3 Light Views of the World

[Studlover (imported)]

Father Son Talk

A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about

the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting

into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"

Confused, the father asks what's wrong. "Oh, dad,"

the boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa speech'. At

seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight,

you hit me with the 'There's no tooth fairy' speech. If you're going to

tell me that grownups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to

live for.

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Subject: Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa

Where a woman may go to choose a husband from among

many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase

in Positive attributes as the shopper ascends the

flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to

any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but

if you go up a Floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the

building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a

Husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well,

that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder

what's further Up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I

wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and

are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's

Upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids,

are extremely good looking and help with the

housework.

"Wow," exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT,

there must be more further up!" And again she heads up

another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids,

are extremely good looking, help with the housework

and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think ... what must be

awaiting me further On?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6-You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that

Women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping Husband Mart

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Drunken Cowboy

A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire

seats in the posh Amarillo Theater. When the usher came by and

noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're

only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The

usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there

I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the cowboy just

groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he

returned with the manager Together the two of them tried repeatedly

to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally they summoned

the police.

The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then

asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

"Sam," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" asked the Ranger.

With pain in his voice Sam replied,. . . . . .

"The balcony..."