These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now.

Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you

be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a

woman?

A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's

attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands

while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll

give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get

any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.

One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose

do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the

habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!"

what does this mean?

A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,

what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your

elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Anyone who remembers Paul Lynde on the Hollywood Squares, like me? Just curious. Showing my age, I guess.

Paolo wrote: Mon May 05, 2003 12:45 pm Anyone who remembers Paul Lynde on the Hollywood Squares, like me? Just curious. Showing my age, I guess.

But of course, Paolo! The guy was hilarious, one of the major reasons I watched the show.

I well remember Paul Lynde. Shows *my* age. Just looking at the quips those were really and truly the great comedians.

Studlover (imported) wrote: Mon May 05, 2003 2:05 pm I well remember Paul Lynde. Shows *my* age. Just looking at the quips those were really and truly the great comedians.

And have you noticed that while those old-time comedians certainly played fast and loose with the innuendo, they managed to be funny without constantly resorting to gratuitous profanity. It's one thing to use profanity as a way to emphasize a point or to mimic the way a character one is defining speaks, but quite another when the profanity itself is supposed to be what's funny. Thank you Richard Pryor.

To me, the mark of a truly great comedian is one who can be consistently funny without using the F-word three times in every sentence. The old timers managed to do that, but few of the newer ones seem able. Jeff Foxworthy comes to mind as one of the better ones in that regard among the younger comedians. Precious few others, though.

What is really funny (and charming) is that studlover thinks those old Hollywood Squares were unscripted. The questions were designed for each star's talent, and the funny answers prepared ahead of time. The stars did not always stick with the script but no entertainer would take the chance of going "dumb" on camera on a show like that. Paul Lynde did sometimes let loose with a spontaneous one but if he couldn't think of something he had his prepared answer. What was so talented was their ability to make it seem spontaneous. And you can still watch them all on the Game Show Network.

Quite the contrary. I am aware that the comedians knew the lines and each comedian had his/her particular "line" written for them. However, they never delivered the line without approval.

You cannot blame Richard Prior or George Carlin for profanity in comedy.

It all started with Lenny Bruce...

Redd Fox did some pretty raunchy stuff, but I do not think that it was actual profane language.

A-1

Dad told me all about it!



A-1

They ran out of fresh material right after Aristophanes wrote "The Birds." Risque humor was how we started out at the birth of entertainment. Only our victorian "morals" made sex dirty. Sex is not dirty as well as I can judge from the recent poll on the home page. Queen Elixabeth the First was as rank and bawdy in her normal repartee as any modern day comedian saying fuck five times. Get over it. Sex is funny. It doesn't have to be all there is but sex is legitmate comedy material. All the great playwrights including Shakespeare relied on it for sure fire laffs.