Suggestions for cats living with humans
Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2003 3:31 pm
BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary
to do anything. Just sit and stare. It is permissible once in a while
and great fun to play with and unroll the toilet paper.
DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open,
stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is
not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door
opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is
particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito
season.
CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you
cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug.. If there is no Oriental
rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up
so it is as long as a humans bare foot.
HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the
other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping,"
otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for
"hampering:"
1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook.
You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on
and then picked up and comforted.
2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,
unless you can lie across the book itself.
3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as
to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze,
but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.
4) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to
jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.
5) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across
keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap
across arms, hampering typing in progress.
WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in
front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in
their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This
will help their coordination skills.
BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move
around.
LITTER BOX: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter
out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between
their toes.
HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find
you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances.
This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you
have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover
you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.
ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially
their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love
this, so do it often. And don't forget guests!
to do anything. Just sit and stare. It is permissible once in a while
and great fun to play with and unroll the toilet paper.
DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open,
stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is
not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door
opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is
particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito
season.
CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you
cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug.. If there is no Oriental
rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up
so it is as long as a humans bare foot.
HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the
other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping,"
otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for
"hampering:"
1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook.
You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on
and then picked up and comforted.
2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,
unless you can lie across the book itself.
3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as
to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze,
but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.
4) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to
jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.
5) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across
keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap
across arms, hampering typing in progress.
WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in
front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in
their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This
will help their coordination skills.
BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move
around.
LITTER BOX: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter
out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between
their toes.
HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find
you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances.
This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you
have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover
you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.
ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially
their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love
this, so do it often. And don't forget guests!
A-1