Older Than Dirt, Huh?
Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2003 4:56 am
Remember, it's funny. Don't take it seriously.
Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What
was your favourite fast food when you were growing up?"
"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I
informed him. "All the food was slow."
"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"
"It was a place called 'at home," I explained.
"Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down
together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put
on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it."
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to
suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how
I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him
about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis,
set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a
credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving
charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears
AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he
died.
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of coloured plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third
was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for
programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look
larger.
I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie."
When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.
We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our
family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in
the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you
could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't
know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was. All newspapers
were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a
newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to
keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I
had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favourite customers were
the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least
favourite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on
collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the
movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French
kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did
in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to
see them.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may
want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend:
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she
died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In
the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.
I knew immediately what it was, but Kati had no idea.
She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something.
I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to
"sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons.
Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you
remember not the ones
you were told about! Ratings at the bottom.
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with coloured sugar
water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard
stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive-6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!
Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends
Life may not be the party we had hoped for, but while
we are here, we might as well dance!
.
Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What
was your favourite fast food when you were growing up?"
"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I
informed him. "All the food was slow."
"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"
"It was a place called 'at home," I explained.
"Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down
together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put
on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it."
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to
suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how
I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him
about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis,
set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a
credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving
charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears
AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he
died.
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of coloured plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third
was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for
programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look
larger.
I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie."
When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.
We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our
family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in
the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you
could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't
know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was. All newspapers
were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a
newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to
keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I
had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favourite customers were
the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least
favourite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on
collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the
movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French
kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did
in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to
see them.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may
want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend:
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she
died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In
the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.
I knew immediately what it was, but Kati had no idea.
She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something.
I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to
"sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons.
Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you
remember not the ones
you were told about! Ratings at the bottom.
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with coloured sugar
water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard
stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive-6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!
Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends
Life may not be the party we had hoped for, but while
we are here, we might as well dance!
.