get to know each other in this arena. The great thing about this kind of sex is that fantasies can abound and to a degree often not found in conventional relationships.
I will write up some of these and present them in the story section.
Naturally there is no one set of rules for everyone, but I have tried to cover some of more common points that can and normally will come up in the process of finding love.
I would very much like hear the experiences of others. I am sure that there are many good ideas that did not occur to me and additional inputs will only make this thread better. Also we can always use some good fantasy material in the story section of eunuchs making love to their ladies.
The purpose of this article is simple: How does a eunuch find a relationship? I tag it along with my first article on this when I outlined how I met my present wife. This paper is primarily addressed to the straight eunuch looking for a woman. Most of the general principles apply, however, whether one seeks a same or opposite sex relationship. Again, when I use the term "eunuch" I am using it to mean a man who cannot perform in the normal male manner and has no desire to do so.
I want to get back to a point I made in that previous post and amplify it. The mainstream woman is looking for a man who can perform in the traditional manner. They are not looking for a eunuch. However, MANY women want eunuchs!! That is exactly what they are looking for
Many women do not desire penis vaginal intercourse. For a variety of reasons it does not bring pleasure. There is also the point that many women lean towards being a lesbian. Even though our society has become more tolerant of gays and lesbians, it still represents a social stigma in many quarters. Any openly gay person is marked in the office, the church, and virtually any social circumstance. On the other hand a woman can have an ongoing relationship with a eunuch and to the outside world it is an ordinary relationship Within the relationship, it has many characteristics of a woman-woman relationship. So there are some real practical factors to consider. Again, many women are around who will find a relationship with a eunuch to be ideal. It takes effort to find one, but not an inordinate effort.
The first step in my view is to thoroughly come to grips with yourself. Some eunuchs have conflicts as to what they come to know as their true nature as opposed to what they might feel they should be. Self acceptance and being well grounded is essential in any case to find a good relationship. Going hand and hand with this is exactly what your desires are in the sexual arena. If you desire a relationship with no sex at all, that is different from wanting a relationship that involves sex, but not sexual intercourse. In my case, I can become sexually aroused, but it takes a lot of foreplay not dissimilar to the way women get turned on.
It takes effort to find a good relationship. One must get out and meet people and sell themselves to others. The Internet can be of great help and in fact is how I met my present wife. It is not a cure all and in any case is a tool that takes effort to use efficiently.
In any relationship there are certain matters that must be considered. Four in my view are essential. A basic compatibility on lifestyle, common interests, basic philosophy of life or religion, and financial compatibility. What does she like to do and what do you like to do? You need after the initial blush of those first few dates to look at things like money. Money is one of the biggest sources of contention in a relationship. Who pays for what etc. Another is religion. One thing I like about my church is the way we accept those of a wide variety of belief systems. Generally a woman of the "Bible believing" conservative system of belief will not accept a eunuch nearly as much as one of a more liberal religion. Something one does need to explore. People in groups such as the Secular Humanists, the liberal end of many Christian or Jewish groups, Unitarians and many into "New Thought" are much more likely to be looking for something "out of the mainstream." What you are looking for are groups that have a significant representation of lesbians and that they are completely accepted within that group.
Singles groups I generally do not recommend as they tend to draw people who are excessively lonely or otherwise have problems they are working through. If, for example, one decides to join a church, my suggestion is to simply become active in the church as a whole and if they have a singles group to relegate it to second priority. The single women will find out about you in any case. If one is interested in the theater, a small playhouse group could well be in order. I think you see what I am getting at.
Another point worth mentioning is becoming quite familiar with the ways lesbians make love. There are many good books on this subject and you will find several in any lesbian book store or a store that carries a good line of love making books in general. One thing that will sell you in great style is when a woman finds out that you can make love as well as any lady she may have experienced. Main point in this arena is focusing on HER needs. Something many ordinary men totally overlook.
When you do meet someone, there is that initial phase of getting to know each other. On the Net, there will be that first flurry of emails. I should add that email is a wonderful way to initially cover some needed ground, but it does not substitute for meeting in person. The initial meeting, by the way, should be in a well lit public place and both of you should have your own cars. If things dont work out, it is simply time to part and hopefully as friends.
Once a person appears to be promising, the matter of your eunuch status needs to be brought up. You will usually have some idea fairly soon (and some of this is gut instinct) whether this woman is interested in conventional intercourse. Clearly if the woman has not had intercourse for some time is one good indication right in itself. When the subject is broached, it may well be the extinguishing of the flame. It always hurts a bit no matter how well grounded and self confident one may be. It is good, however, that neither of you have invested much in the relationship and each of you can go your way. Getting seriously into the relationship only to find out much later that something as basic as sexual preferences have not been considered can lead to some real hard feelings.
I said that many men do not think of the womans needs, but rather focus on the matter them coming off. A eunuch has a wonderful opportunity to be much different. After the relationship has reached a certain point you need to discuss just what turns her on and you on. She may be into some fantasies of her own. Or there may be certain parts of her body that are secondary erogenous zones that you can exploit. Certain articles of clothing may be appropriate. The thing to keep in mind is that the ultimate purpose of conventional intercourse is to place the male sperm into the womans body. The main and ultimate purpose of eunuch sex is pleasure. This is a very exciting time as you get to know each other in this arena. The great thing about this kind of sex is that fantasies can abound and to a degree often not found in conventional relationships.
I will write up some of these and present them in the story section.
Naturally there is no one set of rules for everyone, but I have tried to cover some of more common points that can and normally will come up in the process of finding love.
I would very much like hear the experiences of others. I am sure that there are many good ideas that did not occur to me and additional inputs will only make this thread better. Also we can always use some good fantasy material in the story section of eunuchs making love to their ladies.
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Andrew (imported)
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Re: The Straight Married Eunuch
ALL,
Well, that sort of depends on whether or not you buy into society's general viewpoint that you are not "complete" without a relationship.
At the moment, I feel no NEED for a relationship. I am not sure what I would DO if I were in a relationship. My four cats fulfill whatever instincts I have for love and nuture of others. I am active in AA. I know many women in AA, who know of my status. Maybe something will happen there, but I am not pushing it.
So, without the sex drive, I feel no real need for a relationship and am not actively looking for one. If one should come along, I'll keep an open mind.
Glenda J (imported) wrote: Tue Jul 06, 2004 1:54 pm The purpose of this article is simple: How does a eunuch find a relationship?
Well, that sort of depends on whether or not you buy into society's general viewpoint that you are not "complete" without a relationship.
At the moment, I feel no NEED for a relationship. I am not sure what I would DO if I were in a relationship. My four cats fulfill whatever instincts I have for love and nuture of others. I am active in AA. I know many women in AA, who know of my status. Maybe something will happen there, but I am not pushing it.
So, without the sex drive, I feel no real need for a relationship and am not actively looking for one. If one should come along, I'll keep an open mind.
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Leona Lee (imported)
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Re: The Straight Married Eunuch
Glenda,Wow,what a wonderful explaination.In many way's decribes me and my wife.Penetration hurt her too much.So It made me so goofy,loved her so much.I began to search for a way to tone down urges.Got into Estrogen and such,got a little girlie.I do Premarin also,2.5 mg.s a day.Testosterone is mean stuff.At my age [58] I've already been there and done that.I wouldn't mind living the rest of my life as a women.Christianity and family makes us hold back.I love my breast's.Thank you for the great explaination,nice to know I'm not alone.Leona Lee-
bullgeo (imported)
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Re: The Straight Married Eunuch
Glenda J,
I'm sorry that you lost Patsy, but I have some questions about your relationship with her. For example, you said when you were alone with her, that you would wear femme attire. Also the fact that she encouraged you to wear more. So my question is, was Patsy the dominate female and you the submissive eunuch?
I am a eunuch, and I like to wear panties and would like to be submissive to my wife. However she won't let me wear femme attire. She said that when she would think about me like that, she thought of me as a PERVERT.....she wouldn't let me touch her, she was discussed with me. So I play my role as the straight dominate male, but I still have fantasies about being her panty boy sissy. I would rather be married to a female who wanted to take control, like the girls on http://www.humiliatrix.com Now I could live with Mistress Melissa.
So my original question was, were you the submissive in that relationship?
Bull
Write me Glenda J.
[email protected]
I'm sorry that you lost Patsy, but I have some questions about your relationship with her. For example, you said when you were alone with her, that you would wear femme attire. Also the fact that she encouraged you to wear more. So my question is, was Patsy the dominate female and you the submissive eunuch?
I am a eunuch, and I like to wear panties and would like to be submissive to my wife. However she won't let me wear femme attire. She said that when she would think about me like that, she thought of me as a PERVERT.....she wouldn't let me touch her, she was discussed with me. So I play my role as the straight dominate male, but I still have fantasies about being her panty boy sissy. I would rather be married to a female who wanted to take control, like the girls on http://www.humiliatrix.com Now I could live with Mistress Melissa.
So my original question was, were you the submissive in that relationship?
Bull
Write me Glenda J.
[email protected]
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Glenda J (imported)
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Re: The Straight Married Eunuch
Leona, you are most certainly not alone. There are many men who have definite feminine characteristics. The problem is that women who have the desire to dress very masculine and do a lot of things like work on cars, shoot guns, etc. are generally able to move around well in our society. The guy who likes slikies, likes to sew, and especially not be the John Wayne type in bed, can be looked down upon. A group you might want to look into is Tri-Ess http://www.tri-ess.org/ I recommend them highly as a group concerned about the welfare of heterosexual male crossdressers and their wives and family members. There are many other groups as well.
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Glenda J (imported)
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Re: The Straight Married Eunuch
Bull, no, I would not say I was submissive. It was pretty much mutual as is my present marriage. In the parlance of married crossdressers, you are married to an unsupportive wife. One event that might help both of you a lot is SPICE (I forget exactly what it stands for) which is a convention/workshop for crossdressers and their wives, but the men must dress straight. That is, crossdressing is not permitted. They feature many good speakers and I have never yet heard of anyone who did not get a lot out of the affair. You can find out more about SPICE by looking at the Tri-Ess site http://www.tri-ess.org/ . I will quickly add something. I was very active at one point in Tri-Ess, but my desire to cross dress has diminished somewhat in the past few years. For me, the eunuch alternative is worked out very well. I do cross dress on occasion, but it is not any major part of my life these days. It might turn out that if your wife reflects a bit she may come to realize that men who like to dress or otherwise exhibit femme characteristics are generally not perverts at all. Some of our most famous men including one of the astronauts are crossdressers. The list is legion. So SPICE is something you might want to look into.
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bullgeo (imported)
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Re: The Straight Married Eunuch
Glenda J (imported) wrote: Tue Jul 27, 2004 8:17 pm Bull, no, I would not say I was submissive. It was pretty much mutual as is my present marriage. In the parlance of married crossdressers, you are married to an unsupportive wife. One event that might help both of you a lot is SPICE (I forget exactly what it stands for) which is a convention/workshop for crossdressers and their wives, but the men must dress straight. That is, crossdressing is not permitted. They feature many good speakers and I have never yet heard of anyone who did not get a lot out of the affair. You can find out more about SPICE by looking at the Tri-Ess site http://www.tri-ess.org/ . I will quickly add something. I was very active at one point in Tri-Ess, but my desire to cross dress has diminished somewhat in the past few years. For me, the eunuch alternative is worked out very well. I do cross dress on occasion, but it is not any major part of my life these days. It might turn out that if your wife reflects a bit she may come to realize that men who like to dress or otherwise exhibit femme characteristics are generally not perverts at all. Some of our most famous men including one of the astronauts are crossdressers. The list is legion. So SPICE is something you might want to look into.
Glenda J.,
You are right about famous men, like J. Edgar Hoover, the founder and head of the FBI for 50 years was a cross dresser. But I bet he wouldn't have hired a crosser dresser it it came out in the background investigation. Society is so two faced. Maybe after the gay marriage issue is resolved, women will give a little slack in the bedroom and let their spouse's be a little femme.
Bull
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Leona Lee (imported)
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Re: The Straight Married Eunuch
Glenda,
Thank's Hun,I'll go there.I showed a picture of my mom when she was my age to a Lady friend.She thought it was me.Actually I'm finer featured than my mom was.It's been fun letting out the fem.At my age,people don't bother.They just think your mellowing out.Isn't this great?Hugs Leona
Thank's Hun,I'll go there.I showed a picture of my mom when she was my age to a Lady friend.She thought it was me.Actually I'm finer featured than my mom was.It's been fun letting out the fem.At my age,people don't bother.They just think your mellowing out.Isn't this great?Hugs Leona