I was partially castrated in Sept. 1997 and have been living as sort of a half-eunuch since that time. My testosterone level had remained at about 225ml consistently with yearly blood tests. My sex life slowed dramatically and I was comfortable. I was still able to get erections and I continued to enjoy thoughts about complete castration. However, last month, after continual abuse of my remaining testicle, I woke up feeling totally anxious and felt as though I was being drained of my strength. Because I had felt this way when I had my first testicle removed, I knew it was low testosterone and or hot flashes. When I felt for my testicle, it had shrunk considerably and had little or no feeling. It's a hard little thing, smaller then a quarter. I believe that now my castra-tion is complete. I got an FSH, LH, Testosterone blood test and I've scheduled an appointment with my Wellspan endocrinologist in York, PA for Thursday, April 17th. She's been great and I think she'll give me various options without pressing me for to many details. Fortunately, I had a few testosterone patchs, which have helped me to sleep, otherwise I'd be a zombie.

I'm writing because my thoughts and emotions have raged up and down. I'm sure that my castration is complete, but I'm not sure it's the way I want it. I'll have to live with it and I'll adjust, probably with testosterone patches or cream. Just a note to all who are doing what I did, if you're abusing your balls, one day they might atrophy and die. Ask yourself, am I ready to become a eunuch? If you're not sure that you want to be a true eunuch, then get some professional help. Abusing your testicles will catch up with you, maybe sooner then you wish. Hash. P.S. I'll let you know the results of my endo visit on Friday.

I'm no expert but i believe that too much testosterone can shrink the testicles and that is more the culprit than what you did. But also you may have conditioned yourelf subconsciously so strongly that somehow your mind took over and killed the other nut. The mind is more powerful than you think and the area subject to conditioning just obeys what it is told without judging.

But it is probably the testosterone that is the villain here and I hope that there are other treatments to counteract what happened. Ask some bodybuilders, as this is what happens to them as well. Your mood swings could also be related to testosterone use.

Sure, too much testosterone (such as body builders doing steroids) causes the testicles to stop producing testosterone and shrink. The body and muscles get bigger and bigger but the testicles aren't responsible and don't survive the steroid and hormonal aassualt.

Dave

Hash,

From your post I can only assume what happened. I gather that you were into some sort of ball torture that went too far and killed your balls completely. If that is the case, you have to know that you are the envy of a lot of eunuch wanabe's! But that is not the point, is it?

If your assessment is correct, and you are now a true eunuch and regretting your actions, or for that matter whatever your situation, please know that there are a lot of people on this board who are here for you. We will help you, support you, or just be here for you as a sounding board, whatever you need.

Oh, and as you said in your post (paraphrased): Be sure of what you ask for because you just might get it.

We're here for you, Hash.

I hope that Hash's problem is reversible. From what he said he took unneeded testosterone. One testicle can provide all that is needed to maintain a healthy manhood. Using this as a steroid when one healthy testicle is present does have the reverse effect. I have a feeling that the body can restore that testicle with therapeutic treatments and vitamin therapy and just leaving it alone. I don't know what kind of torture you put it through that would cause the effect you got. it really does sound like the unneeded testosterone and not the abuse. Abuse would cause swelling, inflammation, damage but sudden shrinking and drying up is an effect of steroids.

So taking certain drugs without medical sponsorship is as dangerous as self-abuse.

I just have a real strong feeling though that you can get it back, Hash. Like you said, you get what you wish for. And that applies to healing as well as damage.