I was tired of being bossed around by my wife, so I went to a Psychiatrist. He said I needed to build my self-esteem, and gave me a book on assertiveness, which I read on the way home.

I finished the book by the time I got home, I stormed into the house and walked up to my wife, pointing a finger in her face, and said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and that my word is law! I want you to fix me a gourmet meal tonight with a sumptuous dessert afterwards. Then after dinner, you're going to draw my bath so I can relax, and when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The fucking undertaker," she said.

A-1