Subject: New Drugs for Women

BUYAGRA: Stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and

duration of spending spree.

MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women.

Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better

person. Can we get naked now?"

ST. MOM'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's

depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

EMPTY NESTROGEN: Highly effective supplement that

eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as

teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

PEPTO-BIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two

full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreased

intelligence and improves flirting.

DUMMEROL: When taken with Pepto Bimbo, can cause

lowering of IQ, causing enjoyment of loud country music and cheap beer.

FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by

controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

JACKASSPRIN: Relieves headaches caused by a man who

can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

ANTI TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet

to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total

strangers.

RAGAMET: When administered to a husband, boyfriend

provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend saving the woman the time and trouble of doing it herself.

DAMMITOL: Take two and the rest of the world can go to

hell for 8 hours!