Women:

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a

BREASTED AMERICAN.

2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is

VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY

ACCESSIBLE.

4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE

INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY

ENJOYED COMPANION.

6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY

IMPAIRED.

7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets

CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

8. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

9. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is

MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

10. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY

REPETITIVE.

11. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY

EXTROVERTED.

12. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She

is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

13. She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW

COST PROVIDER.

Men:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has

developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY

CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He

INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE

REGRESSION.

5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers

GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL

RELATIONSHIPS.

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He

becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He

develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL

INVERSION.

8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has

SWINE EMPATHY