CANADIAN JOKE # 1

After the North American Beer Festival, all the

brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The

guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I

would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The

bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives

it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in

the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."

The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says,

"I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain

spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a

Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but

gives him what he ordered. The other brewery

presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you

drinking a Molson's?" The Molson president replies,

"Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer,

neither would I."

CANADIAN JOKE #2

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of

beer under his arm.

His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha

get the case of beer for?"

"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.

"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

CANADIAN JOKE #3

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie . He went to the

neurosurgeon and asked, "Is there anything you can do

to me that would make me into a Newfie?".

"Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I

have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be

a Newfie."

He was very pleased, and immediately underwent the

operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped,

and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the

surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's

brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited

impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient

recovered from the anaesthetic.

As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon

said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a

ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your

brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."

The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit,

monsieur?"

CANADIAN JOKE #4

Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and

Nova Scotia? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades;

the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing

them back.

CANADIAN JOKE #5

In Canada, we have two seasons...six months of winter

and six months poor snowmobiling.

CANADIAN JOKE #6

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian

walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy

a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to

enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of

their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in

disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of

his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing

happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink

and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT

IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

CANADIAN JOKE #7

A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room

service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.

CANADIAN JOKE #8

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible

car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency

room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as

they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he

stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors

and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and

then there was a beautiful light, and then the

Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates

of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we

were all too young to die, and said that for a

donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of

course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50,

and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But

what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was

haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting

for the government to pay his."