These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things

people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now

published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying

calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

____________________

Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up

that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

____________________

Q: And where was the location of the accident?

A: Approximately milepost 499.

Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

___________________

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?

A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

____________________

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?

A: After the accident?

Q: Before the accident.

A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.

____________________

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue

lights flashing?

A: Yes.

Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: What did she say?

A: What disco am I at?

____________________

Q: Now doctor isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he

doesn't know about it until the next morning?

____________________

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?

____________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

____________________

Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

____________________

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

____________________

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

____________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

____________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male or a female?

____________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice

that I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

____________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

____________________

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

____________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr.Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

____________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

____________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the

autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

somewhere. ____________________

Judge: "Well Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give

your

wife $775 a week." Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send

her a few bucks myself."