Snappy answer #1 A flight attendant was stationed at the

departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her

hand for the ticket, & he opened his trench coat & flashed her. Without

missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the

grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked

a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied,

"No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3 The cop got out of his car & the kid who was stopped for

speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the

cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without

a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign

comes up that reads "Low bridge ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is

right ahead of him & he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up

for miles.. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car &

walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips & says, "Got

stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge &

ran out of gas."

And finally #5, THE TEACHER - Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR A college teacher

reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate

any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear

attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your

immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass

guy in the back of the room raised his hand & asks, "What would you say

if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete & utter sexual

exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the

student, shakes her head, & sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to

write the exam with your other hand."