Rules from Oklahoma
Posted: Tue May 06, 2003 4:53 am
You kin pertnear substitute Texas for Oklahoma in what follows...and this explains why we get along with our neighbors to the immediate north of us Texans so well...
__________________________________________________ __________
OKLAHOMA RULES.......................
The following list of rules applies to each person as they enter
Oklahoma....... Learn 'em & remember 'em
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are pigs, cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to
you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it I-40 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have
quarter-million dollar air conditioned tractors. We drive them 3
weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in,
we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar
It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless
of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Pace
Picante Sauce.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards - it
spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try O.U. or O.S.U. (By the way Yankees, OSU doesn't
mean Ohio State) They come outta there with an education, a love
for God, country, and they still wave at passing pickup when they come
home for the holidays.
16. There are more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, Air Force than
any other state. "Don't Mess with Oklahoma." If you do, it will get your
butt kicked by the best.
17. When folks in Oklahoma talk about having a PhD they're talking
about their Post Hole Digger.
18. Always remember what our great governor E.W. Marland once said:
"Oklahoma can make it without the United States, but the United
States can't make it without Oklahoma.
GOD BLESS OKLAHOMA
__________________________________________________ __________
OKLAHOMA RULES.......................
The following list of rules applies to each person as they enter
Oklahoma....... Learn 'em & remember 'em
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are pigs, cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to
you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it I-40 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have
quarter-million dollar air conditioned tractors. We drive them 3
weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in,
we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar
It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless
of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Pace
Picante Sauce.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards - it
spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try O.U. or O.S.U. (By the way Yankees, OSU doesn't
mean Ohio State) They come outta there with an education, a love
for God, country, and they still wave at passing pickup when they come
home for the holidays.
16. There are more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, Air Force than
any other state. "Don't Mess with Oklahoma." If you do, it will get your
butt kicked by the best.
17. When folks in Oklahoma talk about having a PhD they're talking
about their Post Hole Digger.
18. Always remember what our great governor E.W. Marland once said:
"Oklahoma can make it without the United States, but the United
States can't make it without Oklahoma.
GOD BLESS OKLAHOMA