Famous People Quotes

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was

not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "no good in a bed,

but fine up against a wall". (Eleanor Roosevelt)

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good

ending and having the two as close together as possible. (George

Burns)

Santa Claus has the right idea-visit people only once a year. (Victor

Borge)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

(Mark Twain)

My wife is a sex object-every time I ask for sex, she objects. ( Les

Dawson)

By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if

you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (Groucho

Marx)

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech-every now and then she

stops to breathe. (Jimmy Durante)

I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food

groups: Alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. (Alex Levine)

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. (Henny Youngman)

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.' (Joe Namath)

At my age, flowers scare me. (George Burns)

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

(Herbert Henry Asquith)

I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's

time for my nap. (Bob Hope)

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in

it. (W.C. Fields)

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't

remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. (George Burns)

Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him "Be fruitful

and multiply." But not in those exact words... (Woody Allen)

If only God would give me some sign...a clear sign! Like making a large

deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. (Selections from The New Yorker)

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your

children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain

control of your estate. (Woody Allen)

If you want to make GOD Laugh, tell him your future plans. (Woody

Allen)

Those are my principles, if you don't like them...... I have others.

(Groucho Marx)

Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I

have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that

statement. (Mark Twain)

I hear U.S. President George W. Bush went to London, England, to visit the Royals, Britain's Queen Elizabeth II and the Duke of Edinburgh at Buckingham Palace.

Its said he went to England to learn English...