I have been following various threads on this board over a space of approximately 4 years. I have found most of them very informative, the stories erotic to the point of ejaculation. I found most contributors to the board to be seemingly marvelous persons. The further beauty of this board is that it attracts a large variety of sexually orientated persons (not just homo or hetero – sexual).

From as young as 16 years old, and since then, I have phantisised about being castrated, or castrating someone, or as in the various castration stories on this board, forming in my mind my own fictionalized castration event whilst masturbating or having sex with a sexual partner. I CANNOT ORGASM without phantisising some castration event or the other whilst having sex.

The upshot of this is that I have never been able to experience an exclusively permanent emotional SEXUAL BOND with any individual, including my former wife I had been married for 29 years. I love my wife, and we are very good friends (in spite of now being divorced these past 9 years and not divorced because of sex). I have had a miriad (literally with thousands of different persons) homosexual experiences over the years, all physical outlets to me. I believe that my homosexuality is driven, not from any emotionality to any man, but because he is a man that can be castrated, and whilst having sex with him, mentally castrating or being castrated by him. Hence most of my sexual enjoyment is in the homosexual leather scene.

I must conclude that in all these years I must have been a mental eunuch, though virilized in body. I must further state that I have never been unhappy with this situation, although it does make me a loner in society. (My historical heros were eunuchs, or historical persons having relationships with eunuchs such as Alexander the Great).

A couple of years ago I had seriously entertained the idea of being castrated, but had permanently changed my mind on the subject on becoming aware of the consequences of such a step to my sexual ability, thanks to the varied information on the subject obtained from contributors to this board. I wanted to be castrated, but I did not desire to forego my ability to have erections, ejaculations and orgasms. . (Of course with the aging process this too is starting to show signs of declining).

From a psychiatric or psychologist point of view, how would my mental aberation be classified. Obviously I will not go to either, as I do not see a need for such, but am curious to know as to where they would fit me in.

Are there others on this board that are similar to what I have stated above. I have found that when I do mention this to others in my environment, they look as me askance.

Comments would be appreciated.

"

Groot Voel (imported) wrote: Sun Apr 13, 2003 5:16 am From a psychiatric or psychologist point of view, how would my mental aberation be classified. Obviously I will not go to either, as I do not see a need for such, but am curious to know as to where they would fit me in.

"

Hi Groot Voel,

From what you describe, your castration fixation would fall under the psychosexual term 'paraphilia'. To quote from Human Sexuality:

"A paraphilia is a condition in which a person's sexual arousal and gratification depend on a fantasy theme of unusual sexual experience that becomes the principle focus of sexual behaviour."

For more information on what a paraphilia is, causes and treatments borrow the following book from your local library:

Human Sexuality by William H. Masters, Virginia E. Johnson & Robert C. Kolodny, published by HarperCollins 1992.

All the best,

Leon

Groot Voel, Thank you for such sincerity and depth in your posting; it can be one of the most pleasurable aspects of the

Eunuch Archive when one meets people who share their hearts minds and emotions either in personal chat or on the Boards here.

I found when I first visited the Archive that the stories in particuar

-in fact simply the site itself- stimulated an arousal when I actually had a very low libido and I still believe that a large proportion of guys here will feel very sexually stimulated; its quite ironic really but understandable.

Your sexual experiences, particularly your gay ones involving 2

cocks you say were much heightened by castration fantasy.

I'm no expert on sex but if consensual sex is heightened by

fantasy it must help heighten that experience.

It is an odd concept to me when you speak of being a virilised eunuch. We can each only share our own personal insight to gain from each other and I am not undermining your comment in

so feeling, I just wish you could really enjoy the sense of total

loss of male power and of virility. The loss of testosterone from

my own life has enpowered me in deeply spiritual ways and I

love the effect of softness and emasculation - even though I am just on Androcur and things are still attached but dysfunctional

<g>. Losing virility for me is an essential essence in learning and exploring eunuchdom and areas of gender mental neutrality and

so much more.

Sometimes I hear of guys who have undergone castration and then go on to have testosteone patches. Am I the only one who

feels that they have lost so much insight?

I am pleased so many guys have and enjoy castration fantasy

and that it can heighten their personal arousal or their shared sex - its a pleasant aspect for virile men. Personally, I now

realise that I share much more in common with non virile

eunuchs, than I do with arousable men, gay, bi or str8.

My "mind set" has changed.

I'm just posting this as a comment on how beautiful and enriching an experience it can be to be free from testosterone and guys, if you have testosterone and enjoy it I am not undermining you, like Groot Voel I am simply adding a sincerely held opinion. GV- in Afrikaans am I right in thinking your nick

translates as "Great Fall"? - if so it is a great identity nick!

In my opinion too many people are too concerned with what they have to fantacize about to "get off"...

I have went on record as saying and I still believe that it is true that to be insane is to exhibit ACTION.

If you have a fantasy it is NOT, repeat, NOT a disorder until it consumes your life and restricts your ACTIONS.

I say that the ones who have to classify su as being abnormal because of our f-a-n-t-a-s-i-e-s are much more in need of such a classification and subsequent medication because they cannot deal with people unless they are so classified.

Furthermore, such actions as looking for abnormalities in people whrn they are not obvious is decidedly NOT NORMAL.

Part of the problem with having a sexual preference or fantasy that everyone seems adverse to is that it is so tied up in guilt feelings.

This is part of the reason why one isolates ones self from the company of other people.

If you have a castration fantasy it is a fantasy. Otherwise, you'd be castrated, wouldn't you.

At the point that you get castrated it is not a fantasy any longer. Find yourself a nice woman who likes to be in control at times and have her squeeze your balls during sex. Fantasize all that you like. It is healthy mentally.

Just remember, once that they are cut off they won't be growing back...

....and enjoy....

A-1

Thank you! For this is the first message that made feel me good.

It is a point that we all fantacize as a species.

If somebody tells you that they have never done it it is a bit like lying about masturbation. Pretty much everyone does it. However, similar to masturbation, do not try to force someone to fantacize in front of you if they prefer not to do it.

I fantacize a lot, too. You cannot let the fantasies control or interfere with your life. I do a lot of fanticizing about the flat-bellied, hard-bodied girls under... well, we will not go there, but you get my picture, I guess. But in the fantasies they are always willing...., and that, my friends, is a BIG fantasy for this dirty old man.

Bottom line is, if you love 'em, then do not violate them. There is too much violation of ourselves and others in this world...

We are, however, not that much different from those who actually do deeds that they fantacize about except for the fact that for us, fantacies remain just that, fantasies.

To stay health you should experiment with lots and lots of them, but it is sometimes easier on relationships not to share too much of them. If you should fantacize about an individual and it is not the individual that you are with you should not tell them.

However, if you fantacize about places, things and situations, it is probably best to share some of these with your partner if you can be sure that you can trust them and they wouldn't use them later to hurt you or to damage you in some way.

A favorite fantasy is a bit like a favorite sexual position. It works best for you and if you prefer it over the conventional then do not worry about "normal" For you, it is normal.

That is why mathematicians have come up with the phrase "Standard Deviation" A means or average has no real meaning, only a statistical meaning. The only way that you can be a true deviate is by action and subsequent scrutinization of action by the standards of others.

If you don't do anything then you have not hurt anyone.

A-1

I'ts been a while since I posted, but I felt like something should be clarified.

Groot Voel,

Your condition could be either classified as an autophilia or a paraphilia depending on how you anal-eyesed it.

Para means two. Philic means obsession. In order for a classification of paraphilia the person obsessing must fantasize about sex with another human. A child molester would be considered a paraphillic, with a subclassification of pedophile. Someone who was into animals would not be considered a paraphilic because their fantasy involves sometyhing other than another human. In your case fantasing about sex with a castrated male would be paraphilia.

However, if you are fantazising about being a castrate or about castrating than that may classify as autophilia. It would depend on if your prime sex drive centered on your castration, the act of castration, or a castrate in a sexual role.

Just as some transexuals fantasise about being sexual with men, while others fantasise about being a woman, some castration fantasy may orient around being and expiriencing castration rather than sex with a eunuch or sex as a eunuch.

In other words you probably have a bit of each, auto and para.

Good Luck Man,

plezherus