i have always had compulsions toward self abuse. i see others showing pictures ot things done to themselves that make what i've don to myslef seem as child's play by comparison. But hey, we each have to live within our own skin and everyone has to be someplace so i wnpt be intimidated by seeing ewaht others have done and i will go ahead with my own story.

My wife of many years knows only the tip of the ice berg about the real demons i fight, but lose to in the end. She knows that i love to do self bondage and sometimes she even has her fun with me this way. She also knows that i am adicted to looking at the worse kinds of porn on the Net and that i masturbate incessently. She is not a sexually motivted person but allows me my space for my proclivities with one proviso. i am not allowed to tell other women i love them. i can cyber-serve them and she just laughs.

As an example of her participation with me i recently asked her to hang me naked in the garage and whip me with her horse whip. She did until i begged her stop but only after covering my naked body with whip welts that took a couple of weeks to disappear. i have pitures she took of me after she finished that job on me for any who might be interested to request them at, mikejones0922@yahoo,com.

Shall i go on in another post?

slave mike

Keep on posting.

Today is Tuesday. Tomorrow we will leave for a few days to go up to our lake cabin. i plan to go lock myself in the boat house without her knowing where i have gone. After a few hours or maybe even sooner, she will come looking for me. She will eventually look in the boat shed after finding the key and letting herself in. i can only hope she will be alone because of teh way she will find me.

i plan to be naked and to have tied up myballs and then clamped them tight between the jaws of the WorkMate i have in there. The floor is crushed limestone and i will be barefoot forced to stand in one spot for at least a few hours, so uncomfortably witht e sharp rocks digging into my tender bare feet.

Once i have secured myself standing this way with my balls clamped holding me motionless until i can be discovered, i will hand cuff my wrists behind my back to further deepen my helpless agony.

i will have written out a note and laid it for her to find on the WorkMate beside my clamped balls. i will have also put the key to my hand cuffs into m y mouth and wrapped my head all but my nose so i can breathe with duct tape, over eyes and mouth.

To go with the note i have written her i will have laid out for her to use on me Ben-Gay Ointment, vicious battery clamps and an over-sized felt-tip marker i have. The note she will find will instruct her to punish me further by shoving the over-sized marked into my urethra. i have tried it and it hardly fits without much forcing. The note will say she should lube it with the Ben-Gay and also my useless cock and what she can get to of my crushed balls. She is also to tighten the knobs that narrow the gap between the WorkMate jaws. She is to put the hungry, vicious battery clamps on my nipples, mercilessly. There will be a short but vicious whip laid ther for her too. She is to whip my back and buttocks until nearly bleeding before going back out of the boat house re-locking it and coming back for me only when it pleases her to do so.

i already know that she will go think on what she has waiting for her and become as horney as hell to have my lips and tongue in her pussy giving her endless orgasms, according to her specifications. At some point she will come for me.

We won't be expected back here so i can check my mail on this computer until next Tuesday or Wednesday. i hope to find a few messages from the curious among you. Pass the word for me please.

slave mike

PS: the photo is of me when i squeezed my bound balls in the WorkMate once before. (OUCH!)

Would love to hear what happened? Did she do as you suggested or make up her own fun? Let us know when you can.

No luck for me this time. She didn't feel like playing so the trip was a dud for me.

mike

"

Mike Jones (imported) wrote: Mon May 26, 2003 12:19 pm i have always had compulsions toward self abuse.

"

I do too (just read my posts on Removing My Foreskin). How does one explain their compulsion? Where does it come from? For me, it is partically to do with gender issues. John Money considered all genital mutilation to stem from a gender crises, but many of this Archive would dispute this and rightly so. This is a rant, and I will cease just about now.

Leon

Why do people start getting onto a really meaty and interesting topic then cut it short by saing "this is a rant?" of course it is and htis is the place to rant. ranting helps find out things from people of similar thinking and of anti-thinking. That's why we have the Internet. To exhange controversial topics and to find others who thinkas we do or who are opposed to our thinking. either way we learn and share and ionteract on a meaningful level.

Now you may shoot at me. I get a little mouthy. But then you can start throwing things.

My thinking is that there is no simple genesis for self mutilation (prefer to call it modificatiion, since many do it as an art form). I think it is something of gender mixing conditioning, some confusion, some wanting to be both male and female. A lot of it is based on guilt placed there subconsciously by religion (bleah), parent, narrow thinking teachers and social expectations. But all these make us march to a different drummer and avoid becoming boring.

And don't forget the sexual implications of self abuse. The sex drive is a powerful component of our mekeup, perhaps the most powerful in men with their testosterone driving them. Simple masturbation and ejaculation isn't enough for some of us, we strive for more. In my own case, when I was younger, (I am 72 now), I felt the need for sexual release many times per day, often as many as a dozen or more. Even now at my advanced age I often will be driven to masturbate three or four times during the course of a day's time.

Do you suppose that some degree of guilt is born out of this level of felt need? Perhaps my general feeling that I ahould be punished grows from my feelings of self doubt and guilt about my incessant masturbatory behavior. I used to hide what I did from my wife because she was no where equal to me in my sexual desire so I gave her her space and left her alone. Several years ago I shared my compulsive nature with her hoping, I guess, that she might join me in my madness. She only accepted it and now knows that I masturbate and doesn't seem to care a wit that I do.

(more to follow)

mike, who wants to be slave to anyone

PS: the photo is me during a session when my wife *IS* sedating my needs. Care to see what she did to my cock and balls during thie session?

The missing photo. I had to change it from the one I first wanted to submit. This process wouldn't take its size. I have photos for anyone with the interest to request them directly to my mailbox, mikejones0922 [at] yahoo.com

slave mike

We older people were raised to see sex as a sin so that is why we put the guilt spin on it so we could have the sex, and enjoy it but punish ourselves for it in the process. Masturbation at the level you are doing it may (or may not) come from that taboo against it. We can never allow ourselves satisfaction because of the instilled "sin" and guilt, so we continually obsess about it, think about it all the time. if the taboo were not ther we wold have it more in balance in our framework. this si the sin of religion and society, making a normal biological function needed for reproduction into a filthy dirty sin. Stupid. All religions who preach against sex as a sin should be shut down, burned down, whatever it takes to rid us of their stupidity.

Byplacintg a wall between people and sex you imprison them into wanting it and never knwoing satisfaction that would free them.

On this site we have people thinkingg it is better to have their cocks cut off rather than find sexual outlets for their libido, rather than botrher their cold wives with their needs. In our society women are conditioned not to want sex and men are conditioned to yearn for it unendingly. where is the sense in that?

The only rason someone woujld want the kind of sexual pain you inflict on yourself and want to be a sex slave is because of your early parental and religious conditioning.

It is not a put down of you in any wya, as you are a sweetheart. but you can never know ease from that drive because of what they did to you -- and me (I finally worked it out and got free of the compulsion without castration). there is no single reason for it but the overall conditioning htat you should not feel sexual, that you should hide it from everyone, and that you should feel guilty about yhour normal biological -- healthy -- sexuality. You have a stront drive. You should be allowed to express it not have to suppress it.

It would be nice if more women met their hsubands halfway isntread of treating them as perverts for wanting a lot of sex. it i biological for men to have a strong sex drive and we should have in our society the set up so such men can morally and legally be accommodated by having access to many partners, not jsut one. this idea of loyalty to one mate just isn't natural. Esp3ecially if that mate isn't interested in providing enough sex. IF the sexual av3enues were in place the compulsion would level out instead of ruling the man.

It is a scientific fact that the best way to incite strong sexual desire is to make the sexual object inaccessible. That also is a biological fact.