In the spirit of fairness...
Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2004 2:51 am
On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Every nation in attendance at an international symposium on elephants had to deliver a report on the animals.
France's report: "The Love Life of an Elephant."
America saw the economic values in: "Raising Elephants for Fun and Profit."
Great Britain had their own unique view: "The Elephant and the British Empire."
The Canadian report was, of course, typically Canadian... "The Elephant: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A Canadian tourist fell into a beer vat during a tour of the Labatt's Brewing Facility outside of Toronto. Plant officials estimate the tourist drank fifteen gallons of beer before he could be removed from the vat.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In Canada we have two seasons -- six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You Know You're Canadian When:
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color.
You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You know what a toque is.
You've plugged a car in overnight.
You've defended your property from trespassers with a hockey stick because you don't own a gun.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: How do you get the Canadian paparazzi off your front lawn?
A: You say "Please get off my front lawn."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
President George W. Bush called Prime Minister Jean Chretien with a pressing emergency; "Our largest condom factory has exploded," Bush cried. "My people's favorite source of birth control is in jeopardy!
This is a disaster!"
"George, da Canajian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'elp you," replied the Prime Minister.
"I need your help," said Bush. "Could you possibly send us 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Certainment! I will get on hit right haway," said Jean.
"Oh, and one small favor, please?" said President George W."
"Oui?" replied Jean.
"Could the condoms be red, white and blue, and at least 10 inches long, with a 4 inch diameter?" asked Bush.
"No prob'lem," replied the Prime Minister, and with that Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan.
"I need a favor. You got to make 1,000,000 condoms right haway, and sen'dem to Hamerica."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen mon ami. Dey haf to be rouge, blanc et bleu in colour, hat least 10 hinches long, and 4 hinches in dia'meter."
"That's easily done Jean. Anything else?"
"Yes," said the Prime Minister, "an print on dem
MADE IN CANADA, size: SMALL.
PROUD TO BE CANADIAN!"
------------------------------------------------
And just for sake of completeness, a website for visiting.
http://www.wedonotliveinigloos.com/
Please note, that the above website, and all of the jokes presented here, are meant strictly as humour. No offence is intended. As is my country's policy, as well as the policy of many of her citizens, if the above humor offends, I hereby apologize.
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Every nation in attendance at an international symposium on elephants had to deliver a report on the animals.
France's report: "The Love Life of an Elephant."
America saw the economic values in: "Raising Elephants for Fun and Profit."
Great Britain had their own unique view: "The Elephant and the British Empire."
The Canadian report was, of course, typically Canadian... "The Elephant: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A Canadian tourist fell into a beer vat during a tour of the Labatt's Brewing Facility outside of Toronto. Plant officials estimate the tourist drank fifteen gallons of beer before he could be removed from the vat.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In Canada we have two seasons -- six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You Know You're Canadian When:
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color.
You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You know what a toque is.
You've plugged a car in overnight.
You've defended your property from trespassers with a hockey stick because you don't own a gun.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: How do you get the Canadian paparazzi off your front lawn?
A: You say "Please get off my front lawn."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
President George W. Bush called Prime Minister Jean Chretien with a pressing emergency; "Our largest condom factory has exploded," Bush cried. "My people's favorite source of birth control is in jeopardy!
This is a disaster!"
"George, da Canajian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'elp you," replied the Prime Minister.
"I need your help," said Bush. "Could you possibly send us 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Certainment! I will get on hit right haway," said Jean.
"Oh, and one small favor, please?" said President George W."
"Oui?" replied Jean.
"Could the condoms be red, white and blue, and at least 10 inches long, with a 4 inch diameter?" asked Bush.
"No prob'lem," replied the Prime Minister, and with that Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan.
"I need a favor. You got to make 1,000,000 condoms right haway, and sen'dem to Hamerica."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen mon ami. Dey haf to be rouge, blanc et bleu in colour, hat least 10 hinches long, and 4 hinches in dia'meter."
"That's easily done Jean. Anything else?"
"Yes," said the Prime Minister, "an print on dem
MADE IN CANADA, size: SMALL.
PROUD TO BE CANADIAN!"
------------------------------------------------
And just for sake of completeness, a website for visiting.
http://www.wedonotliveinigloos.com/
Please note, that the above website, and all of the jokes presented here, are meant strictly as humour. No offence is intended. As is my country's policy, as well as the policy of many of her citizens, if the above humor offends, I hereby apologize.
