Many women seem happy that their men are chemically castrated. Are you?

madscientist1 (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 16, 2003 6:51 pm Many women seem happy that their men are chemically castrated. Are you?

A resounding yes. We have been married almost 20 years and for the first 19 of them I was virtually frigid for reasons I will not go into. Our sex life was miserable and one Friday night in one of our frequent arguments over sex I said “Sometimes I wish you didn’t have that damn thing between your legs.” That lead to a lot of tears and our first honest talk about sex ever and I finally confided in my husband about my terror over sex. My husband quietly did some research and after a few days talked to me about thoughts of his becoming a chemical eunuch. To say I was shocked would be inadequate but he eventually sold me on looking further into it with a doctor when he assured me that it could be reversed after a few months if we wanted and what both of us really wanted was to be able to make love with each other but it appeared sex was getting in the way. My best friend is also my gynecologist and we agreed to ask her over and get her advice. She knew a therapist who specializes in sexual problems and was also a woman. To make a long story short, with the doctor and therapist’s help my husband started on a program based on androcur. After only 3 weeks his libido and ability to have an erection were almost nil and we were cuddling and being very affectionate. As time progressed his body softened slightly and became more sensitive, especially his nipples and abdomen. By 3 to 4 months we were actually making love without sex. I am able to take him to a true euphoric high by lightly dragging my fingernails on sensitive areas and passionate open mouth kisses. When I let him slowly come down with just tender kisses and firm caressing, he will just hold me very close and it is like he is in a quiet trance. From the beginning he has made me feel more loved than ever in my life and recently he has even been able sexually arouse me. About a month ago he actually took me orally to my 1st ever orgasm, something I hope I will be able to let him do again. Also I have become comfortable undressing in front of him. Before I always felt he was staring at me like I was a sex object but now I feel like an art object because there is no threat involved. For the same reason I enjoy being touched most places. After the orgasm, our therapist asked us to consider going off the program and returning to standard therapy and because she didn’t really know how long he could take androcur and still be 100% reversible so if we ever wanted to try this would be the time. We had learned a lot about each other and were physically much closer. She made it clear that she could offer no guarantees and it would be a long and hard process. My husband and I talked about it for hours. It was hard for me to be totally honest because I kept feeling guilty about cheating him out of the sex he deserves so much. When I said it just wasn’t fair his response was perfect. “God never promised us fair, only the strength and wisdom to deal with whatever came our way. Sex is not one of our choices.” He admitted that sexual orgasm was an intense pleasure but it really only lasted a few seconds compared to the several minutes of euphoria he enjoys now. If he can only pick one he would pick what we have now. I then admitted that I was totally afraid of going back to having to have sex and didn’t think I could do it. The next day we told the therapist we were going forward and never looking back. Yesterday he came to me and said we should serious think about going permanent and eliminating the drugs. We are just starting to do some research (haven’t even mentioned to the doctor yet) and we will take our time as this is a huge decision. One wrinkle in it is that he wants me to be physically involved in whatever we do. He sees it almost like a renewal of our vows he says. Something that will make it even more meaningful.

So I must say I am elated that he has been chemically castrated and is looking at physical castration because it has made my problem easy for me and allowed me to finally experience love making while he made all the sacrifices. Is that True Love or what?

You don't think you could go off the drug and try what you've found but with "all parts working"? I understand what you're saying about how it is different, but maybe now he's realized what was missing, he can "remember" it?

Apparently 14 women voted but only one chose to explain her choice. Her story is helpful and it would be very helpful if some of the other women would tell why they do or do not like the fact that their husband has chosen chemical castration. Also it would help if I knew why the man made this choice and if they share any intamacy or romantic interest since he took this path.

My wife grew up in a severe sexually abusvive situation and can barely tolerate any physical intamacy, even passionate kissing or light petting let alone actual intercourse. I knew the situation going in but I love her for all of her other attributes. We are working at trying to reach some level of normal intamacy. She has been seeing a therapist for several years and when our courtship got serious, I was invited to attend some sessions. Since we got married i have been invited to several sessions.

The problem appears to be a profound fear of male aggression caused by sexual desire and her total lack of control in that situation. At one session I suggested that if my sexual ability could be turned off by drugs (I had heard of use of drugs to chemical castrate sex offenders.) that then she might feel more in control and might help. The therapist looked at me like I was a pervert and she said that comments like this were not helpful and I just had to be patient and supportive and not trying to rush things just to have sex. These things take time.

On the way home from the session, however, my wife asked what I was talking about and thought maybe it might help but is afraid it would be dangerous or cause me permanent damage. Plus if I couldn't have sex would I still want to be romantic or intamant. I had no answers. I talked to our family doctor and his comment was just "Don't even go there. These are dangerous drugs and not meant as sex toys."

I just found this forum and there seems to be a lot ot good information from people who actually have done this but we still have a lot of questions. Can I use one of these drugs for a few months effectively stopping me from having sex and then stop for a while to rcover and then repeat the proces? Will my desire for romance and intamacy completely wane while on the drugs? Will I still have the same other medical concerns that are discussed in this forum if I use the drugs for short periods of a few months at a time?

The medical profession does not seem to want to be involved. If some of the women who voted in the poll or any one with real experience would be so kind as to address some of these issues it would be very helpful.

anon (imported) wrote: Sun Nov 09, 2003 8:55 pm So I must say I am elated that he has been chemically castrated and is looking at physical castration because it has made my problem easy for me and allowed me to finally experience love making while he made all the sacrifices. Is that True Love or what?

This account flows with compassion and passion.Thank you for the post.

Mr. Williams (imported) wrote: Sun Jan 09, 2005 3:28 pm The problem appears to be a profound fear of male aggression caused by sexual desire and her total lack of control in that situation. At one session I suggested that if my sexual ability could be turned off by drugs (I had heard of use of drugs to chemical castrate sex offenders.) that then she might feel more in control and might help. The therapist looked at me like I was a pervert and she said that comments like this were not helpful and I just had to be patient and supportive and not trying to rush things just to have sex. These things take time.

On the way home from the session, however, my wife asked what I was talking about and thought maybe it might help but is afraid it would be dangerous or cause me permanent damage. Plus if I couldn't have sex would I still want to be romantic or intamant. I had no answers. I talked to our family doctor and his comment was just "Don't even go there. These are dangerous drugs and not meant as sex toys."

I don't often agree with doctors but he is right. Depo-Provera will, over time, reduce sexual function to nothing. The effects MAY be permanent if used for a long period. This is what I am hoping for.

I was on depo for one shot- (3 months) and it totally killed my sex drive. That doesn't mean I didn't have sex on it... But just wasn't interested. I've heard this from others, too.

Mr Williams. I have been doing a lot of research on the long-term effects of Androcur and have started on a course 2 months ago. While everybody is different, I have read people who were on Androcur for as long as 1 year and then stopped, to be able to regain erections and even fertility over the course of several months of "recovery."

On the other hand, I have also read a person who stopped Androcur after about a 6-month course, and after 3 months' "recovery" still experiences erection difficulties.

The manufacturer Scherring's information sheet stated that the effects on libido and erections will recover after the drugs are stopped. Scherring did not give any time limit in terms of when the effects are no longer reversible, nor make any mention of the possibility that the effects may become irreversible, except for the testicles remaining atrophied (but Scherring seemed to imply that even at the atrophied state, the testicles can regain its functions).

But the general consensus here on the board seems to indicate that 6 months is about the time some of the effects MAY start becoming irreversible.

I have been on Depo-Provera since the first of the year and so far my wife loves it. She is much more relaxed sexually and we have increased our frequency of intercourse and much more cuddling. She also likes the more calm me -- this was the main reason we dicided to go on DP. In the beginning it was mainly me wanting a calmer me, but now my wife is the main driver for staying on it. I originally wanted to just take the monthly "starter" shots as an experiment. After, we talked about it and agreed to have me on it through April (ordered 3 more shots) and we will re-discuss mid-April about ordering more as a joint decision. But, so far she really likes the results. It should be an interesting conversation in April after over 3 months of change.

Don